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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

446 replies

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 11:52

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

OP posts:
Anotherturnipforthebooks · 20/03/2023 18:00

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 20/03/2023 17:57

Sorry, but don’t get it - you are not your husband’s mother.

I wish people would just stop with this disingenuous nonsense.

Do you tell your kids you're not buying them Christmas presents because you're not a wise man and they aren't the baby Jesus?

Rtruth · 20/03/2023 18:01

And why did you pick this delight as your partner?

VeganStar · 20/03/2023 18:03

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 19/03/2023 12:08

I just don’t understand. It would take ten minutes and £10 total to buy a card, buy a bunch of flowers, and make me a cup of tea. In exchange, he’d get me being happy and grateful and we’d have a nice time. Even from an entirely selfish perspective, surely ten minutes and £10 is worth it for him to have a nice day?!

Father’s Day is coming up. You can have a great day of payback when you don’t get him anything at all not even off the dcs.
Sit back and watch him waiting for his presents and card and then remind him of how things went for you on Mother’s Day.

LizzieSiddal · 20/03/2023 18:03

Gosh your last post shows he’s an even bigger dick! How very unattractive in every way.

MachineBee · 20/03/2023 18:36

I think it’s for you to get a ‘stomach’ and be unable to face making dinner/bathtime/story time/bedtime/washing up/any other thing you can think of. Or is he likely to pull the ‘Ive got books to mark’ card?

CocoFifi · 20/03/2023 18:46

It"s one day a year, that is commercialised beyond belief. If you are happy the rest of the tile, what does it really matter

ellyeth · 20/03/2023 18:46

He might be intelligent but he's just not very nice.

I assume you tend to bite your tongue and say nothing, for instance when he bagged the lunch you wanted, because it's just not worth him being bad-tempered about it.

T1Dmama · 20/03/2023 18:47

Well @Ishefuckingkiddingme - you can repay the favour on Father’s Day!!
I wouldn’t make any effort what so ever.. infact I’d book yourself in for a spa and leave him to it 😂

Missingpop · 20/03/2023 18:47

When Father’s Day comes round don’t even acknowledge it; a taste of his own medicine will do him good; I’ve got to add he sounds a complete selfish fucking cockwomble; I’d have given him such a bollocking he’d never dare forget again !!!

Miisty · 20/03/2023 18:47

Sorry for you but these dick head menare brought up by mummies not teaching them to help at home as they have skivied looking after the poor incabaple sons including my lazy husband

Madamum18 · 20/03/2023 18:50

He said he thought I should go because my resilience is clearly low because I’m so upset over this and exercise increases resilience.

THAT is straight gaslighting, making the whole problem your fault. This issue is bigger than Mothers Day Flowers

Ineke · 20/03/2023 18:50

Intelligent? Decent?
He is just plain horrible. If you want to stay with him, then on his birthday or on Father’s Day, give him a taste of the treatment he gave you, with knobs on. Then divorce him.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/03/2023 18:52

Insensitive, selfish, thoughtless and just a total prized prick. Book yourself a day and night in a spa for next year and leave mr lazy fuck face with the kids.

I’m sorry OP, but you deserve better and as the saying goes, if you want something done, so do it yourself (start looking up them spa day prices!) 💐💐💐 x

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 20/03/2023 18:53

Ineke · 20/03/2023 18:50

Intelligent? Decent?
He is just plain horrible. If you want to stay with him, then on his birthday or on Father’s Day, give him a taste of the treatment he gave you, with knobs on. Then divorce him.

This is a good point…. Give him the same shit thoughtless treatment for Father’s Day and see how he likes it…. Then divorce him!!!

pinkpantherpink · 20/03/2023 18:56

He is unkind and uncaring. Sorry but people don't change in my experience unless they want to. Think you need to tell him what you've told us x

TheGoodTheBadAndTheIrritated · 20/03/2023 18:59

This is your standard for Father’s Day, his birthday and your anniversary.

NicolaKK · 20/03/2023 19:04

@Ishefuckingkiddingme I feel for you. I have a 2 year old and my partner didn't get me anything at all. Still managed to get his own mum a card and some flowers!!!!

nannykatherine · 20/03/2023 19:07

Tell him !!!
what do you do for Father’s Day ?

Ozzie2020 · 20/03/2023 19:08

its making me so sad the amount of these posts on MN yesterday and today. A lot of low level shitty men out there including my own DH. I’m currently despairing of what my marriage will be like when my kids have grown up and left.

singledadstu · 20/03/2023 19:11

It’s not that he’s a man and nothing to do with intelligence. It’s just plain selfish behaviour.

Pliudev · 20/03/2023 19:11

Call a halt to this now OP. I put up with this for years and now he's old and needs me. So I have to look after him, in the knowledge that if the boot was on the other foot, I wouldn't be cared for. Give yourself a break and either go it alone (because then there's no-one to let you down) or find a partner who cares for and respect you. You only have one life.

Secondlass · 20/03/2023 19:13

I'm so tired of reading the same old s we should stand up and take action now!!!
WHY do we have to remind the OH in our life that it's Mother's day?
WHY do we have to purchase the card for them (that they forget to write) and
WHY do we feel this is acceptable??
It is NOT!! from now on, I'm going to treat people how they treat me. F* the do gooders that say you should forgive.
If you don't show me kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness, then F* you I will treat you with the same ignorance and contempt that you show me. Come on ladies!!! We should not put up with this.. we are not second class citizens 🙄

Charlottexo · 20/03/2023 19:13

My OH managed to get a card for me from our children apparently. However, he didn’t bother to get them to write it, I told him to save it until next year 🙄

oosha · 20/03/2023 19:14

What a total tosser

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 20/03/2023 19:18

I can empathise, op. My DH can be a thoughtless twat some of the time too. My expectations are not low generally ie he’s generous, doesn’t begrudge anything, definitely loves the kids and me. He’s just totally shit when it come to birthdays, celebrations and anything requiring sentiment or pre planning. It’s a total afterthought for him. Yesterday he did bollocks all, while I did a big lunch for family. However, later, when it dawned on him that maybe Mother’s Day should have been a bit about me, he asked me if I’d like a spa day with a friend or have a weekend away. He’s willing, but incapable. He’s better new than he was 10 years ago 😂 I hope your DH has redeeming qualities too. And he’s 27, so maybe he’ll learn…..

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