Feel shit and pissed off with kids grandparents

This was the quote I meant x

Interesting that you call them "kids grandparents"
Not My Mum and Dad

My Mum and Dad were that years before they became grandparents . They were delighted to be grandparents . They were brilliant grandparents
But you just see them as people who should babysit ?

My PILs when I had driven 9 hours to see them and I was pregnant with DC2 , said (well FIL said as MIL was going out ) that he was "too busy" to watch DS even though he was looking after their other grandchild .
Then complained they don;t see my DC

My thoughts then was a massive Fuck You . I will never ever ever ask another favour . Ever

I'm not understanding the pile-on here. It must be quite disappointing when your parents clearly have no interest in doing stuff with or even talking to their own grandchildren. I'd cut down on the weekly visits and do something fun with your kids instead.

Stop going every week make it fortnightly and stay for hour max, they don't have to babysit or even help with YOUR kids they are yours not theirs.

The “pile on” has been caused by the op’s enormous sense of entitlement.

She and her partner have chosen to have 3 children in quick succession, how exactly grandparents with a significant disability and an addiction issue between them, are supposed to support her poor choices is unclear to me.

would love to hear your parents side of this tale

Its the fact she's moping about how they aren't enjoying their grandchildren and falling over themselves to babysit. She has 3 under 5, you say to ANYONE they have to watch 3 kids under 5 for the day and doesn't that sound like fun, 99.9999% of people would reply fuck no that sounds like hell! One of them is ill and the other has an alcohol issue for christs sake.

Your post is a bit contradictory. They “expect” you to go see them , but when you do go they are not that “welcoming “. I think they probably feel tired and might prefer you didn’t come so often . Having 3 Kids around the place to have to entertain is exhausting for your mum, no doubt . Go see them less often. They are drained .

YABU. You cannot force them into a relationship that you think they should have, and you certainly can’t force them to babysit

you have to accept they don’t want to engage with your kids as you would like them to, and find a way that works, so only go one a month, if they complain tell them they can come to you to see the kids. Accept they won’t baby sit and if you want to go out pay a babysitter

OP, I don't think YABU to yearn for a closer bond between your kids and parents. My FIL was a bit like this and it hurt that he didn't take advantage of the opportunities, when we knew my mum or my partner's mum would have given their right arms for that engagement, had they been alive. Your parents aren't obligated to do anything or engage with your kids, but I think it's a perfectly, normal reaction to expect and hope for more. We aren't obligated to do many things, but in reality we all have certain expectations from friends and family.

Forcing kids to be with disinterested GP's is worse than not seeing them (GP's), at all. Take it from someone who, as a child, used to dread going to see the GP's due to the sullen attitude and constant moaning from them.

My 2 eldest kids had a sleepover at their house when they were 5 YO and 16 MO only because I left their bags and told them straight they were babysitting while I go to have dinner and night with DH before baby no 3 came along. Because if I asked they would of just said no.

At first I wondered what the heck I was reading and it was the usual entitlement drivel. Then I got to this. Pure Gold.

OP, can you understand not everyone is enamoured with babies/young kids. Hand on heart I can say mine were a chore and it’s just something you saw as a marathon to get through. Yes, we took them all sorts of places and did stuff but honestly my preference would have been to stick knitting needles in my head. But you just suck it up and get through. I have a great relationship with my kids, once they became humans in their own right with well thought out opinions and discussion, all the pretending to enjoy doing banal crap like soft play and playgrounds could stop and genuine enjoyment of their company kicked in. I know many cases from being friends with both parents and grandparents where kids relationships with grandparents grew organically over time (years, not immediate) based on genuine interactions and interests, not forced ones such as a situation where an entitled parent just dumps everyone together and pisses off for a jolly.

My 2 eldest kids had a sleepover at their house when they were 5 YO and 16 MO only because I left their bags and told them straight they were babysitting while I go to have dinner and night with DH before baby no 3 came along.

I can't believe you'd do this, my parents are great but I'd never go dump my kids on them. Smh, I'm not surprised they don't have much to do with you!

Involved grandparents are a benefit to children. But no one has a right to them.

So YABU to feel shit and pissed off that your parents aren't particularly great with your kids. Given that they weren't great with you either, YABU to have thought they would be.

Some grandparents just aren't up to it. They didn't like having kids and they can't "make" themselves like having grandkids. Dumping your kids on them without enthusiastic consent isn't going to make that happen (more likely the opposite).

For me this post is a bit of a mixture. There are some elements where you do come across as entitled but others where I just feel a bit sad for you.

We all want our own parents to love our children as much as we do. In the same way we want our parents to be proud of all our achievements and it's having our own children that can shine a light on this the most. To get a 'you're a great parent' from our own parents is probably one of life's best pats on the backs.

And we also understand that the world doesn't delight in our own children in the way we and our partners do. It can feel a little bit lonely and also terribly un'pc to shout from the roof tops - look at my children aren't they amazing. We know no one else cares - but we hope that our family and particularly our parents will join us in an 'aren't they fabulous' brag feast once in a while.

Getting the vibe that our children are a drag to our own parents - hurts. So I understand the emotions. I really do.

I would say - stop making the weekly efforts to see your parents. Perhaps it's a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or maybe it will just stop you feeling deflated week in, week out.

But for you, I think the unreasonableness comes from the 'it's so unfair' type of attitude. Maybe it isn't but you do have to deal with it and dumping kids that aren't wanted on grandparents is also unfair. Trying to get your parents to be engaged with your kids by forcing them on them week on week is also not working.

In short - you have to accept it. It sucks. But it's just the way it is for you. Wishing for better grandparents for your kids is futile. Give it up. You're only hurting yourself and your kids by forcing the issue.

And at the end of the day - I'm sure your kids are amazing. So the loss is entirely theirs. That's the place you have to get to.

You chose to have your kids, they are not your nanny

cut down your visits, they don't want them or enjoy them, you are just causing a load of stress to them

Your mum is disabled and your dad would most likely have been drinking so why would you even think it’s fine to leave 3 young children in their care? Especially the 2 youngest it’s a big ask of anyone. Some grandparents are besotted ( like me!) and some just don’t show interest everyone is different! I have chronic illnesses and can’t take mine out but I love to see them.

I don’t know if this post is real. Your Dad has drinking problems, your Mum has MS, but you are mad because they don’t babysit and don’t take them out for the day?

Why are you wanting to leave your kids with someone who can’t look after them, isn’t that irresponsible of you?

Do you do any looking after of your mum with MS?

My 2 eldest kids had a sleepover at their house when they were 5 YO and 16 MO only because I left their bags and told them straight they were babysitting while I go to have dinner and night with DH before baby no 3 came along.

WTAF

🍪

Stop having children and go back to school.

Your parents sound a bit self-absorbed but frankly so do you and much worse.
your mom has MS!! You glaze over this like it’s nothing. It’s a progressive chronic serious illness, that will eventually cause her death. and I don’t blame her one bit if she doesn’t want to look after your kids!! I am much older than you I’m sure and my father has Parkinson’s. He was diagnosed 12 years ago I think. It is like MS in that there’s no stopping it, it’s neurological and it’s frankly beyond shit. Chronic illnesses are a grind and aren’t for wimps. When he doesn’t feel well, he doesn’t call me, he becomes very withdrawn and I just think, he is allowed to be in whatever mood he wants because he is in pain, cannot move, and is basically trapped in a failing body.
Beyond that grandparents are not obliged to look after your kids!!! This idea you have that they should be into your family with their whole heart and be all sweetness and light for your benefit is so self absorbed to me. GROW UP.

I'm sorry this situation is making you feel rubbish. Yes it is true that grandparents being involved with their grandchildren is good for both parties BUT the same is said for having two parents etc etc. We can't have it all. And yea unfortunately you are being unreasonable. Your children aren't theirs and they shouldn't have to do anything if they don't want to.

YABU and entitled.
You had the kids, you look after them.

Your mum has MS, she needs looking after.
Do you offer to help her?

Your dad has alcohol issues too so is probably struggling.

The last thing they need is having to look after a bunch of lively kids which have been dumped on them.

Bullshit

Yabvu- hope that helps