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AIBU?

To go on honeymoon without young DC?

177 replies

StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 17:48

So finally, after 7 years and 2 DC together DP and I are getting married in November. We have booked our honeymoon and plan to not take the DC. They will be 5 and 20 months when we go away and we'll be gone for 10 days. My parents have very generously offered to have them. They've had them before but the longest has been 3 days (all was fine). Youngest goes to my parents at least one day a week whilst I work and has done since 6 months old so is well used to them.

I am really looking forward to it but a friend has made me second guess myself, she looked frankly horrified when I said we weren't taking the DC and said how young they still were, how long we'd be gone for etc.

This will be the first time we'll have gone on 'proper' holiday without DC and the first time DP will have been abroad! I'm now starting to worry I will traumatise them by leaving them for 10 days!

YABU - Your friend is right
YANBU - Enjoy the honeymoon, kids will be fine

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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LongDuckDong · 18/03/2023 18:07

Go, enjoy yourselves. If your parents are capable and the kids get on well with them then I don't see a problem.

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Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:08

I wouldn’t leave a 1yo for that long. They’d probably think you’re not coming back.

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Justmuddlingalong · 18/03/2023 18:11

Don't give it a second thought. Go and enjoy yourselves. The kid's will be fine.

Your friend sounds...odd/jealous/bitter/one of "those" mums.
*Delete as applicable

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Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 18/03/2023 18:12

Killed me leaving ds 10 months for 1 night when we got married and I am in no way a first time dm!!

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VivaVivaa · 18/03/2023 18:13

I’d struggle being away from DC for that long personally. Im a bit pessimistic and I’d be worried about the distance if anything were to happen. But everyone is different and if you are happy with your choices I certainly wouldn’t judge you. I don’t think you’ll DC will be traumatised at all.

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Bemyclementine · 18/03/2023 18:15

I think people are very different about this sort of thing. I couldn't have done it, but I absolutely wouldn't judge anyone who does! Enjoy yourselves.

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Marchforward · 18/03/2023 18:16

It would be a no for me.

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SunsetBlue · 18/03/2023 18:16

Go and have a wonderful time!! Yes I could leave my DC for that long if I knew they were safe and loved.

My honeymoon was 5 nights on a geek island. 5 star and bliss without the kids.

If you're worried about 10 days, why not postpone and do a week Europe the following summer?

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SunsetBlue · 18/03/2023 18:17

*Greek island.

A geek island probably isn't my cup of tea.

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Campervangirl · 18/03/2023 18:18

Make the most of it, it'll probably be the last time you'll get a child free holiday for years 😉
It's your honeymoon, you can facetime them, 10 days isn't very long, go for it.
Ignore your friend, remember opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one!

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Sneakyblinders · 18/03/2023 18:18

Surprised by the results (so far!) - I would not leave a 20 month old (to me, this is a baby) for 10 days. I'm shocked anyone would!

Even a 5 year old I wouldn't but appreciate some people might - I wouldn't enjoy myself after 4 or so nights!

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Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:20

Justmuddlingalong · 18/03/2023 18:11

Don't give it a second thought. Go and enjoy yourselves. The kid's will be fine.

Your friend sounds...odd/jealous/bitter/one of "those" mums.
*Delete as applicable

How do you know the kids will be fine? I’ve had a little look if any research has been done into this, and while the data is hard to verify in some cases, studies suggest that leaving a child under the age of 3 for more than 2-3 days can leave lasting trauma. I know we’d all like time away, there’s not many people who I know who’d be happy to knob off on a ten day holiday leaving their baby at home. Surely a long weekend would be best for now, and a longer holiday when the child has a bit of a clue what’s going on and that mum and dad are coming back? My kids are 6-15 and would likely be upset if I said I was leaving them for ten days.

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Pipsquiggle · 18/03/2023 18:20

Go and have a wonderful time.

Your DC will be having a lovely time with their GPs.

You know your DC and your DPs - you know they will all cope.

Just because your 'friend' wouldn't do it, doesn't mean you should do what she says.

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MrsDoylesDoily · 18/03/2023 18:21

I had a 5 day holiday away from my DS when he was 18 months old and he was very used to sleeping at my MIL's.

I think 10 days would've been too long for me but you know your own kids, so there's no point in asking Mumsnet really is there?

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Purpleberet · 18/03/2023 18:22

Everyone is different, don’t doubt yourself or let anyone else try to guilt or judge you because they aren’t in a position to do the same - whether it’s by choice or some other reason. Of course her comments could come from a place of jealousy but equally (and hopefully, if she’s a good friend) could be totally genuine. Some parents just don’t have much independent life after they have children because that’s how they feel happiest, and that’s fine, priorities change.

There’s no right or wrong, just what’s right for you 💕

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fruitandfibreg · 18/03/2023 18:22

Do it!

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Justmuddlingalong · 18/03/2023 18:23

They're parents, and a family, but also a couple. They're not knobbing off, they're having a honeymoon. Leaving the kids with capable, willing grandparents.

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berksandbeyond · 18/03/2023 18:23

It’s a no from me.

I think a relaxing child free honeymoon is one of those things you have to give up when you decide to have 2 kids before getting married tbh.

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purpleboy · 18/03/2023 18:23

I did 14 days when dd was 16 months. She was fine didn't even know we had gone, I however was a mess after a couple of days and cried everytime I saw a young child.
She is 20 now and I've never left her since

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fruitandfibreg · 18/03/2023 18:24

Surprised by the results (so far!) - I would not leave a 20 month old (to me, this is a baby) for 10 days. I'm shocked anyone would

A 20 month is not a baby fgs

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ChickenDhansak82 · 18/03/2023 18:24

Each to their own.

I wouldn't enjoy 10 days away from my kids. Way too long! I'd have booked a week maximum or paid for my parents to come along too and look after the kids.

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StrawberryButtons · 18/03/2023 18:24

Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:20

How do you know the kids will be fine? I’ve had a little look if any research has been done into this, and while the data is hard to verify in some cases, studies suggest that leaving a child under the age of 3 for more than 2-3 days can leave lasting trauma. I know we’d all like time away, there’s not many people who I know who’d be happy to knob off on a ten day holiday leaving their baby at home. Surely a long weekend would be best for now, and a longer holiday when the child has a bit of a clue what’s going on and that mum and dad are coming back? My kids are 6-15 and would likely be upset if I said I was leaving them for ten days.

Show quote history

Can you share links to the studies you found that state this? Not being goady, genuinely asking. I'm a scientist myself so appreciate peer reviewed research!

OP posts:

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Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:26

Justmuddlingalong · 18/03/2023 18:23

They're parents, and a family, but also a couple. They're not knobbing off, they're having a honeymoon. Leaving the kids with capable, willing grandparents.

They’re leaving a 1 and 5yo. Completely out of order imo. You can be a couple without scaring the shit out of your babies. I’ve seen people come on here and get ripped to shreds for saying they’re thinking of leaving their puppy for a week to go on holiday. Apparently that’s disgusting, but a baby wondering where mummy and daddy have gone for so long is fine, is it? I wouldn’t even leave a 5yo for that long, but at least they know what’s happening

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UWhatNow · 18/03/2023 18:28

Ihatethenewlook · 18/03/2023 18:26

They’re leaving a 1 and 5yo. Completely out of order imo. You can be a couple without scaring the shit out of your babies. I’ve seen people come on here and get ripped to shreds for saying they’re thinking of leaving their puppy for a week to go on holiday. Apparently that’s disgusting, but a baby wondering where mummy and daddy have gone for so long is fine, is it? I wouldn’t even leave a 5yo for that long, but at least they know what’s happening

Show quote history

I agree. And I actually think the 5 year old might be more hurt by it as they’re more cognisant at that age.

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RocketPanda · 18/03/2023 18:28

Go and have a wonderful time. I'm a bit older than lots of posters here and remember my mother being in hospital for nearly four weeks when we were kids. No mobile phones or facetime then. My dad was working and we stayed with an aunt. No lasting trauma.

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