How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

I couldn’t be with someone like this. My partner let me have a lie in, made me breakfast in bed, then gave me my gifts. One was a handmade gift that would have took him ages to make. Every woman deserves this. You need to tell him it isn’t good enough. And don’t dare make a fuss of him on Father’s Day.

Thoughtless idiot. Very selfish too.
Ignore fathers day in June, if you haven't decided to kick him out by then!!

Get rid . He’s selfish af!

why is that behavior acceptable on any day? Forget the holiday. He doesn't parent his children, you do all the work, and he's not appreciative. I don't know why you're complaining that it's Mother's Day. Raise your bar higher for every day.

I’m intrigued as to who the 9% of Mumsnet voters are that think this post is ‘reasonable’ because it f**g isn’t!!!!
He’s clearly totally self absorbed and thoughtless!
However, dear OP, you do need to grow a pair and tell him just how far off the mark he is if you want your marriage to survive!!!!
I wish you all the best xx

Genuinely, take a look at yourself and ask how you ended up so misogynistic.

Ironic.

Women (usually older and with more life experience than yourself ) generally end up being "misogynistic" after endlessly hearing stories about fucktards like your dh every single day of the bloody year.

Women generally don't forget about their mothers for instance on Mother's Day but men "forget" about their wives on this day as well as birthdays etc with alarming regularity. It's lazy and it's selfish.

Along with his other childish and dickish behaviour (and all on mothers day!) I'd conclude that yes, your dh sounds like a twat. Not all men are like this though you know? He really doesn't sound very intelligent.

And I'd have smacked him one for stealing my food too.

Nobody steals my food.

I think many men, by default, seem hardwired to simply ask for and take what they want and conveniently assume if you don't do the same you're not bothered..

It’s nothing to do with intelligence OP, it’s that he doesn’t care, you’re not important enough to him.

the above is copy and paste. These things are viewed by men in a different light always. He might be a good man but not understanding that a mother does so much and deserves a little bit more on Mother's day.

I never had a chance to celebrate a proper birthday for example as a child because I lived in a medical boarding school and my parents could not visit each year. I am trying my best to respect people's birthdays, especially the idea of the schoolgate birthdays and all their politics but I am afraid I always fall short and give a toy just in a paper bag.

It is not always because they don't care. Everyone has a different story around these things.

I am one of the 9 % who voted "unreasonable" because I think I think the fixation on MN by some posters on "Mothers' Day" is utterly unreasonable.

As if a Hallmark card and breakfast in bed on one day somehow makes the other 364 days ok.

The OP's problems go so far beyond Mothers' Day. Fixating on one fake, commercialised day doesn't begin to address what's wrong with the relationship.

I’m sorry OP. You’re not being unreasonable - you weren’t asking for the boat to be pushed out, just for something- any sign of recognition and affection. It isn’t too much to ask.

You deserve far better, but you know that. So what are you going to do?

So you have to remind him to buy you some chocolate and you buy him the food he needs to cook, doesn’t sound that great!!!

I'm quite shocked. I've exhibited absolutely appalling taste in male partners, but none were quite as comprehensive dismissive of me as your 'D'H is of you.

Are you familiar with the beloved MN epithet cocklodger? These specimens usually aren't earning a living or otherwise pulling their weight - but since you've said you earn way more than him, and he is totally taking your efforts for granted, I've decided he qualifies.

It's time you made an almighty fuss, gave him all the bollockings you've bottled up to date, and absented yourself (with DC if needs be) to a nice hotel until he's done EVERYTHING including a convincingly detailed apology. If he still doesn't step up, you're looking at an LTB.

Here's some and

OP, I hope you’ll return the favor by completely ignoring father’s day. Consequences. 😉

yes, shocking and awful behaviour from your DH. I haven’t read the full thread but I’d probably have a quiet word and remind him that he has (now) 364 days to plan next Mother’s Day. Rather than ignoring Father’s Day, I would do ‘the right thing’ but on the day gently remind him that this is how it’s done and hope that he is led by your example. On the plus side, your kids will grow up and do something themselves when they’re older and not reliant upon Dad to organise. I’m sorry your oH was such a thoughtless kn*b and I hope he does a better job next time. 🤗 🌸 xx

He doesn’t care enough for you to be on his priority list. You are very far down and he doesn’t value you.

He’s awful, Op! You’re being terribly mistreated. Would a sit down talk with him help at all?? He acts hostile toward you like you’re his enemy. Time to become partners again and a team who has each other’s back, where you both speak to each other with affection and respect. Sounds like it will be a long road but I think many couples experience this. Need to go back and start fresh and remember how you both felt about the other at the beginning of your relationship. With you in spirit, op 💐

"I absolutely did tell him that I wasn’t ok with his lack of effort and I got sad puppy-dog eyes and him being so upset with himself that he’d messed up."
'So upset with himself' - dear christ, it's still all about him! What a self-absorbed wanker he is!

"He’s 27, not a miserable middle aged man."
And yet he acts like one. Seriously, try and imagine how he will be then. Is that the future you want?

"How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!"
Not hard at all. But you do not have an intelligent, decent person for a husband. Do not confuse being academically able with being intelligent, they're really not the same thing at all. And I do not find his behaviour to be in the least decent.

Consider this a wake-up call, @Ishefuckingkiddingme . You have just experienced your husband telling you who he is. He has unmasked himself, and what is below the mask (that fooled you into thinking he was intelligent and decent) is not a pretty sight. He's also something of a cliche - two children, one a baby - he thinks he's got you well and truly trapped. It's for you to decide that. And you "earn a lot more than he does". Good. Because that gives you choices. I think you'd be well advised to consider what you will choose as a future.

He would be told to feck right off

It’s not about intelligence or ‘getting it’, and I don’t know why you’ve mentioned intelligence so much. He’s not very nice, sorry. Also sorry I’m probably about the zillionth poster to have said it, but there you are.

Op the more you add the worse your husband is shown to be.
He is truly selfish, lazy and massively manipulative. You earn a lot more than him yet he still gets to dictate when something is too expensive for you; how awful, and imagine if you earned less.
You really need to think about whether he can change his ways so that your children do not see this dynamic as normal or acceptable. Sadly even if he does change it will be because you spent a great deal of time and effort forcing him to. He’s really happy treating you like this and then putting on sad eyes when you attempt to eke out a little bit of respect or help for yourself. He offers things but delivers very little, just stringing you along really.
It’s also not great to think of this type of person teaching the next generation either.

Yes he doesn't get anything bought my me now, just the kids crafts and cards from school/preschool like what I get. I used to really spoil him but after consistently receiving nothing I stopped. I can never forget my first mother's day when I didn't get ANYTHING, not even a card (if I'd got that and a cup of tea and I would have been made up!) and when I went to lunch with my friends the day after they couldn't stop talking about how special their first mother's day was 😭😭😭. So glad the kids are of school/preschool age now so they understand about mother's day and make me something lovely.

It has nothing to do with intelligence.

It's entirely to do with whether he cares.

He is demonstrating on a daily basis that he doesn't care.

He doesn't want to make you happy.

He knew exactly what he needed to do, and it involves minimal effort.

But he doesn't care enough about you to do that

If course you can miss "everything that's in the shops and on TV" if you don't visit supermarkets or card shops or watch football, dramas and Top Gear!

(Still not an excuse for this arsehole's behaviour.)

Amd you're still with him because?

I assume this post is a name change fail.

Stop fixating on Mother's Day. Your relationship is crap 365 days.