AIBU?
How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52
DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?
A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.
This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!
Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 12:08
I just don’t understand. It would take ten minutes and £10 total to buy a card, buy a bunch of flowers, and make me a cup of tea. In exchange, he’d get me being happy and grateful and we’d have a nice time. Even from an entirely selfish perspective, surely ten minutes and £10 is worth it for him to have a nice day?!
DevantMaJardin · 19/03/2023 12:08
But OP regardless of whether he could Google the date or not, the fact he was taking you out today implies he DID know the date and therefore should have done a better job. But when he tucked in did you point out to him that it was "your turn" for him to wrangle the babies while you ate or did you just get on with things like a martyr? Because your post reads very martyr-y.
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 12:09
He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.
But he's happy to drag you out early to a cafe that is heaving?
Selfish, boring twat.
This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”
Does he not understand that DS is his child too?
DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it
He simply doesn't accept that he's a parent too. He thinks child-wrangling is solely your job.
No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!
Yeah, happy fucking mother's day OP 
Write this day off, you know he;s selfish & couldn't give a shit about your feelings & happiness.
Because this day isn't your problem. His behaviour wasn't a surprise, was it? It's the other 364 days a year you need to start considering.
Do you want another year of daily criticism, disregard, & non-parenting?
Rinkydinkydoodle · 19/03/2023 12:10
MobyJeff · 19/03/2023 12:03
His housekeeping machine is making an odd moaning noise again. Maybe it needs something, attention? Oil? Hitting with a wrench? How annoying. Maybe he’ll deal with it later after he’s attended to more important things.
Hahahaha
Scalottia · 19/03/2023 12:12
Needmorelego · 19/03/2023 12:05
@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz I saw cards in shops so googled the date myself but a lot of people don't actually go into shops these days (buy everything online) so it's easy to miss things -however it seems from what @Ishefuckingkiddingme has said he's just a useless twat.
Sorry OP 💐
Oh come on, surely it happens every year? This is no excuse. If the partner actually cared, they would not forget the date. The bar is set very low, isn't it.
Tinkerbyebye · 19/03/2023 12:12
It’s very simple. You hand over the two kids when you get back. Tell him you are off to celebrate the day he has clearly forgotten collect your mum and go somewhere
Then I would do a very low-key Father’s Day. A card only signed by the kids and leave him to it
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 12:14
DevantMaJardin · 19/03/2023 12:08
But OP regardless of whether he could Google the date or not, the fact he was taking you out today implies he DID know the date and therefore should have done a better job. But when he tucked in did you point out to him that it was "your turn" for him to wrangle the babies while you ate or did you just get on with things like a martyr? Because your post reads very martyr-y.
Being criticised, undermined, & actively refused any sharing of parenting responsibility, every day of the year, tends to have that effect.
It makes people put up & shut up, because nothing has any effect on a selfish arsehole who is determined to put his own comfort ahead of everyone else's & doesn't give a shit about his wife's feelings.
The only thing that changes the dynamic is dovorce: it doesn't change the selfishness & criticism, just gets rid of it.
Lampzade · 19/03/2023 12:15
aureus3012 · 19/03/2023 12:02
I would go out....literally just get your stuff, walk out the door and go wherever you will have a good time. Text him and tell him you will be out until x time, turn your phone off and enjoy it. Whatever happens, I hope you have the day you deserve and that he has the day he deserves!
This is what I would do
if he can’t be bothered to treat you. Treat yourself.
Leave him with the kids
Ihavekids · 19/03/2023 12:17
Poster above has it right.
The day is young!
' Seeing as you've clearly no intention of making this day special for me, I'm off put. No idea when I'll be back. See you tomorrow. Thanks for nothing. '
Fancy lunch with Mum, spot of shopping, pop over to a friend's house for a few drinks and a moan. Come back after kids bedtime.
What a shame he's so lazy, it isn't hard to make it a special, relaxing day for you. Sorry.
Notimeforaname · 19/03/2023 12:20
He doesn't care that much.
You do all the work with that children coz "thats what women do" he resents having to make a big deal of you for one poxy day of the year so he doesn't do it.
He doesn't want you to know your worth and he obviously doesn't feel you are worth a lie in, a nice lunch or a break.
Undermyduvet · 19/03/2023 12:20
My DH has been moany as usually he takes one of the kids swimming and goes to the gym whilst they have a lesson, lesson is cancelled. I did repeatedly tell him to go the gym as otherwise he’s moany. Men can be really selfish pricks. I’d leave him with the kids and go somewhere yourself.
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