To cut DHs night out short and ask him to come home?

[TheGumptionTheGall]

So DH went out tonight. He is only at the pub a few streets away, seeing a live band
He goes out maybe once or twice a week. In the days since then our 9 month old DS has been diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics. He is better now than he was but still coughing a lot and very unsettled at night.

DH went out at 6 tonight. When he left both kids were happily having dinner (we also have a 4 year old) and baby went to sleep fine at 7, but at around 8 he woke up coughing and crying and since then has cried every time he's put down. Or he'll stay asleep but then start coughing and wake himself up. I'm currently sat on the sofa holding him upright as he sleeps as that's the only position he'll stay asleep in. I haven't had a chance to properly tidy/clean up after dinner (I should say DH normally does this as I do all of the cooking), have a shower, or even consider going to bed myself yet. I suppose some might say just put DS in his cot and get on with it but as he's unsettled because he's poorly I feel that's a little cruel. I am already pretty exhausted as DS was very unsettled last night too and I dealt with 90% of the wakings, as I normally do (DS is breastfed and DH sleeps in a separate room as he snores terribly, so baby is in with me). I asked DH when he'd be home and he said 'probably midnight/1am'. I DO NOT want to be staying up that late.

AIBU to ask him to come home a little earlier, just to help out? I should say he doesn't drink so no worries about him looking after DS whilst drunk. He would come home if asked but part of me feels bad as he's been wanting to see this band for weeks. But on the other hand I'm exhausted, on my own with a 4 year old (albeit she's asleep) and a poorly baby and need to get some sleep? Sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed too easily and just need to suck it up.

I wouldn't think much of a man who went out that frequently with young DC while his wife never did. Nor would I think much of a man who left his wife to struggle with a sick child so he could go to the pub

Where has OP said she doesn’t go out? That’s an assumption you’ve made.

The baby has a cough, not some life-threatening disease

Op did you manage to get some sleep? I hope that dp took care of baby through the night and today and you're getting some well deserved rest. Everything is easier if you've slept

OP said earlier on in the thread that she hasn't been out since her eldest was born (her eldest is 4)

@Hadjab

"@SpareHeirOverThere nope, haven't been out since eldest was born but that's more my fault because I'm fairly anti social 😂"

She posted that at 23:40 last night

Hear hear.

Some people put up with far less than they should.

OP I hope you’re ok and I’m sorry about these ridiculous replies. What I would say is that you need to have faith in your own opinion and don’t ask on here.

Often I feel like asking for opinions on here and then I stop myself because I know what would happen. There would be people will different perspectives which have been formed from their own life experiences. There will always be the bitter people who are worse off that the OP telling you to ‘suck it up’. And there will be the people who go along with everyone else and enjoy ganging up on the OP. I could change the narrative slightly or come at it from a different angle and the replies would be completely different.

Only you know your situation and difficult as it is, you have to decide what is fair because it is subjective. My opinion is that you needed the emotional support of your DH and you were well within your rights to ask him to come home.

Do you work?

He goes out twice a week? I’d be curbing that. Twice a month when the kids are little is ample

This. My partner wouldn’t go out if one or both of our 8mo twins were poorly. He’s only had 2 nights out since they were born and I’ve had 1.

Possibly not too late - if DC is snotty and can’t lie flat, put them in the pushchair, sat up, in the bedroom. YOU can lie flat and rock the pushchair ……. If you’re really tired you can do this sleeping!
I did whilst singing twinkle twinkle little star on repeat for 12 months !!

the child may grumble but are far less likely to choke on their own snot !!

I would suck it up. Sounds like he doesn’t go out often and is usually v helpful. I’m not sure why he would need to come home so you can tidy up. Those saying that she shouldn’t have to struggle…it’s one night. Get over it!

@Mumto2kids86 He goes out twice a week if you read the OP…how is that “not often” or “only one night”?
I can’t understand any women here voting YABU? What century are you from?

The martyrs are out in force on this one I see.

To flip it round if I went out twice a week, I'd already been out a few hours and my baby was at home really unsettled when I'd probably just come home without being asked as I know we would be likely to be up in the night and I think it would be hard to fully switch off and enjoy myself if my partner was dealing with it at home all day and all evening and all night. So I dont think it's at all unreasonable to ask

Equally though she’s he asked first so that would suggest that he would have stayed if she’d said hey it’s been a shit week, leave it this time. So I don’t see how calling him to come home is going to upset anything, I wouldn’t think twice if I needed DH and he wouldn’t hesitate coming home. Perhaps OP is more worried about ruining his night than the possibility he would say no?

Just ignore fools like that, the simple fact is every one has different thresholds of what they can deal with. Some are martyr like and want to do it all by themselves so they can lourde it over others. Also when you have older children they can help and ever the burden, even if just keeping an eye while you shower. You are doing great

You are in a sleep deficit because you were up the night before as well.

It’s taken its toll and you needed to sleep for a few hours.

It’s disappointing for DH but part and parcel of being a parent., he needs to come home in these situations.

Sounds like you didn’t ask him to come home. Is baby better?

"DH, I need you to come home now. Something urgent has come up. It's regarding the disc personality test we discussed earlier. Please prioritize this and return home immediately."

I think you should call him home and I think 1-2 nights out a week is taking the piss a bit when you have 4 kids! Do you get equal leisure time?