AIBU?
To go on honeymoon without young DC?
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48
So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.
I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.
This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!
YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
AndTheSurveySays · 18/03/2023 19:07
Young children do forget their parents very quickly.Around the 18 month stage I didn't really know who my mum was after 10 days in hospital ( babiescnot allowed to visit in those days), and I know my 16 m old forgot dh adter a 2 week work trip
Seriously? My baby nephews and nieces remeber me even after a month or two of not seeing them.
I think you have to have a very poor relationship for them to forget you after a two weeks.
Go and have a nice time op. Your children will be looked after by loving grandparents.
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 19:08
Thank you all for the opinions, even ones calling me a monster and a terrible parent (I'm leaving them with loving grandparents, not dumping them at an orphanage ffs), but I appreciate things like this are very divisive. Luckily I can stil cancel the booking and get a full refund. Tbh I think I would worry far too much being so far away and for so long. Yes, I do actually care about my children 😂
JackHackettsMac · 18/03/2023 19:09
I think I’d find anything longer than 4 days far too long as I’d miss them too much.
DS was 4 when we got married and I’d have liked the wedding night in the hotel (which was a wedding gift), but DH wasn’t keen so we gave the free night’s stay back to the couple who gave it to us to enjoy themselves.
We’ve never had a night away from DS and he’s 14 now, so I guess when he goes to Uni, we’ll book somewhere. 🫣
Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 19:10
Greenpin · 18/03/2023 19:07
I was in hospital for a couple of days when my child was 2. He stayed with a much loved aunt. He came back a changed child . Huge separation anxiety for a good 6 months after. No lasting trauma now but I felt awful and it wasn't my choice to leave him.
I was going to mention separation anxiety but I don’t think the op wants anyone disagreeing with her. The ops youngest child will be around peak age to be affected by that. Plenty of info on that on the nhs website for those who need someone peer reviewed to tell them they’re acting cruelly towards their children.
sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 19:15
I was going to mention separation anxiety but I don’t think the op wants anyone disagreeing with her. The ops youngest child will be around peak age to be affected by that. Plenty of info on that on the nhs website for those who need someone peer reviewed to tell them they’re acting cruelly towards their children.
oh stop it.
I don't suppose you'd agree with the way other people parent on other things also and they with you.
You are NOT the expert on cruelty.
Sounds more like you've got a bee in your bonnet about OP agreeing with YOU tbh.
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 18/03/2023 19:16
OP we did exactly this for our honeymoon and it was absolute bliss to be child free for 10 days! Left them with grandparents, my eldest has frequent sleepovers with them anyway (once every 2 weeks or so) and youngest was perfectly happy but again has stayed with the grandparents before we went overnight.
berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 19:17
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 19:02
@berksandbeyond the time I left him for 3 days, DP was away for work and I was rushed into hospital with acute appendicitis. Nice rush to judgement though.
Lovely drip feed. Yeah, I’m judging your DP who didn’t come home to look after his kids when his wife was in hospital, but you do you!
mummypigoink · 18/03/2023 19:18
NalafromtheLionKing · 18/03/2023 19:15
I have spent a total of two (non-consecutive) nights without my DC since they were born. The eldest is 14 now. I wouldn’t even consider leaving them for a weekend, let alone 10 days.
So your 14YO hasn’t done school residential trips, gone away camping with Scouts, or had a sleepover with relatives or friends?
StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 19:21
The reason I ask for peer reviews is because it's all well and good saying 'I THINK it's cruel and harmful' but that is just an opinion at the end of the day and, as this thread clearly demonstrates, opinions on this differ dramatically. If there were studies that said 'Yes, this IS harmful and here is the research to prove it', I would give that more weight. That's not to say I don't value opinion either and of course I have my own feelings. Tbh yes I do feel some anxiety and worry at leaving my children for so long, which is why I asked. But I wouldn't judge anyone else for doing so.
NalafromtheLionKing · 18/03/2023 19:21
mummypigoink · 18/03/2023 19:18
So your 14YO hasn’t done school residential trips, gone away camping with Scouts, or had a sleepover with relatives or friends?
NalafromtheLionKing · 18/03/2023 19:15
I have spent a total of two (non-consecutive) nights without my DC since they were born. The eldest is 14 now. I wouldn’t even consider leaving them for a weekend, let alone 10 days.
Come to think of it, he has been away a couple of times for his benefit rather than mine (not by the age of OP’s DCs though!!).
We go on lots of amazing holidays but just always take them with us. Not sure why the OP wouldn’t do the same TBH.
MegaManic · 18/03/2023 19:24
I'm really surprised that the YABU is around 30% I would have expected it to be much lower. There are obviously a lot of contrary killjoys on MN!
Op, go and enjoy yourself. Your kids are clearly bonded with your parents and will be absolutely fine. Oh and your friend is not really a friend she is a judgemental cow (like a lot of the posters on here!)
Pinkypurplecloud · 18/03/2023 19:24
I wouldn’t but then my children, especially oldest, just wouldn’t have coped for more than 24-48 hours. They have loving and involved Grandparents and enjoy an occasional overnight sleepover but they’re primarily bonded to me and DH. They struggle if just one of us is away longer than a couple of days. At 20 months my oldest would have been absolutely distraught if both of us left him for ten days.
I’d also be worried about what happens if eg child gets significantly sick or your parents get sick or there’s a 9/11 or Icelandic volcano type issue that grounds planes… I wouldn’t be comfortable with both my children’s parents being a significant flight away. If my child ended up in hospital for example I would want to be able to get back in a couple of hours not a day or two. I had my years of travel and exotic holidays before I had my children.
But this is a “you do you” issue. If everyone involved is comfortable then it’s not your friend’s business.
berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 19:27
sunglassesonthetable · 18/03/2023 19:19
Lovely drip feed. Yeah, I’m judging your DP who didn’t come home to look after his kids when his wife was in hospital, but you do you!
God alive you literally know NOTHING of the situation!!!!
You couldn't make it up.
Okay? OP asked for opinions, she’s getting them. I wouldn’t do it, and yes I’d judge someone for doing it… it’s her choice whether she cares!
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