At a kids birthday party today … so awful

[Rainbowdusting]

I’m at a kid’s birthday party with my 4 year old. It’s a little girl from his class.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but no one is talking to me. All the mums (and some dads) are chatting together, I feel like crying. It’s horrible. I smile and I’m nice to people, but no one wants to know. I don’t understand it. My son is on the ASD pathway, so I’m not sure if that’s why.
I absolutely hate school pick up and drop off but at least it’s really quick and it’s over and done with within a few minutes.
This is the two hours and my head is banging now 😭

Tbh I think most people hate the awkward parents chit chat during parties. Just sit and look at your phone! It's not you, it's just a weird situation xx

You know kids parties are for the kids not the adults? If you chat to others that's fine, if you don't that's also fine.

Without sounding unsympathetic because I'm sure you're uncomfortable, but try and keep perspective. This is two hours of your day and then it's done and you're back to your weekend. We all end up in situations we're not loving at times, but the minutes tick by and it passes.
Try not to give this too much relevance and start extrapolating from it that theres something wrong with you or DC. There isn't. It's one event with one bunch of people. School gate socialising is a tiny part of your life, sometimes it clicks, other times not. Either way, in a few years you'll wonder why on earth you gave it headspace.

Are the all talking together or just pockets of people? Sometimes it’s hard if it’s pockets to spot someone by themselves. Next time just go and say Hi to one group

I do understand that, but other people can't fix your anxiety for you.

If they haven't deliberately excluded you, i.e. you've tried to make conversation and they've ignored you, then I do think it's on you to join in with a conversation. You'll probably find people are perfectly friendly when you make small talk. I know it's really hard for shy people, I am such a person and I hate these sort of events, but it's what you've got to do if you want to chat with people and get to know them. Some people don't, they would rather be left and lone to have a chill and play on their phone, that's I think why people who aren't joining in get left to it. If you want to talk to people, find a parent who you vaguely know, or a parents of one of your child's friends, and make small talk. It's the only way, it isn't really anyone else's responsibility, even if you have anxiety, or are shy, or lack social skills. It's just part of life imo.

you need to talk to them too, It works both ways.

At that age they are unlikely to be ignoring you because your child is ND , much more likely that they are talking to people they know so the onus is really on you to approach other people and say hello . It may be difficult to do if you are shy / anxious but unless you do it nothing is going to change .

Sending a big, OP. And do try chatting to someone. You could have some new friends there!

My son has ASD. In reception and year 1 nobody talked to me. They avoided me! That was in London.

Changed schools (due to a move) to a village school, totally different, I was welcomed. First party was a bit hard as people didn't know who I was but a couple of (lovely) mums introduced themselves and it went from there.

My child stuck to me like glue at parties and often wouldn't join in. People treated us awfully at the first school.

It is not you. It's then. Whatever the reason in your case, remember they are bloody rude.

I'd think someone sitting tapping at their mobile all the time was very rude. Put your 'phone away and introduce yourself.

Because she’s posting on Mumsnet at the party, I doubt she’s doing it through the power of thought alone.

I’m sure everyone is not purposely ignoring you, it’s all in your head. Smile, say hello, make some boring small talk. You’re not going to get a conversation started whilst sat posting on mumsnet 🙄

I'm interested that people think the OP should go up to a group and say "hi I'm jack's mum". The almost certain response will be a polite "hi", and then look away and back to the group conversation.

So it will achieve precisely nothing.

OP very soon you can just leave your son and go as people have said. Much easier and less hassle all round.

Kids parties where you don't know anyone are the worst.

I mean the ones where you do know people are not much better to be fair but at least adult company helps!

Probably hundreds of parents today around the country in the same position. I know I will be at 3:30pm! :s

Been there...it sucks.

I think your definitely overthinking. Talk to them or pull your chair up, I’m sure you won’t be ignored. Given it’s a party for 4/5yos most parents are still getting to know each other. I’ve spent many a party on my own, but by choice as I didn’t want to speak to anyone else, at the same time I’ve just pulled a chair up and started chatting to random parents when I’ve felt like it.

Honestly either chat or make conversation or take a book.

offering to help is good.

I work full time and my daughter aged 16 does pick up and drop off so I rarely chat. I used to really want to join in but recent events showed me over the treatment of a ‘friend mum’ showed me they are a next of vipers.

glad not to be involved or talked about

in my case - I work full time they don’t, I have a full time career they don’t, they are all married I’m divorced, they all meet socially and have gin and tonic yummy mummy meet ups. I know for a fact two if the women their so called perfect marriage involve affairs and debt. My children are very bright and there is a lot of jealous about that. Daughter has just won a top scholarship to a private school covering all fees and there was a round of negatively about me ‘pushing her’ etc and all said ‘we are all your friends’ nope I’m not- and I’m very much like - not discussing it. We are doing what is right for us. Etc

just ignore - read a book or offer to help if you want to get to know them

It is not you. It's then. Whatever the reason in your case, remember they are bloody rude.

the OP is sat with her head down on her phone, not talking to anyone, which isn’t rude. But people not talking to her is rude? Okkkaaayyyyy 👍🏼

Asking anyone who else they know here is a really useful question to keep in your arsenal.

If they know everyone, they will start to introduce you around.

If they say 'noone' there you have someone to keep you company. Potentially someone who will in due course become a best friend or at least a friendly face to chat to, which really helps.

If their response is not to include you, then hnmmmm.

I'd always tend to try to strike up a conversation with other people who appear to be on the fringes already.

You have got this. Good luck.

Is there a reason you don't feel able to join in? I get that it can feel difficult to infiltrate a group but I doubt they are being deliberately rude.

I always feel a bit awkward as there's a mum of my DD friend who has ASD.

I suspect her mum does too as conversation is very difficult and I must admit I've stopped imposing myself as I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

Is there anyone else there who seems left out? Go and talk to them and make them feel comfortable.

I felt like I had this at a recent party when everyone turned up in a couple whereas we had decided it was handy time back for my partner to prep for a family event the next day.

I did feel that I don't know anyone panic and spent the first ten min whatsapping friends and feeling awful and wishing I'd brought a book.

Then I calmed down, introduced myself to a lady on the next table who had a boring but easy chat with me about driving, introduced me to the wider family and then after about 20 min I saw a couple I already knew and ended up bringing them into the wider group.

I suppose my point is that it's fair enough to feel crap. If they are nice enough people you can kick off a conversation - but I would never judge someone who just brought a book.

Some eejits will judge a child whose behaviour is different but most won't - you might also be feeling very exposed and sensitive because you're working through things with your child.

Sometimes the hypocrisy of posters kills me. So funny.

Are you replying to all of the other posters complaining about the other women being rude for the crime of checks notes talking to their friends?