At a kids birthday party today … so awful

[Rainbowdusting]

I’m at a kid’s birthday party with my 4 year old. It’s a little girl from his class.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but no one is talking to me. All the mums (and some dads) are chatting together, I feel like crying. It’s horrible. I smile and I’m nice to people, but no one wants to know. I don’t understand it. My son is on the ASD pathway, so I’m not sure if that’s why.
I absolutely hate school pick up and drop off but at least it’s really quick and it’s over and done with within a few minutes.
This is the two hours and my head is banging now 😭

Oh, that's horrible. Leaving one person out at a group gathering is awful

@Rainbowdusting Have you tried asking people if you can pull up a chair or if you can join their chatting group?

How rude of them.
Is your ds enjoying himself?
I've been there OP and it's really awful. If you've made the effort but got nowhere then find a seat and talk to us.

Urgh so stressful. It’s not you and it’s probably not them either. They are oblivious. Either take a book next time or force your way into a group and join in the conversation. Soon you’ll be able to leave your kid at parties and go off and do your own thing. You have my sympathies though. It’s like being 12 years old on the first day of secondary. 💐

I work full time so at that age for the DC, I was never at the school gates. I often felt like you but found if I approached people to chat (generally excruciating small talk with me asking all the questions) then it was fine.

Although I ended up taking my laptop to catch up on work and got a coffee. I ended up seeing the school gates parents as colleagues to one another the same way I had colleagues at work where I spent my time. It’s just one of those things.

I've had this and absolutely yes it is awkward and uncomfortable but you are there for your son. How's he getting on? Is he enjoying himself? If he is then it's worth it. I'd try and join in the conversation but if you don't feel up to that then just smile and encourage your child.

It’s probably that they already know each other and are just chatting. I’m not saying it’s not rude but I don’t think they are deliberately ignoring you ❤️ I often feel the same as you do OP, it’s not nice xx

If ds isn't that fussed I'd ask if he wants to leave and grab an ice-cream somewhere more inviting.

Welcome to the club. I tend to make sure I had something to do in my phone.

Tbh they probably haven’t even noticed you, not in a mean way but just they are “friends” so they are chatting together.

How are they rude? They’re all chatting together and the op is not. Perhaps they’re thinking that she is rude? Make an effort and join in!

Why don’t you actually make conversation?

Sometimes it annoying when people are never the ones to put themselves out there but complain when everyone else isn’t going out of their way to make the effort with them.

The parents invited you so they want you to be there. If you aren’t trying to be friendly and make any conversation it can easily come across as unapproachable.

Go up and talk to them!

Just do it!

🙄

Sure, every time a parent feels socially challenged, they should limit their child's social development by removing them from their friends.

I'd prefer this Making small-talk for 2 hours is excruciating - I'd much rather be ignored and left to my phone!

It's probably not on purpose OP - there's a lot going on at kids parties, it's easy to get distracted. I doubt it's anything to do with you or your little boy.

Just go and join one of the groups. That's how you will get to know people.

I feel your pain. I absolutely hated kids parties. I would sit by myself but I forced myself to make some (awkward) small talk to the party organiser. Things about the venue, food, the class etc. Just total bollocks but it cuts the atmosphere a bit.

Do this:

Walk over to them and say

"Hi, I'm x's Mum. Hopefully this will tire them all out!"

Go and ask the hosts if they need a hand with anything! Conversation and interaction work both ways. You’re currently looking at your phone so no one’s going to approach you.

We had DD’s party recently and I made a point of chatting to anyone I didn’t know or who looked like they weren’t with anyone but if they were staring at their phone, which no one was, I’d have assumed they were busy.

My school drop offs with my kids involved throwing them out of the car yelling bye and shooting off to work. Sometimes I even stopped the car 😬

Which meant that at parties and stuff I barely knew anyone, and wouldn't have actually known who was with the party and who wasn't. Don't take it personally

Have you gone over to join them? It's up to us to decide to join a conversation, if you are just sitting there, they may be thinking you don't want to chat, goes both ways

how is it rude
Mmmm… I guess it depends what you think constitutes good manners? Personally I couldn’t leave one person in their own in that sort of situation, I would have to go and chat, then introduce them to the group. I would feel very bad mannered if I ignored them.

This is good advice

I hear you. I've been there and I have left parties in tears before.

Keep chatting with us.

And try to bear in mind that soon you will be able to drop your child off at parties and leave. Trust me, parents soon realise that it's MUCH easier to run a party without all the other kids' parents hanging around. I much prefer them all to f* off and leave me to it!

OP, I can guarantee that this is in your head & nobody is deliberately excluding you - they invited you, you are wanted!

Social chitchat can be hard, but the hardest bit is getting started.
Choose somebody who looks kind, or interesting, & introduce yourself with small talk.
Ask who their child is, say who your child is, comment on the games or whatever, & you will find that asking a question & starting up a conversation isn't as daunting as you imagine.

You don;t have to have a great long discussion: just get yourself over that first hurdle. It gets easier with practice.

put your phone down and join a group and introduce yourself as Jacks Mum .