Text to husband

[PEEDOFFFACE]

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

I was in this position. One female colleague in a whatsapp group with 3 men including my DH. She is divorced and 7 years younger. I found it odd. I have met her and she clearly was over familiar and his response to her made me feel uncomfortable.

We went to her b'day party as he wanted to go to see old workmates, by this time she had left the company but they were still in touch. I told her to not contact him again and her response told me there was more to the friendship. I told him to choose.
I work with men, we have boundaries. This is not acceptable and your DH is encouraging this.

I’d go absolutely ballistic at my husband and this is when you need to nip it in the bud. NOW!

How would you respond if a man was texting you like this? Because my response would be,

’sorry that makes me uncomfortable as you know I’m married, I prefer our conversations remain professional. Take care.’

This is not ok and your DH is being an arsehole!

Also sorry if this makes me ‘unreasonable’ but I have male colleagues, I don’t have male friends. I expect the same from my husband to not have close female friends.

She’s being unreasonable and your husband should reply and tell her so. She’s married as is he… it’s inappropriate.

Agreed! Seems strangely like he wants to get to know her better too

This woman is behaving inappropriately.

Your DH is obviously so incredibly attractive that women can't control themselves in his presence, or he is leading them on to wind you up.

No this is inappropriate and he needs to make a point that this is unacceptable and unprofessional. Some thing along the lines of… I’m sorry but your comments are unprofessional and I'm also married so your comments are inappropriate. Please do not contact me unless it is work related. Blunt to the point and makes it clear where he and she stands… I think there is always a women at work who comes across friendly but in actual fact I feel is “testing the waters”. I appreciate you trust him however it’s not ok. And men love an ego boast it need to be addressed and stopped before he gets into a situation with this lady.

The trouble is, as the you seem to know, OP, that if this woman goes round hugging your DH and telling him what a lovely bloke he is, then something could happen on a work trip, even if your DH doesn't go looking for it, because she's stroked his ego and alcohol can break down the normal barriers. I think you need to spell this out to your DH to make him think in advance about what he could lose if this were to happen, and also get him to put his colleague straight about overstepping the mark with her inappropriate hugs and comments.

My dh decided to have a friendship with a old school friend despite being way over 16! I asked him to shut it down he pretended it was nothing. Pretended he shut it down. But was quietly lapping up the attention. I actually wish I was whole lot more forceful rather than trying to do the right thing. Maybe just message her yourself and tell her to back off. Tell him you sorted it then, as he doesn’t seem able!

It seems he’s enjoying the attention as he replied in an encouraging way. That’s not ok really.
it makes you think though, turn it round and a man messaging this if it’s one sided to a female colleague is easily seen as harassment. Either she’s harassing him or they are both flirting. I would not be happy with this in your shoes. It seems dodgy to me, especially given his reaction.

OP HAS UPDATED IN HER THREAD WITH THE SAME TITLE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

pp who wrote "Love, laugh and sing" > I don't know about the love bit, but if you laugh and sing at the same time you're probably going to choke to death. OP I think you need to ask your partner some direct questions, rather than speculating. You may have a problem, but without confronting it it won't be fixed. It's scary to confront issues, but maybe it's worse to ignore them.

Put your foot down. Tell him he is married to you and you're not putting up with this flirting. Don't worry if you feel like a bossy old cow. Set the boundaries now while its all trivial.

You need to tell him that you are not comfortable with how she talks with him, and you need to tell him to stop being blasé about it. His smiling and laughing about it sends the message that he's okay with what's going on and may be open to reciprocating. Put your foot down, and tell him that if she continues, he should report her to HR for harassment.

OP you are completely deluded or choosing to put all the blame on the other women. It's obvious to everyone here that your DH is courting this behaviour. He is actively involved in the flirting. Stop worrying about what these women are doing and what you would want to say to them and focus on communicating with your dh about his inappropriate behaviour with these women.

Sorry to say I think he's playing you. Both this time and with the emails from the last "weirdo".

Gaslighting 101.

OP won't be returning as she has another thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4764999-texts-to-husband?reply=124745663

I had a situation like this. I was very understanding - oh they're obviously just work friends, I'm being too needy etc.

A month later I find out they're sleeping together. I'm sure sure sure this isn't the case here, but stand your ground and get the answers you want so that you don't look back and think that you wish you had said/ done more.

Sorry, but this is completely inappropriate and your husband is in no way discouraging it. And the disclosure that this woman was having marital problems and not anymore (suddenly and perhaps conveniently) absolutely reeks. He may not be having an affair yet but he is certainly thinking about it. The other stuff with the ex colleague is also bizarre. How convenient that he wrote her off as a lunatic and all of this unwanted attention seems to be directed at him. I'd be furious.

I wouldn't like this. It's borderline but these things can absolutely lead somewhere.

I think he needs to have better boundaries or explain why he doesn't

Some might think he's not shutting her down right, but honestly he probably doesn't see it as an issue as cheating might not be a thought in his head. He's not hiding anything or being shady from the sound of it. Him asking for his wife to meet her is likely his way of showing her there's nothing to worry about. Personally I've never cheated on my wife of 13 years, nor have I ever hid anything from her (except for how much i pay for warhammer miniatures, she knows i have a problem) and maybe he's just the same way. If you trust your husband, then trust him.