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To go on honeymoon without young DC?

177 replies

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48

So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.

I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.

This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!

YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 18:52

Also your littlest one is only just one and you’ve already left them with the grandparents for 3 days?

I suspect we are very different kinds of people… and you’ll just do what you want anyway


GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/03/2023 18:53

Ffs. Go and have a lovely time.

Your dc will be fine with your parents. Im sure you’ll speak on the phone / video call.

Some people (your friend) really shouldn’t have friends if they’re going to say that sort of thing about a decision they’ve made.


SaltyGod · 18/03/2023 18:53

I'd go.


MarshaMelrose · 18/03/2023 18:54

Go and enjoy yourself. They'll be absolutely fine.


Oysterbabe · 18/03/2023 18:56

This comes up from time to time and it's always divisive. It's a definite no from me, it's too long for such small children to be away from both primary carers.


sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 18:57

Well yes. We clearly have different priorities and standards when it comes to raising children. You’re literally having to actively research whether your children may be traumatised and psychologically damaged because your desire for a long holiday is more important than their welfare. But you’re still obviously going to go 🤷🏼‍♀️ like there’s a single baby on this planet who would be delighted at their parents disappearing out of their lives for what must seem like an eternity to them.

You're out the of order @Ihatethenewlook . Talking about standards. You should know by now that not everyone does everything the same. There is no ONE standard.

OP you know deep down what will work for your kids. It might be different from NewLook's kids.

Because all kids, families etc are different.


SouthLondonMum22 · 18/03/2023 18:58

berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 18:50

You can spend quality time with your partner without the kids without buggering off on holiday. There is a happy medium

Going away is a different experience, especially if both couples usually work full time and in their case, a special occasion which they want to celebrate childfree.

There is a happy medium, I agree. I'm not seeing how 1 honeymoon is an issue.


IfYouDontAsk · 18/03/2023 18:58

The thing is, none of us (including you) can know how your DC will feel about being away from you for 10 days. They might be fine the whole time, they might be ok for the first few days and then start to struggle, or they might miss you desperately from day one.

If they are distressed, would your parents tell you and would you come home or ride it out?


SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 18/03/2023 18:58

A 20 month old isn't a baby for christs sake, it's an almost 2 yo. Nothing wrong with you going @StrawberryButtons. It isn't going to scare or traumatise them. If they'd never been left with them then it would be, but they're already able to do 3 day stretches with no issue.

At 2 and 5 yo if the parents were split up some have 50/50 and do holidays where they're without the other parent for 2 weeks. Some parents have jobs that require travel for even longer periods like the military. As long as your parents are very involved, there's really no difference between leaving them with a grandparent they see daily and with a parent they see daily.


Oopsiedaisyy · 18/03/2023 18:59

When my daughter was 3 i had to travel and left her for 2 weeks, she was fine, its not like they are going into kennels! They will be with people they know and love


TenoringBehind · 18/03/2023 18:59

Just go! Of course they’ll be fine.

MN is weird about things like this.


Boysnme · 18/03/2023 18:59

I left my 2 year old & 6 month old for 5 days - we had to take a trip abroad for DH medical appointment. I probably wouldn’t have done it if it had been for a medical appointment and I couldn’t have done it for 10 days but 5 was totally fine.

if you are comfortable with 10 days though then go for it!


mummypigoink · 18/03/2023 18:59

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask how it has been demonstrated there is long lasting psychological trauma to children arising from spending 10 days with loving and attentive relatives.

My MIL generously looked after my then 2 year old for ten days as I was exhausted in the late stages of pregnancy and then unexpectedly went into a long drawn out labour and delivery. Does that mean DC1 has been traumatised and psychologically damaged? Especially as when she came home, DC2 had invaded?

If you are comfortable with it OP, crack on.


AmberChase · 18/03/2023 19:00

My parents left me with my grandparents for similar amounts of time more than once when I was a toddler.

No harm done (as far as I am aware 😅). No attachment issues and have always been close to my parents.


Pancakepipsqueak · 18/03/2023 19:00

My parents went on their honeymoon when I was 3 and my younger brother was 1. We are now 32 and 30 and can confirm - no lasting trauma for us! Hope you have a lovely time


Pippylongstock · 18/03/2023 19:01

I would love to see this peer reviewed research?
You are leaving your children with loving care givers I’m sure they will be fine. But you need to carefully consider how you will feel. If you haven’t left them much previously.
I had to travel a lot for work when my children were younger (I did 8 international trips when my daughter was 12 months and 2 years). My children were completely fine. But my mental health took such a nosedive. I am in no way staying you shouldn’t just flagging it wasn’t that easy.


fUNNYfACE36 · 18/03/2023 19:01

Young children do forget their parents very quickly.Around the 18 month stage I didn't really know who my mum was after 10 days in hospital ( babiescnot allowed to visit in those days), and I know my 16 m old forgot dh adter a 2 week work trip.


StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 19:02

@berksandbeyond the time I left him for 3 days, DP was away for work and I was rushed into hospital with acute appendicitis. Nice rush to judgement though.

OP posts:

Everydayimhuffling · 18/03/2023 19:03

I personally would shorten it, but I also think they will be fine. My then 27 month old stayed with her grandparents for 10 days while my son was having an operation. She was ready to come home at the end, but was fine. No signs of trauma at all, then or 2 years later.

Thanks for all the horror, though, everyone!


Pippylongstock · 18/03/2023 19:03

Man. Your children won’t forget you. Especially if you FaceTime them!


Oysterbabe · 18/03/2023 19:03

Some relevant research here


Bearonthestair · 18/03/2023 19:04

Not a hope in hell of me leaving a 20 month old for that long. It wouldn't even occur to me. My chances for adult holidays was before I became a parent. 10 days is a very long time.


NewtoHolland · 18/03/2023 19:06

It's John Bowlbys work on attachment that people are referring to I obviously it would be pretty hard to justify that kind of study now. However there are differences as obviously the children he was studying were in hospital wards and not with familiar care givers and a sibling. However obviously 20 month old will be too young to really have any concept of what is happening. For me it's not a decision I'd make, but I wouldn't judge someone else for it, everyone parents differently.


Greenpin · 18/03/2023 19:07

I was in hospital for a couple of days when my child was 2. He stayed with a much loved aunt. He came back a changed child . Huge separation anxiety for a good 6 months after. No lasting trauma now but I felt awful and it wasn't my choice to leave him.


SparkyBlue · 18/03/2023 19:07

Personally no I wouldn't leave them for that long. Of course you are entitled to a honeymoon and it will be lovely to have some childfree time together but for me I'd do around 4 or 5 night's maximum and keep the rest of the budget for the next family holiday.

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