To cut DHs night out short and ask him to come home?

[TheGumptionTheGall]

So DH went out tonight. He is only at the pub a few streets away, seeing a live band
He goes out maybe once or twice a week. In the days since then our 9 month old DS has been diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics. He is better now than he was but still coughing a lot and very unsettled at night.

DH went out at 6 tonight. When he left both kids were happily having dinner (we also have a 4 year old) and baby went to sleep fine at 7, but at around 8 he woke up coughing and crying and since then has cried every time he's put down. Or he'll stay asleep but then start coughing and wake himself up. I'm currently sat on the sofa holding him upright as he sleeps as that's the only position he'll stay asleep in. I haven't had a chance to properly tidy/clean up after dinner (I should say DH normally does this as I do all of the cooking), have a shower, or even consider going to bed myself yet. I suppose some might say just put DS in his cot and get on with it but as he's unsettled because he's poorly I feel that's a little cruel. I am already pretty exhausted as DS was very unsettled last night too and I dealt with 90% of the wakings, as I normally do (DS is breastfed and DH sleeps in a separate room as he snores terribly, so baby is in with me). I asked DH when he'd be home and he said 'probably midnight/1am'. I DO NOT want to be staying up that late.

AIBU to ask him to come home a little earlier, just to help out? I should say he doesn't drink so no worries about him looking after DS whilst drunk. He would come home if asked but part of me feels bad as he's been wanting to see this band for weeks. But on the other hand I'm exhausted, on my own with a 4 year old (albeit she's asleep) and a poorly baby and need to get some sleep? Sometimes I feel like I get overwhelmed too easily and just need to suck it up.

He already goes out once twice a week. Do you get to do that op ? If it was a rare occasion I wouldn't bother but as he goes out a lot. I would text him and demand he comes home.

@MoreSleepPleasee I can post because DS sleeps fine whilst I'm holding him upright.

Or tells you she is feeling overwhelmed and this is her way of having some kind of adult contact when she's drowning in baby stuff. No wonder mental health is so bad with this kind of attitude. No doubt you had 'be kind' plastered all over social media.

I hope your DS is better soon.
To be honest I would txt my DH long ago, he would come back and he wouldn’t mind it at all and we would do shifts. We always stayed with DD in turns when she was poorly, she struggled with coughing and blocked nose and couldn’t be left alone.
I wonder if other posters know what it means when you can’t put your child down, can’t even move a bit as it wakes child straight away and cause coughing. And then coughing causes more coughing, sometimes vomiting and always crying. It’s very exhausting for everyone.

@CombatBarbie he doesn't drink.

At this point ybu to ask for him back an hour till he’s due home, you state by your own admission you don’t go out socially so may not appreciate what this means to your dp.

I agree with the pp - at this point it’s not an emergency or 2 person job. You want some support from your partner which won’t be Much to gain at midnight.

you’re best off focusing on ds. My ds (8m) recently had something similar I sat in a chair with him wrapped up in a blanket by an open window for fresh air it helped us both to relax and he eventually settled on me in the chair until we both got off to sleep.

Dose up and bed down is your priority into recalling partner, you don’t sleep in together anyway so his home coming shouldn’t stop you settling down if you can,

@theinbetweener I'm not allowed to be overwhelmed or ask for help with a sick baby and no sleep, didn't you know?

Gah! Silly me! Er I meant to say suck it up and get that tidying done woman! 😉

Yes I’d ask him to come home and then take shifts in caring for DS so you can both get some sleep. I don’t know why any decent partner would have a problem with that.

Hope DS gets better soon

Seriously, ignore these idiots on here.
You have every right to ask him to come home because he has as much responsibility as you do! You had 2 hours of sleep last night because you were doing night duties! What was your husband doing? Sleeping soundly! Why is it that mothers are expected to be the default parent whilst the father can do what the heck they want? If anyone settles for this, then I absolutely pity you! You deserve to get some sleep, and you are not a crap mother or wife for asking him to help. Why should you even have to ask the father of your child to help. Bizarre to me. I hope you can get a well-deserved rest. You must be rotten

I agree with a pp now that the real issue is you did not want him to go out and have created a pretext to call him home early. Perhaps you need to work on honest communication with your DH because relationships where DC become pawns never end well.

Never post anything that suggests you are not Supermum on a Friday or
Saturday night, the Chardonnay Crew are out in force. Their glasses are full of cheap wine and self importance.

If he isnt home yet, ask to get home and then sleep as long as the universe allows.

It sounds like you want to call him home so call him home.

It doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks, just call him home.

You've already said you're feeling overwhelmed and he's been out since 6pm, get him home, give the baby to him and go to bed.

Your always going to get idiots on here saying suck it up and don't be a wimp etc. In the grand scheme these people and their opinions do not matter in your life. You're exhausted and mentally drained.

Just call him. Now!

100% this

If you're so convinced you are right, just call him. Why create a thread on Mumsnet to ask for other people's opinions and get angry, agitated and frustrated when other people's opinions differ from yours? I really don't get it.

Doesn't having to take care of an ill baby not making the day eventful and dramatic enough for you?

@Onnabugeisha completely incorrect. Also do not accuse me of using my DC as a pawn whilst simultaneously criticising my marriage. You may pull something reaching so far. Utter idiocy.

@margatino I was fine with people disagreeing with me. It's when I'm accused of subpar parenting or now using my DC as a weapon that I get defensive.

I hope he's home now, but you do need to talk to him about how if the baby gets ill again, you're severely sleep deprived and he's out, you'll have to ask him to come back to assist.

I think you are all forgetting that this woman had only 2 hours of sleep the previous night because SHE was up doing the night duties while the father slept soundly?
Do you not understand the effects of little to no sleep? Mentally and physically? And you're all jumping down her throat for wanting the child's father (who has just as much responsibility) to come home a little earlier so that she can get some sleep? Fucking shocking. You've all got such low standards that you'd expect this behaviour from your partner. Sad

OK he doesn't drink that makes it easier to understand. However, your original post was over an hour ago. Why haven't you just called and said "you need to come home, I need a break/sleep" or why you haven't just gone to bed with ds sleeping on you. It's all very martyring.

We've all had ill babies and have had to do the whole sleeping on us thing.

But who cares what strangers say? You are taking care of your little baby when he's unwell, sacrificing your comfort and staying up late for him, while making sure both your young children are fed and managing to put your 4 year old to bed. You are a great mum, without an ounce of doubt.

At the end of the day, people will give you advice and then they will get on with their evening, head to bed and sleep.
You know your kids, your body, your needs and your husband better than anyone.
If you feel that it's too much call him home. Once or twice a week is plenty for him to go out solo.

Oh OP, I’m annoyed for you just reading the sheer amount of rude posts on here and the huge number of posts from people that clearly haven’t read what you’re saying properly!!

You are absolutely within your rights to ask your DH to come home if you feel you need a hand with it - having a sick child can be physically and emotionally exhausting, especially on little sleep. It’s not like you’d be asking him to miss the band, just an hour or so of socialising afterwards when he’s already been socialising all night! It’s his child, too and I’m sure he would rather you call if it’s all getting too much.

Either way, he’ll be nearly back now if he isn’t already. I hope you’re ok and your little one settles. In a similar situation here and just out from 2hrs of settling my toddler who’s struggling to breathe (through being bunged up) and not cough whenever she lies down. If you haven’t tried them already (and you probably have with having an older DC), the Calpol plug ins are amazing when they’re bunged up!

Hope you get a good rest xx

Sorry I meant is as in who cares what strangers think of you as a parent*

I hope you get some sleep soon OP. My LO currently has a rotten cough and cold and its relentless and night. If he could at least hold while you get yourself sorted for bed, I hope he lets you have a lie in tomorrow for Mother's Day

Hi op sorry your having a crap time
Have you any vics or menthol rub at all ?
Rub on babys chest and throat and a on front
Of sleep suit
I used to run the hot tap in the bath and let mine breath in the steam
Hope baby is better soon