How do some intelligent men not fucking get it??

[Ishefuckingkiddingme]

DH is an intelligent human being. How is it that any intelligent human being has managed to fuck Mother’s Day up to this extent?

A few weeks ago, he asked me what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I said I’d like a day to relax, maybe lunch or afternoon tea with my DM or something like that. He said everything would be booked up and overpriced on mothers day so that was a clear no.

This morning at 6.30, DS wanted a toy that was left in the car and I asked DH to get it, he responded with “why is that my responsibility?”. No card, no cup of tea, no breakfast in bed - nothing. Every Sunday we do a dog walk and go to a cafe. Cafe opens at 8 but is heaving by 9 so DH is then hurrying me along to be out of the house early. In the cafe, DH goes to save a table and I go to order wrangling DS. DH and I order the same thing but they only have one left so I order something else for one of us - I tell him that and he makes no offer for me to have the thing we both originally wanted. He then tucks in and I manage DS and DD - by the time he’s finished, I’ve barely touched mine so he had over half of my food too. DS then sees something outside and runs over to the window, I go to retrieve him and when I get back, DH tells me that he’s had to get up to deal with DD “because she was so sad” and I wasn’t dealing with it (because I was on the other side of the room with DS!!). He’s purchased a book off Amazon that you’re supposed to gap fill with phrases like “I love my mummy because ” but he hasn’t filled it out. No card, no flowers, no dinner cooked, nothing. …and he’s just told me he thinks I should go to the gym. How hard is it for an intelligent, decent person to buy a bunch of flowers, fill out a card, make a cup of tea and not criticise me for one bloody day of the year?!

Happy Fucking Mother’s Day everyone!

No, just the mother of his child who is too young to sort something for mothering Sunday!

Duhhhh

I sincerely doubt it’s anything to do with emotional intelligence. its about not caring enough.

The test for this is that these men can demonstrate plenty of of emotional intelligence when it suits them. They often did this while they were making sure they got themselves a wife/mother of their children. But now they don’t feel they need to. So they simply don’t.

Let’s not perpetuate the myth that they’re poor souls that just aren’t as good at this emotional stuff as the women around them.

Same goes for those poor common-sense and practical skills lacking souls who are strategically incompetent when they can’t be arsed and there a woman around to do it for them.

my advice? Just act super grateful for the little things he does do today, shit I know, but it means there’s less chance he’ll be scared off trying to do a nice thing in future.

What the fuck? He's an adult man, not a skittish cat.

Or HE could show that he personally recognises all she does for HIS children and that he appreciates that.

Mothers day is a good opportunity to say to the mother of your children how much you value that

It’s not just sending your mum a bunch of last minute online ordered flowers. Or having your wife do that for you. 🙄

It’s so bloody depressing isn’t it.

Ohh the poor menz. And those awful ungrateful women. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I agree - dear lord, some women set the bar so low it's ok n the flipping ground.

it's on the ground, not ok!

@Anotherturnipforthebooks be fair, he’s just a poor little man, scared by the demanding woman.

Seems expecting even crumbs from them is too much and women should just collectively lie down and be grateful to be doormats so they don’t scare the lazy, selfish, entitled arseholes into a semblance of humanity.

We’d probably get more back from the cats.

That's the bit I don't understand.

So many women upset that their generally shite partners are giving them one "special" day.

Oh ffs I’m not saying that’s what he actually deserves. I’m giving her advice for an easier life, she should probably dump him, it’s not about poor mens- but if people are going to insist on marrying men like this they either need to get rid of them or learn how to get the most out of them. Honestly, the speed at which people assume the absolute worst on here is ridiculous. @Anotherturnipforthebooks he might be an adult, but I literally have never met a woman who would behave like this, but more than a few men. Treating him like this is not about accommodating him, it’s about trying to not have a completely miserable existence dealing with this bullshit. Much as some people on here would like to think it very very few men (or most people really but especially men like this) get shamed and nagged out of their bad behaviour. Even if they deserve it, if OP doesn’t want to end it for whatever reason then she’s better off finding a way to make it work. Yes it’s depressing, but it is what it is

I think Mothers Day as with other occasions comes with a lot of pressure. More to the point is, is this the sort of behaviour he exhibits on the average Sunday? You seem to have upped your standards/expectations for this weekend but they aren’t unreasonable expectations for any day.

If your relationship was strong he would have made Mother’s Day a priority. This should be your wake-up call that you need to start respecting yourself enough to make changes, to take care of yourself and your needs as a priority and to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you or your role in the household.

@Ishefuckingkiddingme sorry my previous post is a bit blunt, it’s not your fault he’s like this and maybe he completely changed when you had children. It must be a nightmare, “little things” are sometimes the most painful. I’d say show him this thread but honestly it’s very unlikely that he doesn’t know it’s out of order.

I think it borders on child abuse. If you can't show the mother of your children appreciation on the one day literally called Mother's Day then how are your children going to learn how to behave when they have wives/partners and children?

It's shitty but it's not child abuse.

This post has just reminded me it's mother's day! So no, didn't get anything but it's been my kids birthday, so it's all been about them. Don't do valentines either. Where did these days even come from anyway?

At least I only need to worry about my own Dad on father's day. That's worth not getting a shit bunch of flowers for. 😂

I have sons, so no point getting used to being appreciated once a year as they will soon forget when they grow up anyway.

Don't be bloody ridiculous, do you not understand what child abuse is?

Child abuse?

Wow

My extra used to last till 9:00 on Mother’s Day and my birthday, if I was lucky. Then he’d engineer a strop over nothing, worn out as the poor dear was with having to be nice and semi care for the kids for an hour or two. Then he’d spend the rest of the day being absolutely hideous and often our daughter would end up crying from having her idea of a happy family ruined. Your husband is a wanker and you need to stop waiting for him to get better. Either see if he responds to boundaries or leave him.

Yes, a bit better planning on my part would have solved this, but from what I read on here, I'm definitely in the top 5% club the whole year round so I was forgiven! Maybe next year Eh! :-)

id aim to get yourself the present of a new man for next Mother’s Day.

Of course it’s not her fault he is like this!

Yet there are more and more posts on these threads saying it’s somehow her fault for marrying him and having kids with him. It’s so misogynistic and victim-blaming.

Do people not realise that it doesn’t work like that? You meet someone and fall in love. What are women supposed to do then? Consult a crystal ball to see if that person is going to end up being a great dad in 5 years time?

I doubt many women are purposely choosing men like this to start a family with ffs.

That's the bit I don't understand. My husband has never done "Mother's Day". He doesn't need to because he's a gentle, decent, considerate man who does an equal share of parenting and running our home for 365 days each year.

The whole notion of "Mothers' Day" perpetuates exactly that.

It’s because he’s a selfish arse and you seem to be enabling it for some reason. I know it’s difficult but you really do need to get a bit more assertive. Next year book the place yourself as a backup. Don’t be hurried, he can wait for a table while you play outside with the kids. Just say nicely, they only had one X, so I brought Y as well, shall we go halves on both or would you rather just have Y to yourself. Snap back at him “because he’s your son and it’s Mother’s Day” if he asks something so stupid as why basic parenting is his “responsibility” ever again. Honestly unless you start establishing some boundaries one day all the resentment is just going to spill over and either make you very I’ll or you’ll have let things go so far that there’s no coming back.