How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

Why are you with him?

Just make site he gets the same reception for fathers day. Not to purposely make him feel shit...but because you are partners. So if that's all he gives, that's all you give.

Is he actually that smart? Sounds as thick as two short planks to me. Not to mention mean and selfish. Any redeeming qualities at all?

My morning sounds quite similar to yours in the respect of my DH being an inconsiderate, thoughtless knob.

I greatly enjoy spending Mother's Day morning crying over feeling so utterly unappreciated and taken for granted.

Currently cooking as we're hosting HIS parents for lunch later, after ironing all the dc uniforms for next week.

Lots of love OP, here are some flowers from me

make sure*

Why have you described him as decent? He sounds anything but.

Hes an arse.

When he says you should go to the gym, does he mean you should join a gym? Or does mean you physically go to the gym now?

Potentially a very clumsy way of getting you to leave the house as he has a surprise arranged? Afternoon tea at home or something? Only the OP will know how likely that is…

I’m sorry you’re feeling taken for granted. As others have said, it’s less about intelligence and more about him not thinking it matters.

I’m having a shit Mother’s Day because my husband is shit too. So I’m spending the day with my kids on my own. Screw my husband.

It’s nothing to do with intelligence or “getting it”. He’s just really thoughtless, selfish and rather nasty.

Sorry you’ve been crying about things. I had a cry too earlier, then pulled myself together and decided that it’s my day and I’ll spend it however I bloody like.

Could you maybe just leave him to cook (and iron) and bugger off to do something for yourself? Even if it’s just sitting down and not doing either of those things.

Actually I disagree. The internet is so awash with the Americanized version which is later in the year, I've got the dates mixed up for mother's and father's day before just because if you ask the wrong question you can get the American dates instead of the British ones or vice versa

You can't miss everything in the shops & on TV. They went to OP's mum yesterday with cards & presents. This is just a shit show from him that screams he doesn't give a shiny one about her.

Unless he's planning a massive surprise when you 'go to the gym' OP, do fuck all for him on Fathers Day.

There are so many posts like this along a similar theme. For what it's worth, here are my thoughts.

• he doesn't "not get it", he is making an active choice to not bother.
• expecting your family (DH/older kids) to make effort for you, to make you feel cared for and appreciated, DOES NOT make you entitled or unrealistic.
• if children are young, then YES it is ABSOLUTELY DHs job to facilitate mothers day for them. No it isn't spouse day, but it is about children seeing care and gratitude being modelled in their home and helping them to show it too.
• no its not a commercialised day unless you make it so. Most women on here are not expecting the moon on a stick. A bloody cup of tea, a card and and a £1 bunch of daffodils would at least show someone had cared enough to mark the day.
• for some women, mothers day isn't a thing. Now whether that's because they are just so used to the lack of consideration that they've stopped caring or whether they genuinely aren't bothered isn't for me to say, but either way, that doesn't mean that expecting your family to show they give one iota of crap on one day out of 365, makes you "grabby".
• finally, children learn by what they live. I'm sad at how many children are being surreptitiously fed the narrative that it's ok that mum's a martyr and its OK that we don't bother for her. I'm pretty sure if we tried pulling that crap on them on birthdays/ Xmas there would be a riot. Also, you are telling daughters that this level of effort is acceptable, and sons that this is the way to treat their future partners/mothers of their children.

He's full of me entitlement. He thinks he is a God and you are just there to serve him.
He has zero respect for you.

It’s only midday, plenty of time to put your coat on and take yourself off to a gallery or a museum or a park on your own. Those cream teas don’t eat themselves you know. You could leave out some craft materials for him and the kids to make a card, except you would hack e to clear up the mess later I suppose. Then when you come home, a long bath, in your jammies, watching David Attenborough and all those amazing birds that mate for life, share the upbringing of their chicks then bugger off for the rest of the year to do their own thing. When I come back I want to be an albatross, or a swan or a puffin.

I usually hate these mothers day complaint posts but actually this isn't about mother's day, it would be poor behaviour on any other day of the year too.

If you want anything to change you need to tell him, not a load of strangers on the internet. I know you shouldn't have to spell it out to him but he clearly doesn't get it. If you do that and he carries on with his thoughtless behaviour then that's another problem altogether!

Unacceptable.

Breastfeed the baby and then go out for two hours.

Tell him he's let you down so you're going out to treat yourself and you except dinner sorted when you get home.

What a prick.

Or both exchange half of each dish. What a selfish £$%^.

Oh and the thing about scoffing the first choice cafe item while you got the fallback choice- that is prickish any day of the year, not just on Mothers’ Day. Basic courtesy requires him to at least offer it to you, even if he hopes you’ll say “No, you have it dear”.

Yes, this. A lot of this behaviour would be a problem any day of the year. In that situation, OH and I would split the two meals in half and just have half of both each, because neither of us is a selfish arsehole. I'd be reading him the riot act. He's neither kind nor decent.

I voted YANBU! - because he is selfish, however you need to stop being such a martyr and call him out on shit.


When you told him there was only one of that dish left and got silence, you could have asked him to choose something else or suggested halving it and something else. When it arrived you could have asked him why he assumed he was getting the dish you both wanted? When he asked why it was up to him to get the toy or deal with your son, you could have said that you’d already told him you wanted a lie in and a cup of tea on Mother’s Day and secondly, why shouldn’t it be him?

Do fuck all for Father’s Day. Treat it like any other day.

If you can’t be arsed with any of the above just give him a massive bollocking and/or leave. At least stop filling in the gaps and picking up the slack.

I assume you are on maternity, I think a lot of men these days covertly resent this and behave shittily. I hope you can get back to work soon but don’t let him grind you down. I’ve worked with small children and stayed at home with small children and the latter was far the hardest. He still needs to pull his weight and respect and value you. Do not reinforce his view that he is more important than you, because that’s what his actions tell me.

Surely you can express some milk for DD?

& you do have places you can go, Even a walk in a park to decompress a bit, a coffee & newspapers somewhere ...

You’d really bloody think so wouldn’t you.

Which to me suggests there is some underlying resentment there from him to you. Some very passive aggressive shit going on there and Mother’s Day aside I’d be wondering how capable he is of being a kind and loving partner.

100% this. You can tell an awful lot about where you stand in your partners mind from little things like this.

Unless this is completely out of character / some massive drip feed backstory, your husband clearly thinks of himself and his needs first, while you are barely an after thought. I wouldn't describe that as decent husband if I'm honest, more you've just settled for poor standards.