To cut DHs night out short and ask him to come home?

[TheGumptionTheGall]

So DH went out tonight. He is only at the pub a few streets away, seeing a live band
He goes out maybe once or twice a week. In the days since then our 9 month old DS has been diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics. He is better now than he was but still coughing a lot and very unsettled at night.

DH went out at 6 tonight. When he left both kids were happily having dinner (we also have a 4 year old) and baby went to sleep fine at 7, but at around 8 he woke up coughing and crying and since then has cried every time he's put down. Or he'll stay asleep but then start coughing and wake himself up. I'm currently sat on the sofa holding him upright as he sleeps as that's the only position he'll stay asleep in. I haven't had a chance to properly tidy/clean up after dinner (I should say DH normally does this as I do all of the cooking), have a shower, or even consider going to bed myself yet. I suppose some might say just put DS in his cot and get on with it but as he's unsettled because he's poorly I feel that's a little cruel. I am already pretty exhausted as DS was very unsettled last night too and I dealt with 90% of the wakings, as I normally do (DS is breastfed and DH sleeps in a separate room as he snores terribly, so baby is in with me). I asked DH when he'd be home and he said 'probably midnight/1am'. I DO NOT want to be staying up that late.

AIBU to ask him to come home a little earlier, just to help out? I should say he doesn't drink so no worries about him looking after DS whilst drunk. He would come home if asked but part of me feels bad as he's been wanting to see this band for weeks. But on the other hand I'm exhausted, on my own with a 4 year old (albeit she's asleep) and a poorly baby and need to get some sleep? Sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed too easily and just need to suck it up.

Sorry missed a bit in first paragraph, it should say he did ask if it was okay with me if he went out tonight a few days ago.

Absolutely he should.

I’d suck it up

I’d get my husband back this is a 2 person job.

In your situation I wouldn't ask.

I'd ignore the cleaning, forget about a shower and just try and get comfortable with the baby. Then explain to DH tomorrow that you need to shower and catch up on some sleep so it's his turn to step in and take care of him.

If he doesn't drink then there's no concern he'd be too hungover to take over.

I would put the baby down for as long as it takes me to brush my teeth and change into whatever I'm sleeping in. Then pick him back up and get to bed. Showering and cleaning up can be done first thing tomorrow when you're both there.

Or text him and say he needs to do everything in the morning so you get to lie in and catch up on sleep.

Swings n roundabouts n all that

suck it up and get on with it

What time will it finish? Even proper concerts are generally finished by 11pm so if he's seen the band then it shouldn't be an issue to come home anyway.

YANBU. He's their dad and should understand that you need some help. You've given it a few hours by the sounds of things which is more than reasonable. I'd ask him to come home and give you a hand as it sounds like it would help.

@RichardsGear I asked when he'd be home and he said 'midnight/1am'.

Don’t worry about the dinner mess. It can wait until tomorrow.It’s ok for standards to slip a little when there’s poorly children in the house.

I wouldn’t ask your DH to come home. He can do night duty with the baby when he’s home and let you have the rest of the night. Just get comfy on the sofa with the baby until then.

Given it's after 11 now I probably wouldn't bother to be honest. I'd be expecting a lie in/rest tomorrow though as a trade off!

Can you do the minimum to get ready for bed and hold baby there? Maybe listen to a podcast or watch something mindless on your phone?

I'd just text with the heads up that he needs to take over for the night at midnight. I'd use this time to shower or whatever you need to do. Tomorrow's mother's day, so you get the day off anyway.

He will be back in less than 2 hours, I’d leave him

I think this is a perfect illustration of the vastly different relationships out there. My husband is far from perfect but if our baby girl had a chest infection he'd never leave to go to the pub, or if he did he'd tell me to call him if I needed him 100%. Don't get me wrong in other ways he drives me crazy but I wouldn't hesitate to call. You shouldn't be the default parent having to take care of everything, and if you need his help then you shouldn't feel guilty, they are his children exactly the same as yours. The ppl saying 'suck it up'...I just don't get it.

Will baby co-sleep? Might be worth trying for a few nights if he's poorly.

If just be going to bed if it was me and I was already exhausted. Who needs to do dishes at midnight?

Hopefully DS will at least sleep for an hour or so and you can text DH before you go to sleep and give him the heads up you need help with the night wake ups and staying up with him if he really can't sleep laying down.

That's what I'm thinking as well. The ones saying "suck it up" are likely the ones who struggle on and think if they have to struggle then so should everyone else.

Are you expected to stay up, is that the issue?

Asking him to come so you can clean up or shower would be unreasonable. If you can get yourself and baby into bed and to sleep, you should just do that. If it’s a case that baby is so sick you are worried about them, or is crying non stop, then I’d ask him.

I wouldn't bring him back from a concert for a shower or to wash some dishes, no.

But I would expect him to take the lead the next day and let me catch up on sleep etc then.

I think people mean she should suck it up in terms of cleaning up after dinner or showering. Neither are vital at present

The band will have finished now. I'd ask him to come home so he can hold baby for a bit while you get ready for bed.