AIBU?
Feel shit and pissed off with kids grandparents
Mamaofthree1 · 18/03/2023 22:58
I'm a SAHM with 3 kids (10 Wk Old, 1YO, 6YO. I'm always trying my best to be the best parent for my kids, spend time really with them like making sure am present and enjoying their company, take them to places nearly everyday to make them happy. I look back at my own childhood my parents weren't in it with their heart. They don't make any effort to see my kids they expect me to take my kids to see them every weekend they never come to mine to see them, they're not the most welcoming when I go there aswell, after like an hour they're yawning saying they tired etc and make it obvious they cant be arsed with the kids. My dad always drinks atm and that's all he cares about. Just feel like they're barely acting like grandparents. My mam does have MS and feels poorly quite a lot so I dont expect much from her but my dad doesn't have any excuse. My mam is poorly but she could enjoy their company more like interact with rhem more instead of just sticking them in front of the telly as soon qs they come un, if I ask to babysit she plain right refuses straight away. My 2 eldest kids had a sleepover at their house when they were 5 YO and 16 MO only because I left their bags and told them straight they were babysitting while I go to have dinner and night with DH before baby no 3 came along. Because if I asked they would of just said no. Am honestly just feeling so let down by them I normally would go every Saturday to theirs but today I just took the kids to softplay instead. Please tell me its my problem and it's not them. I just see all these other grandparents doing so much with their grandchildren while mine seems to be totally selfish never leave the house to visit us and always negative argumentative and miserable and just toxic for my kids. Sorry for the long post its just getting me so down. I feel like my kids deserve so much more. My other half's parents don't live in this country so they don't have anyone else by their side.
Am I being unreasonable?
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stayathomer · 19/03/2023 00:03
honestly personally I’d assume most gps are the same as yours for the simple reason- they’ve raised their kids and feel ready to have a rest!! I watch some of the gps that do collections at the school gates and they look bloody wrecked and I feel like telling their kids to go get paid childcare (listening to them talk amongst each other I feel like saying it even more!) I’m 43 and have 4 kids, I used to say ‘oh I’ll always be fully hands on etc’ but in even another 20 years given that my back and knees are in crap now I can imagine I’ll try a little but make excuses too! The gps you’re thinking of are made up by tv. My mum is great, she asks them about their day and makes them some food etc, but within an hour she’s hinting that she’s quite tired, or has to be somewhere.
Brandyb · 19/03/2023 00:04
I do get your disappointment. It's sad when your parents can't find that impetus to create the relationship with their GCs that would benefit everyone all round. Mine read bedtime stories to my kids on zoom (legacy of COVID) and it is a little joy.
But yours can't/won't, so you have to find the things that feel good for you and your kids, see your parents when you want to to with no expectations, ie less often, and then find the good people to hang out with, and a teenager to babysit
TrashyPanda · 19/03/2023 00:04
their house is not the most child friendly and they get stressed whenever my toddler touches stuff they don't like him touching but I would be okay with
it’s their house
they get to have it the way they want it and you need to respect that and parent your kids when you are there so they don’t touch those things.
that’s really basic.
TeenLifeMum · 19/03/2023 00:11
Your parents see your dc every weekend? That’s a lot imo. Mine aren’t local so see them every other month (message in between visits now they’re old enough to have phones) and dh’s parents see dc 3-4 times a year. My mum has babysat but not overnight at 16 months old! Wow! I think that was closer to age 3. My parents and in laws adore their grandchildren but that doesn’t mean they have to babysit or spend every weekend with them. Your expectations are way off normal ime. Some parents do do childcare for grandchildren but that’s not the norm in my friendship group.
ShonaShoop · 19/03/2023 00:11
Mamaofthree1 · 18/03/2023 23:07
Another thing I forgot to mention is their house is not the most child friendly and they get stressed whenever my toddler touches stuff they don't like him touching but I would be okay with. Just clearly want to be left on thei own in the house with no friends , I'm feeling so down when I spend too much time with them. Some advice please and tell me if I'm being unreasonable
YABU
The children you chose to have are your responsibility. Nobody else’s.
Your poor mum 😞
Teresa777 · 19/03/2023 00:14
stayathomer · 19/03/2023 00:03
honestly personally I’d assume most gps are the same as yours for the simple reason- they’ve raised their kids and feel ready to have a rest!! I watch some of the gps that do collections at the school gates and they look bloody wrecked and I feel like telling their kids to go get paid childcare (listening to them talk amongst each other I feel like saying it even more!) I’m 43 and have 4 kids, I used to say ‘oh I’ll always be fully hands on etc’ but in even another 20 years given that my back and knees are in crap now I can imagine I’ll try a little but make excuses too! The gps you’re thinking of are made up by tv. My mum is great, she asks them about their day and makes them some food etc, but within an hour she’s hinting that she’s quite tired, or has to be somewhere.
This.
We are both still in our 50s so it's relatively easy for us to look after our grandkids but even we find it totally, totally exhausting. Honestly can't get over PP's saying OP should keep her distance if they're not willing to provide a babysitting service. Her mum's got MS FFS!
If your parents didn't feel the constant pressure from you to babysit, you'd probably find they'd actually be a lot more engaging with them when they do see them, because they wouldn't need to worry about you dumping them there.
Tomkirkman · 19/03/2023 00:18
Jesus wept. This can’t be real.
You turned up, walked in a told them they were babysitting and walked out leaving your children there?
and you are also annoyed their house isn’t toddler proof?
These things alone make me think they would tell a very different story.
Eyerollcentral · 19/03/2023 00:24
Mamaofthree1 · 18/03/2023 23:27
It was my dad who done the running around after them until bedtime, he's 53 and not disabled.
You sound spoilt rotten. Your mother has an incurable debilitating illness at a young age. Your children are your responsibility. Get a grip.
Justmeandthedog1 · 19/03/2023 00:24
You can’t magic your parents into the perfect ( as you want it) grandparents. It’s just not going to happen and it’s better to accept that. My parents were similar, totally disinterested, no gp on other side. My kids grew up into normal adults without grandparents.
When you and DH want to go out together get a reliable babysitter. Invite your parents to lunch or tea every few weeks . If they choose not to visit it’s their loss.
BreviloquentBastard · 19/03/2023 00:28
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GayforMoleman · 19/03/2023 00:30
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Briar250 · 19/03/2023 00:48
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I understand where you are coming from, it doesn’t sound to me like ‘entitlement’ but just a mum who wishes her parents would be more involved.
YANBU
HowcanIhelp123 · 19/03/2023 00:49
Mamaofthree1 · 18/03/2023 23:21
Yeah but the real issue isn't that they wouldn't babysit, am not even bothered about going out really. Its the fact that they're not even appreciating what's in front of them.
Yeah, this alone proves you need entitled arsehole of the year award. You chose to have the kids. YOU. They didn't choose to be grandparents, they didn't choose for you to have 3 of them. Why should they babysit? Your parents are adults and are capable of deciding they don't want to be running around after 3 young kids, especially with your mums health issues.
I don't care how I'm related to you, I wouldn't be looking after 3 under 5! You have to realise you chose to have a large family, many wouldn't choose to have 3 under 5 of their own kids so they sure as fuck wouldn't look after yours for you.
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