AIBU?
How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52
DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?
A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.
This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!
Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Mummyto2rugrats · 21/03/2023 09:07
I feel your pain big hugs maybe our husbands are friends ! They must know each other to be such uncaring T*s
Even the fly on the wall in our house flew away cringing
Wouldn't mind but he didn't even have to organise the gift this year my DD took it all on board and sorted and she is only 13 !
Darlingx · 21/03/2023 09:09
Often, these men wait until the woman is trapped with kids before they start being utter twats.
This is so true.
OP what makes me sad is your breastfeeding and he took the best dish for himself he deserves a special arsehole award for that alone and you deserve better as you quite rightly are feeling.
It is a wake up call on how you want to parent with him or take on the extra man child.
It’s hard though mine has turned into a selfish arse no wonder when people ask how long we have been together like I deserve respect? When I was young and single I was treated like a loose cannon you can’t win it seems.
I feel like even on here MN the woman gets bashed on Mother’s Day in a vulnerable state. The Patriarchy seems to be the backdrop to our lives as ever.
Your body has supported a life into this world and your feeding that life . You went through childbirth. Then you think what your partner’s role in parenting is for starters he should be putting you on a bloody throne. You sacrificed all the discomfort to build a human life. Breastfeeding your trapped in that routine he knows this and that gym comment better not be a body shaming one. Then you have all those nesting hormones and everyone is saying kick him to the kerb because the Ironman challenge of being a single parent is the one fits all solution.
I think we should have a father’s day Boot camp where all the manchild’s are gathered and put through carrying a baby to full term, breast feeding whilst wrangling toddlers, Gym bunny hot housewife contest and parent the parents whilst parenting . That’s right darling you spin all those plates don’t forget to helicopter parent otherwise slummy mummy won’t get her reward being called a wife and a Mother’s day card or at least try and be a supportive father. No pearl clutching just testes protectively 🙃Meanwhile well you get what the other side are doing there are some men scratching their balls on Mother’s Day
We either won the biological lottery or we didn’t ? We show the best of this world in nurturing the vulnerable not exploiting it!
So OP Goddess forever xxx
eastegg · 21/03/2023 09:12
CovidCath · 20/03/2023 21:50
yes, shocking and awful behaviour from your DH. I haven’t read the full thread but I’d probably have a quiet word and remind him that he has (now) 364 days to plan next Mother’s Day. Rather than ignoring Father’s Day, I would do ‘the right thing’ but on the day gently remind him that this is how it’s done and hope that he is led by your example. On the plus side, your kids will grow up and do something themselves when they’re older and not reliant upon Dad to organise. I’m sorry your oH was such a thoughtless kn*b and I hope he does a better job next time. 🤗 🌸 xx
But you’re making it all about Mother’s Day, which is the same mistake OP’s making.
BatShitCrazyGran · 21/03/2023 09:18
Hes not intelligent whatsoever. He's so thick and arrogant that he doesn't realise what his behaviour and attitude is going to lead to. Which,with any luck,will be an "off you fuck,nasty bastard". You,amd your children deserve so much more. At the very least,love,respect,attention,care and affection. I really hope you can find a solution to this OP.
Ineke · 21/03/2023 09:26
Look forward to the future when your kids are old enough to do something really special for you without any prodding or reminding. It is a real pleasure when they make the day about you and they will. That’s what counts. Your DH has failed miserably and you need not put up with such disregard.
Strugglingtodomybest · 21/03/2023 09:29
He sounds selfish OP. At the least. Do you have friends? I'm worried when you said that you were in the car with no where to go that he may also have cut you off from your support network?
I'm also interested to know, to all the pp saying that OP should do nothing on Father's Day - do you think he'll actually care?
Madamum18 · 21/03/2023 15:51
This is SO not about Mothers day. It is gaslighting (turning it into the OPs "problem" through her "Lack of resilience" (see one of OPs updates) The blokes attitude is appalling, disrespectful and misogynistic regardless of Mothers Day which is the least of the issues!
MadMadaMim · 21/03/2023 23:11
I've responded YABU because you equate intelligence to caring and/or giving a sh#t.
YAalsoBU because you facilitate his behaviour. Why did you let him tuck in to the food you ordered? Why did you spend time sorting out DC and not leaving that to him so you could eat? Why were you running round after DC when he could have done it? Why do you let him think dealing with his own DD being sad is not something he could and should be doing?
And whilst we're on the whys - why are you OK with your DD waking you at 630 for a toy - does he only have the one?
FWIW, IMO your DHbdoesn't seem decent and definitely doesn't seem to care. Frustratingly, if you do zilch for father's day, he won't even notice.
Stop enabling bad behaviour
MadMadaMim · 21/03/2023 23:27
He said he thought I should go because my resilience is clearly low because I’m so upset over this and exercise increases resilience.
So you should exercise to increase your resilience to his uncaring, selfish, hurtful behaviour?
That's basically what he's saying!
He also seems to have a sarcastic, nasty streak.
Madamum18 · 22/03/2023 17:37
MadMadaMim · 21/03/2023 23:27
He said he thought I should go because my resilience is clearly low because I’m so upset over this and exercise increases resilience.
So you should exercise to increase your resilience to his uncaring, selfish, hurtful behaviour?
That's basically what he's saying!
He also seems to have a sarcastic, nasty streak.
Its straight gas lighting isn't it!
SapphireSeptember · 22/03/2023 20:40
LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 20/03/2023 17:57
Sorry, but don’t get it - you are not your husband’s mother.
I'm not anyone's mother, but even I got a little treat at church on Sunday from the little kids in my ward (which I then dropped off at my friend's house, along with a card I got for her. She is a mother, but not mine.) Funny how it's easy to do nice things like that, even when you're not related!
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