How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

[Ishefuckingkiddingme]

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

[teawamutu]

Selfish prick.

I do hope you're going to replicate this level of thought and effort on Father's Day.

[Secondlass]

😉

[grumpycow1]

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Why have you used the word decent to describe him?

If he parents this shit the rest of the time it would piss me off more if he nailed it on mother's day as at least then he would show he is capable.

Is this his standard level of parenting/husbanding?

Yes!

[EstherGreenwood19]

He sounds like an absolute twat. I’m sorry x

[shellyjules]

YABU: You sound like a princess 👸 life isn’t this perfect. Stop complaining and cherish what you actually do have, these things can be taken from you in a blink of an eye.

[Ifrozethehoumous]

Sounds like your husband is completely selfish and thoughtless. Wait until Fathers Day and get your own back BIG time.

[1000N]

Yeah… i don't understand either:( last year was my First Mothers day and was ruined by 10am. No nothing either. I made it very clear how upset i was. It was a hard birth and he is a hard child and DH work 60h per week so i am ALWAYS alone or working (full time). Because i was so clear about how sad it made me last year i had high hopes for this year… well i guess there was an improvement i got chocolates bought in LIDL the day before in front of me as we did the weekly shop!

[teawamutu]

@shellyjules

YABU: You sound like a princess 👸 life isn’t this perfect. Stop complaining and cherish what you actually do have, these things can be taken from you in a blink of an eye.

This is sarcasm, yes?

[Mammajay]

I think we need to remind any fathers that don't realise it that on Mother's Day they are acting as agents for the children. Obviously you are not his mother, but you are the mother of his children. However, you need to be more assertive. Some men seem to need a painting by numbers guide. When he asked why he should go to the car you should have said "because it's mother's day! In the cafe you should have the preferred treat unless he hated the other option.

[axolotlfloof]

@Needmorelego

Did he forget it's today? It's early this year and I noticed in a lot of shops they were selling the cards etc under the signs that say 'Mother's Day" but none of the signage actually had the date on.

It's not early. It's always around now as it generally coincides with the anniversary of my Mother's death.
It's shit, but my husband is less shit than the OPs.

[Rosscameasdoody]

@CocoFifi

It"s one day a year, that is commercialised beyond belief. If you are happy the rest of the tile, what does it really matter

It matters because it’s one day in the year. Commercialised or not, is not the point. So many women posting on here that their DH/DP hasn’t made the effort with young kids to do anything - not even a card. It’s depressing to think that men think so little of their wives, but as pp have said, payback will be a bitch on fathers’ day.

[Madsciencecovid2020]

I feel for you as that has been my reality for a while. DH even took himself off to bed for half the day as he was feeling under the weather!!
I cooked dinner and sorted out youngest child etc. The older kids came out of room to give a gift then disappeared. Birthdays are even worse! It still pisses me off after 24 years of it! We have been together 30 years and his idea of a present is a bottle of baileys and a half dead bunch of flowers. 🙄

[Rosscameasdoody]

@axolotlfloof

It's not early. It's always around now as it generally coincides with the anniversary of my Mother's death.
It's shit, but my husband is less shit than the OPs.

Yep, falls the same day every year - 4th Sunday in Lent.

[shellyjules]

@shellyjules

YABU: You sound like a princess 👸 life isn’t this perfect. Stop complaining and cherish what you actually do have, these things can be taken from you in a blink of an eye.

@teawamutu Yes, yes it is.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Do none of these posters in these utterly miserable relationships ever question why they stay?

[CandidaAlbicans2]

I have sons, so no point getting used to being appreciated once a year as they will soon forget when they grow up anyway.

@Inthedarkagain surely you and their father are raising them to grow up into the best men possible? Otherwise they become the subjects of posts by unhappy women saying they're selfish, thoughtless twats, which doesn't help the women or them. Would you be so resigned to disappointment if they were daughters rather than sons?

[callthataspade]

@arethereanyleftatall

Do none of these posters in these utterly miserable relationships ever question why they stay?

I know. It's depressing.

[Tiddler39]

This is really insulting and misogynistic.

I’m sure some women stay with their husbands for money, but I’m sure the vast majority do so because they don’t want to break up the family and split custody of their children.

[Tiddler39]

@Rosscameasdoody

Yep, falls the same day every year - 4th Sunday in Lent.

Er, that’s not the same day every year because Easter (and therefore Lent) varies. Just sayin’.

[Pixiedust1234]

He said he thought I should go because my resilience is clearly low because I’m so upset over this and exercise increases resilience.

Op - this is seriously not a good sign. It won't be long before he's telling others that you are crazy or a pysco bitch. Nothing will ever be his fault. Please open your eyes.

[arethereanyleftatall]

@Tiddler39
I don't think that poster meant the wives were gold diggers as such, but rather that the family pot doesn't stretch to running two households and keeping the kids in their same standard of living. It is a reasonable consideration and I assume the main reason both parties remain with a spouse they don't even seem to like.

[GJ25]

Mine told me two weeks ago he doesn't see the point in mothers day!!! Every other year he hasn't bought me anything but luckily this year I got some valentine's chocolate and Christmas shower gel 😂. We went for lunch that I booked, I as per usual did all of the morning and evening kids routines and made dinner too. I was feeling ill all day (headache and dazy) which I told him and after lunch he took himself for a lie down and left me to look after the kids 😂. So happy bloody mother's day too!

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Intelligence has nothing to do with it. If he loved you and respected you he would want to let you know. Maybe not on a set day, and that doesn't matter as long as you are made to feel valued throughout the year. But if you're waiting for a sliver of affection to come once a year, and it doesn't, you need to examine the whole relationship really.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Mine told me two weeks ago he doesn't see the point in mothers day!!

We only bring all human life into the world, no big deal. I hope at the very least that you stop acknowledging Father's Day.

[crosstalk]

@TheRealist Yes, money is often the problem. A woman marries a man and they have kids. Realistically, unless she is a very high earner, it makes sense for her to stay at home until the kids are at school given the cost of childcare. Eg a nanny in London or Surrey could expect to earn up to £40000 if doing wrap around care and even if not that, latest government statistics say childcare eats up 3/4 of one parent's income - to say nothing of the problems when childminder or children are ill. So if you have an inconsiderate partner who doesn't help with the children at all ("I've been at work all week") and doesn't look after their partner that partner tends to have to suck it up. On the other hand, those neglected partners do need to be more firm and set their boundaries. In the OP's case, she might have gone to the gym as offered even if she just went there to have a shower and cry. And stayed a bit longer for coffee with a friend .....