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To go on honeymoon without young DC?

177 replies

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48

So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.

I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.

This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!

YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Thinkbiglittleone · 18/03/2023 20:11

I know we wouldn't be able to enjoy ourselves leaving them that young for that long but as others have said, it's a personal choice. If you don't think your children will be upset or overwhelmed by you both going away and you can both enjoy yourselves, then go for it.


neighboursmustliveon · 18/03/2023 20:22

Even now at 14 and 15 I wouldn't want to leave my dc for more than 3 nights.

How many holidays a year can you afford? If this will be your only holiday then I think YABU, if you can afford multiple holidays a year so will get a family holiday or two, and don't mind not seeing your children for a week then you do you.


Howtostart · 18/03/2023 20:25

I personally wouldn't (and didn't hesitate)... same as you at the time. But 20 years ago. They fucking LOVED the fortnight with the GPS (well the oldest did the youngest has no recollection)

All went to Uni, got good jobs and are happy people. No one needed psychological support because we went away for a fortnight 20+ years ago !!


Growlybear83 · 18/03/2023 20:26

My daughter had a lovely relationship with my Mum when she was little and they spent a lot of time together, but I could never have left her to go on holiday at any age and wouldn't have enjoyed myself.


HealthConcerns · 18/03/2023 20:39

YANBU. Go and enjoy yourselves.
FaceTime exists and they will be fine with their grandparents.


SouthLondonMum22 · 18/03/2023 21:08

Anotheroverreaction · 18/03/2023 20:10

Not necessarily- it depends where OP is going as lord of places round the world have very different approaches to driving/ safety etc

I am a bit shocked by these posters saying they left babies a few months old to go on holiday. I just don’t get it at all - did you not do that before you had kids? Can you not wait until they need you a bit less? I think it’s really selfish.

We did it before children and will continue to do it alone as well as take DS on holiday with us too.

Why? Because parents are allowed to enjoy some time without children who are being cared for (and likely spoiled!) by trusted family members.


Sarah061991 · 18/03/2023 21:11

Long weekend away maybe but absolutely not a different country for 10 days. Utter madness


Hairyfairy01 · 18/03/2023 21:11

We mostly got married for the honeymoon and left our dc ages 5.5 and just 2 with grandparents for 2 weeks. It was great, would highly recommended it! Do what feels right for you and your family.


Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 21:32

Annon1234 · 18/03/2023 19:28

I bet your fun at parties 🙄

It’s you’re.
And 1995 called. They want their joke back.


Wallywobbles · 18/03/2023 21:33

I did similar every year. My kids knew their granny really well. She always had them if they were sick so I could keep working. Brought them back when they were better.


saveface · 18/03/2023 21:47

Honestly, no, I wouldn't leave very young children for that long.
Traumatised is probably a bit strong but yes I do think it'll impact their attachment, particularly the 20 month old.
Atleast 5 year old has some understanding but I imagine that has its own consequences,

Personally I wouldn't enjoy being away from them for such an extended period of time. How do you feel about it?

I've only left my DS (3) with grandparents one night when I had DS2 and had a EMCS. However he spends lots of nights away from me as I'm a shift worker but he's at home with DH (his dad) & knows I'm just working and I'll be home to take him to nursery.

Is it booked? Can't you compromise and do two 3/4 night city breaks in Europe or similar over long weekends a few months apart so it's not such a long time?

A friend of mine did 3 nights in Iceland in winter and 3 nights in France in summer and this worked well for them & their kids who were 10 & 6 at the time. Kids had fun weekends at each set of grandparents and adults had enough time to unwind and enjoy without worrying that they were far away or kids were missing them too much.


PinkSyCo · 18/03/2023 21:53

I left my eldest (then 20 month old) DD with my parents when I went on my honeymoon. We only went away for 3 days, and all I kept thinking while there is that DD would love this. She was perfectly fine of course, but I really did miss her so be prepared for that especially as you will be apart for so much longer and will have 2 children to miss.


SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 18/03/2023 21:56

To everyone saying you've never spent the night away from them even though they're 25 now, of course THAT would be traumatic to never leave them then suddenly disappear for 2 weeks. However, they routinely stay with OPs parents, which paid in dividends when she had a medical emergency and they had to step in for 3 days. If they're used to staying with them, it won't be traumatic at all. People used to send their kids to spend entire summers with other relatives. OP has chosen to have her children used to staying with her parents, there is nothing wrong with that, and it comes with rewards such as being able to go on a child free holiday.


GinAndTony · 18/03/2023 22:00

No I wouldn’t do this. How about a weekend for the two of you then a family holiday later?


MumOf2workOptions · 18/03/2023 22:07

Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:08

I wouldn’t leave a 1yo for that long. They’d probably think you’re not coming back.

I wouldn't do this
At a push a weekend on your own 1/2 nights and then a family holiday
I think it's selfish


Train007 · 18/03/2023 22:11

It’s a long time for the Grandparents to look after the children. I had my one grandchild for three nights recently and we were exhausted!


StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 22:15

The more I think about it yes, the more the idea does make me anxious/worried. We are now considering perhaps just a long weekend away in the UK. But I imagine some might say even that is horrendously cruel.

OP posts:

BadgerCive · 18/03/2023 22:16

I don't think anyone can compare a long weekend in the UK to ten days in a Greek island.


MissEira · 18/03/2023 22:26

Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:20

How do you know the kids will be fine? I’ve had a little look if any research has been done into this, and while the data is hard to verify in some cases, studies suggest that leaving a child under the age of 3 for more than 2-3 days can leave lasting trauma. I know we’d all like time away, there’s not many people who I know who’d be happy to knob off on a ten day holiday leaving their baby at home. Surely a long weekend would be best for now, and a longer holiday when the child has a bit of a clue what’s going on and that mum and dad are coming back? My kids are 6-15 and would likely be upset if I said I was leaving them for ten days.

Nonsense! Shes not leaving them to fend for themselves, they are with loving family who are familiar!
DH and I went on a 12 day holiday when our kids were 2 and 3. Best thing ever! We would love to go again, but my mum was exhausted afterwards, so now its short trips only 😃

My parents went on honeymoon when I was 8 months and they left me with my grandma. I stayed with grandma a lot in my childhood and we still have such a close relationship now. I think its wonderful when kids can grow up with these special bonds and experiences with grandparents/aunts/uncles etc.


Lipfloss · 18/03/2023 22:33

Your children will be with people you trust, love and who adore them, they'll be fine. They won't be traumatised or forget who you are ffs, DH was deployed for 6 months when DS was a toddler and they are thick as thieves now- no trauma. I would on the logistical side check what the deal is if you need to come home at short notice ie if you can easily change flights etc but as long as you're comfortable go and enjoy your honeymoon! It sounds great, they won't remember anyway but you'll have wonderful memories.


SouthLondonMum22 · 18/03/2023 23:19

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 22:15

The more I think about it yes, the more the idea does make me anxious/worried. We are now considering perhaps just a long weekend away in the UK. But I imagine some might say even that is horrendously cruel.

Probably! Some people judge parents, though especially mothers who don’t want to be with their children 24/7.

Don't let any of the OTT judgments put you off. If you feel comfortable with longer away then they will be fine and have a great time with family members but if not, that’s absolutely fine too.

Hope you have a great time no matter what and congratulations on the wedding!


AliceMcK · 18/03/2023 23:33

Personally I couldn’t, it’s the reason DH & I have never had a honeymoon. I’m very much of the mind I didn’t have children to leave them with other people. Plus there is no one I’d trust my DCs with, certainly not for that length of time. But I know people who have gone abroad for 1-2 weeks leaving young children with family, I’ve never seen any lasting effects on those children. One set of grandparents lives only doors away and are regularly looking after the children as parents have to travel and work long overnight shifts so I don’t think it really makes a difference.


Marchsnowstorms · 18/03/2023 23:57

Tough call. When I was a teen we looked after a friends DC for ten days. The 5 year old was really traumatised by it


Marchsnowstorms · 18/03/2023 23:59

Personally If I could go away without my Dc for a few days id grab it


savethatkitty · 19/03/2023 00:05

Absolutely do it! Enjoy every second.

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