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To go on honeymoon without young DC?

177 replies

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48

So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.

I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.

This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!

YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/03/2023 19:28

sounds as if the older on is comfortable there - so if she isn't panicked, that should help the youngest?


Annon1234 · 18/03/2023 19:28

Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:46

Well yes. We clearly have different priorities and standards when it comes to raising children. You’re literally having to actively research whether your children may be traumatised and psychologically damaged because your desire for a long holiday is more important than their welfare. But you’re still obviously going to go 🤷🏼‍♀️ like there’s a single baby on this planet who would be delighted at their parents disappearing out of their lives for what must seem like an eternity to them.

I bet your fun at parties 🙄


tirednewmumm · 18/03/2023 19:29

NalafromtheLionKing · 18/03/2023 19:15

I have spent a total of two (non-consecutive) nights without my DC since they were born. The eldest is 14 now. I wouldn’t even consider leaving them for a weekend, let alone 10 days.

This baffles me as it's totally different to what op is proposing, have they not done residential trips with schools etc? I think it's important for them to get used to being away from you as they enter their teens tbh


SouthLondonMum22 · 18/03/2023 19:29

NalafromtheLionKing · 18/03/2023 19:21

Come to think of it, he has been away a couple of times for his benefit rather than mine (not by the age of OP’s DCs though!!).

We go on lots of amazing holidays but just always take them with us. Not sure why the OP wouldn’t do the same TBH.

Because parents are allowed to have holidays without children. It's also possible to do both, not just one or the other.

We're going away without baby in June but with him in August, as an example.


AllBellyandBoobs · 18/03/2023 19:29

We still haven't had our honeymoon because I couldn't leave ours and DH said it wasn't really a honeymoon if they came along. We got married 11 years ago. I guess we'll wait now until they have gone to University. No regrets from me though. I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing they were so far away from me.


sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 19:30

Okay? OP asked for opinions, she’s getting them. I wouldn’t do it, and yes I’d judge someone for doing it… it’s her choice whether she cares!

Nope you've already given your opinion, now you're dishing out judgement about her husband from a one line comment.

Keep digging. 🤦‍♀️


CheersForThatEh · 18/03/2023 19:32

I think it's too long personally. Especially for the 20 month old.

But if you have your heart set on it then you could build up to 5 days. I would worry that DC might feel unsettled by doing that though and it might be a big ask on your parents but I'm a worrier by nature.


MissP2022 · 18/03/2023 19:33

Hubby and I went on our honeymoon for a week (to Scotland) when my son was 9 months old - he had a lovely time staying with his Grandma and Grampy! Enjoy ☺️


sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 19:34

All well and good posters don't want to leave little children but do people REALLY not ever leave children until they go to University?!

I get you might not have the time/ money etc to go away with OH, but you really wouldn't leave teens ( in safe care) if you had the opportunity???


CheersForThatEh · 18/03/2023 19:36

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 19:21

The reason I ask for peer reviews is because it's all well and good saying 'I THINK it's cruel and harmful' but that is just an opinion at the end of the day and, as this thread clearly demonstrates, opinions on this differ dramatically. If there were studies that said 'Yes, this IS harmful and here is the research to prove it', I would give that more weight. That's not to say I don't value opinion either and of course I have my own feelings. Tbh yes I do feel some anxiety and worry at leaving my children for so long, which is why I asked. But I wouldn't judge anyone else for doing so.

Whilst I wouldn't do it I do think you've hit the nail in the head exactly: it's for you to make an honest judgement about how you think your children will feel about the situation and how you will too and whether that weighs up. If you are sure they are safe and happy and wont get overwhelmed and you wont spend the week pining for them and worrying about how they are without you then it could work X

Sounds passive aggressive but not meant to be.


MegaManic · 18/03/2023 19:38

I don't really understand the 'I would never leave my kids' answers. The only reason for them can be to show how superior you are. The op didn't ask would you leave your kids - she asked is she being unreasonable, in her circumstances, to go on her honeymoon without them.
As far as the majority are concerned YANBU.


Schoolchoicesucks · 18/03/2023 19:39

OP, this is such a personal decision. You know your DC and their relationship with your parents.
It's not something I would do - my 2 year old came on honeymoon with me - but I didn't have family willing or close enough to consider it.
Since then, DC have stayed for 2-3 nights with grandparents.

If you are worried about it, then a luxurious UK weekend or 5 day European trip could be a solution. If you feel confident that you, your dc and your parents will be fine then go ahead and have faith in your judgement. What others would do is irrelevant.


BadgerCive · 18/03/2023 19:44

Absolutely not- I thought you were going to say a long weekend but 10 days? I know this will sound judgmental but how could you even want to be apart from such young children for that long? It will be hugely distressing for them. If you think it's fine though I expect you'll just do it and convince yourself it's ok but there's no way I could relax on a beach with my young children in another country for 10 days - I find it weird that anyone would want to.


Littleladylumps · 18/03/2023 19:46

Don’t let other people opinions stop you!

We went alone and they had a great time with my parents. It was like a holiday for them too.


Bobbybobbins · 18/03/2023 19:48

I would do 4/5 days max - you could go abroad. I think longer than that would become v stressful for you, the kids, possibly grandparents.


BadgerCive · 18/03/2023 19:54

I'm also a worrier by nature though and would want and need to be with my DC if they were unwell and wanted mum. A grandparent isn't the same. But in spite of that I wouldn't be apart from children if that age for that long unless I was forced to and I the thought of it makes me really upset.


Anotheroverreaction · 18/03/2023 19:54

I absolutely wouldn’t - I have a four year old and a 21 months old and am debating very carefully whether I go on a four night hen do leaving them with their dad. No way would I leave them without either of us for longer than a night or two. I’d also worry about going abroad the two of us and leaving the children in case anything happened to us (and pre children we frequently travelled all around the world)


AnneLovesGilbert · 18/03/2023 19:57

Why does it have to be 10 days?


MegaManic · 18/03/2023 19:59

I’d also worry about going abroad the two of us and leaving the children in case anything happened to us
You are more likely to be killed in a car crash in this country and have something happen abroad. You would never go anywhere or do anything together on this basis!


MrsMikeDrop · 18/03/2023 20:02

Sorry haven't read the whole thread. Can you take the grandparents with you so yiire not actually too far away? 10 days does seem long, but if you're comfortable with it, go for it. That or else postpone the trip for a year or two


NBLarsen · 18/03/2023 20:05

I don't know about traumatising them, but I don't think I could be away from them for 10 days, I just wouldn't enjoy myself for missing them. I could do a long weekend, maybe 5 days at a push, but then the joy of being on holiday would be cancelled out by missing the kids.


cantstandmuchmore · 18/03/2023 20:05

We get married a few days before ds turns 2 and I have no idea how he / I will cope if he doesn't stay with us that night! It's subjective only you know what you and your children will be happy with.

10 days seems excessive to me though, if I felt
Comfortable leaving my ds I certainly wouldn't go for that long personally


Sunsetandsmiles · 18/03/2023 20:07

I would say absolutely go for it. If the children are left with a relative and will be safe and normally are okay staying overnight etc then what’s the issue?
It’s important to remember that even though you have kids you’re not just a parent. You need time to yourself and time together as a couple. Not everyone will agree but I left mine at 4 and 6 months for 8 nights. They’re now 14 and 9 and, low and behold, there’s been no lasting effects.


lozrox90 · 18/03/2023 20:10

YANBU. We went on honeymoon to the Maldives for 10 nights whilst my in-laws had our 16 month old. Go and enjoy yourselves!


Anotheroverreaction · 18/03/2023 20:10

MegaManic · 18/03/2023 19:59

I’d also worry about going abroad the two of us and leaving the children in case anything happened to us
You are more likely to be killed in a car crash in this country and have something happen abroad. You would never go anywhere or do anything together on this basis!

Not necessarily- it depends where OP is going as lord of places round the world have very different approaches to driving/ safety etc

I am a bit shocked by these posters saying they left babies a few months old to go on holiday. I just don’t get it at all - did you not do that before you had kids? Can you not wait until they need you a bit less? I think it’s really selfish.

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