AIBU?
To go on honeymoon without young DC?
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48
So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.
I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.
This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!
YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
PatsyJStone · 19/03/2023 00:20
I was left aged 4/5 for a week in care of a family member when my mum had an operation. I remember it well. I was so upset when I was left.
But, I had a fabulous week and I didn't want to go back!
I'm not traumatised and the person who looked after me has remained a very special person in my life.
It didn't bother me as a child afterwards, I never thought of it. As an adult I laugh at how the tables turned after the week away.
Both your children will be fine. You'll all miss each other but the time will fly by, all will return to normal very fast when you return.
It's a one off opportunity, take it to do something.
CoffeeBean5 · 19/03/2023 08:16
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 22:15
The more I think about it yes, the more the idea does make me anxious/worried. We are now considering perhaps just a long weekend away in the UK. But I imagine some might say even that is horrendously cruel.
Most people on this thread have said 2-3 nights away is absolutely fine so you’re exaggerating and being very defensive by saying people think that’s cruel. That’s very different to 10 days. Your eldest will struggle with being separated from their parents for 2 weeks, but your youngest will struggle the most because they are a baby don’t have any concept of time. A long weekend is easier.
JackHackettsMac · 19/03/2023 09:00
sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 19:34
All well and good posters don't want to leave little children but do people REALLY not ever leave children until they go to University?!
I get you might not have the time/ money etc to go away with OH, but you really wouldn't leave teens ( in safe care) if you had the opportunity???
Safe care of whom? Where would he go?
There are no grandparents alive and we have no family living in this country. He doesn’t go to any clubs so he spends his time either at school or at home or on holiday with us, nowhere else.
Not everyone lives in a town or city with access to endless activities for kids either.
TheScreams · 19/03/2023 09:07
Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:08
I wouldn’t leave a 1yo for that long. They’d probably think you’re not coming back.
No they wouldn’t. What a ridiculous and nasty comment. Do you ever think before you post or did you think and decide to be an idiot anyway?
sunglassesonthetable · 19/03/2023 09:18
Safe care of whom? Where would he go?
There are no grandparents alive and we have no family living in this country. He doesn’t go to any clubs so he spends his time either at school or at home or on holiday with us, nowhere else.
Not everyone lives in a town or city with access to endless activities for kids either.
Obviously if there's no one to leave them with you you're not going anywhere.
That was hardly the point.
Normandy144 · 19/03/2023 09:28
We took a 5 night honeymoon to Europe when ours were 5 and 2. Grandparents looked after them and actually came to stay in our house. We went in term time so eldest went to school and younger one was at childminder, so it meant that it wasn't too exhausting for grandparents either. Don't second guess it. You should totally go ahead and do it!
Ihatethenewlook · 19/03/2023 09:35
TheScreams · 19/03/2023 09:07
No they wouldn’t. What a ridiculous and nasty comment. Do you ever think before you post or did you think and decide to be an idiot anyway?
Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:08
I wouldn’t leave a 1yo for that long. They’d probably think you’re not coming back.
You do know that this is pretty much the definition of separation anxiety, which is extremely common in children of this age?
’A child with separation anxiety worries a lot about being apart from family members, or other close people. The child has a fear of being lost from their family, or something bad happening to a family member when they are not with that person’. What do you honestly think is going to go through a 1yo’s head when their parents vanish for 10 whole days?
Op don’t exaggerate peoples posts. No one’s said 2-3 days isn’t ok. Ten days is definitely unfair though imo. Would you actually even enjoy yourself being away from your little ones that long?
TheScreams · 19/03/2023 10:33
Ihatethenewlook · 19/03/2023 09:35
You do know that this is pretty much the definition of separation anxiety, which is extremely common in children of this age?
’A child with separation anxiety worries a lot about being apart from family members, or other close people. The child has a fear of being lost from their family, or something bad happening to a family member when they are not with that person’. What do you honestly think is going to go through a 1yo’s head when their parents vanish for 10 whole days?
Op don’t exaggerate peoples posts. No one’s said 2-3 days isn’t ok. Ten days is definitely unfair though imo. Would you actually even enjoy yourself being away from your little ones that long?
TheScreams · 19/03/2023 09:07
No they wouldn’t. What a ridiculous and nasty comment. Do you ever think before you post or did you think and decide to be an idiot anyway?
Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:08
I wouldn’t leave a 1yo for that long. They’d probably think you’re not coming back.
You do realise that definition doesn’t agree with your point at all, right?
Theelephantinthecastle · 19/03/2023 13:19
In your case, I think it's fine - because it sounds like your parents are very involved, they do more looking after them than a lot of dads on Mumsnet seem to. I think in effect for you, it's more like leaving them with their second parents.
Mine don't have that level of relationship with anyone other than me or DH so it would be a no for me.
Personally, while I would love a long weekend away without the kids, if we had anyone who would take them, I think 10 days would be too long for me.
Theelephantinthecastle · 19/03/2023 13:24
I remember very clearly when my dad went away for a week when I was 5 - I cried every single night when he didn't come home. I remember wondering if he had died. I was fine in the end, obviously but I am 40 and can still remember crying myself to sleep over it. And I was with my mum!
drpet49 · 19/03/2023 13:30
berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 18:23
It’s a no from me.
I think a relaxing child free honeymoon is one of those things you have to give up when you decide to have 2 kids before getting married tbh.
This. I certainly wouldn’t leave a 10 month old for 10 days and don’t know anyone who ever did.
Marblessolveeverything · 19/03/2023 13:43
We went for a four day European break when eldest was two and he was with my mum and sisters. To us it was long enough but that's me and my comfort.
Ten days seems a little long but it is up to you and your comfort. I think the fact there is two children will help them and the older one can have a little countdown.
Have a think about what your comfort is and work from that
coeurnoir · 19/03/2023 14:52
I left my kids for a fortnight at around the same age to go on honeymoon. They stayed with my parents, got spoilt rotten and even had a little mini break with them in the middle when they all went to a cottage by the seaside with my sister and her kids.
I don't recall them being traumatised (I think I'd remember). They were more interested in the presents we brought back for them.
Now they are 24 and 21 and seem mostly well rounded I guess 🤷♀️
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