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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Text to husband

237 replies

PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 03:08

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

OP posts:
RenoDakota · 17/03/2023 11:16

barmycatmum · 17/03/2023 08:41

I think, like a prior poster, that he wants you to meet her to show her he’s committed.
his replies sound uncomfortable to me-
like he doesn’t know what else to say.

just meet her, and hug him the entire time. Have your hands on him, your arm around him, etc.

tell her “he is huggable, but I prefer to keep him to myself.”

and wink.

cheeky, rude woman.
im usually the one who sees the man to blame, but this seems like a clear case of unwanted pursuit.

Christ, it's not a Carry On film.

mafiamanager · 17/03/2023 11:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Nudity · 17/03/2023 11:23

Tell him to shut it down or tell him you’ll do the same with younger male colleagues so he can see how it feels.

mafiamanager · 17/03/2023 11:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SusanJackson01 · 17/03/2023 11:28

This reply has been deleted

This was posted by a previously banned poster, we're afraid.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 17/03/2023 11:33

Your DH should be shutting this down!

Wouldn’t surprise me if a drunken kiss happened between the 2 of them on their hotel trip.

So many ex colleagues I’ve known who were married in various companies got together for sex mostly on business hotel trips.

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 11:36

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 17/03/2023 10:22

Nights away in a hotel for work parties? Alcohol flowing. You've never met his colleagues, even though he's worked there for years. How convenient.

Leaping wildly from the point, where ARE all these companies that regularly put on overnight work parties on hotels? Isn't there a bloody great recession on?

Global companies are still making huge profits and rewarding their staff for it.

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 11:39

Ah don't worry @SmileyClare, I do it all the time, with no painkiller excuse Grin

SavBlancTonight · 17/03/2023 11:41

One woman sending in appropriate messages seems like no big deal. Two feels like there's more to this.

MeridianB · 17/03/2023 12:04

He needs MUCH better boundaries - ideally no need for him to have any contact with colleagues on his personal phone and very clear, immediate pushback to any come-ons and flirting.

But I agree with PPs that he seems to have form for this and enjoys it.

The idea of you all meeting with your children is ghastly. Please don't do this.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 17/03/2023 12:06

Meet up and tell her straight that her texts are unacceptable.

SusanJackson01 · 17/03/2023 12:12

This reply has been deleted

This was posted by a previously banned poster, we're afraid.

girlfriend44 · 17/03/2023 16:44

She likes him, he enjoys the attention.

Takeitonthechin · 17/03/2023 18:01

If this is happening for a second time round with a different woman in a different workplace, then maybe your husband has a tendency to be a flirt at work.

Amabitnewhere · 18/03/2023 17:40

Your husband is not shutting her down. Stop being pissed off at her, you have a bigger and closer problem.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 18/03/2023 17:48

Careful. Keep an eye out incase he’s giving her reason to think she can text him like that, she’s obviously responding to something.

You are not wrong or crazy, your hubby should be shutting it straight down.

Jellyx · 18/03/2023 17:49

You can't control what she does but your husband can choose to put boundaries in!

ReallyTryingTo · 18/03/2023 17:56

He needs to shut it down. Even if he just says to her in a joking way that you weren't happy with her texts. If she's respectful she will stop it.

Gemcat1 · 18/03/2023 18:02

It seems that DH isn't sure what he wants to do because he has to work with her. He needs to block her on his phone as the first step. Meeting her may show her that he is happily married to you and may be hoping that you will put a stop to her texts. DH needs to say firmly to stop what is happening or he will report her to HR and/or her supervisor.

nuttynet · 18/03/2023 18:08

How did you discover these texts?

They're having an affair from what you said

Viviennemary · 18/03/2023 18:10

It isn't harmless flirting. She is unhappy in her marriage and looking for a man. Doesn't seem to be bothered he is married to somebody else. Disgraceful behaviour

GalileoHumpkins · 18/03/2023 18:10

barmycatmum · 17/03/2023 08:41

I think, like a prior poster, that he wants you to meet her to show her he’s committed.
his replies sound uncomfortable to me-
like he doesn’t know what else to say.

just meet her, and hug him the entire time. Have your hands on him, your arm around him, etc.

tell her “he is huggable, but I prefer to keep him to myself.”

and wink.

cheeky, rude woman.
im usually the one who sees the man to blame, but this seems like a clear case of unwanted pursuit.

Yes, meet her and pee on him to mark your territory.

rogueone · 18/03/2023 18:14

who gives a shit about motives, my now dh told me when he was starting to feel uncomfortable with a female friends behaviour... i had spotted it when we first met and he initially implied i was paranoid until he admitted she made a pass at him. This situation is not innocent

Boysnana · 18/03/2023 18:14

Text her off his phone. Saying your out of order sending these messages. Stop or I will take it further.

MsDogLady · 18/03/2023 18:18

FYI: The OP also posted her thread in Relationships. You can find her Update over there.