Text to husband

[PEEDOFFFACE]

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

Apologies I think I misinterpreted your angle!

I suppose I’m sick of seeing posts where a wife is upset about seeing messages on their dh’s phone, clearly indicating he’s disrespectful and flirting with other women - only for the op to be reprimanded for looking and told she should be ashamed of herself.

I realise that wasn’t your intention so sorry for jumping on you!
Im on strong painkillers for a back injury and not quite with it 😂

Op- you’ve done nothing wrong in my view. I’d feel massively insulted and disrespected and actually find it a complete turn off.

That's ... quite a convoluted process, just to show he's committed to his wife.

How about "your flirting makes me uncomfortable, I love my wife, let's keep things professional." ??

As to your fantasy about OP playing along & acting a role at this inadvisable meeting, WTF are you on? Why would she encourage a family meet-up with a flirtatious work colleague, & why would she want to play-act a perfomrance, when the easiest remedy is for her H to stop flirting with colleagues?

Make sure she brings her husband. Flirt shamelessly with him while taking any opportunity to stare daggers at her. Then state unprompted, out of earshot of the kids, that if anymore flirty messages were sent or comments made, you would be shutting that shit down immediately. Tread on your toes, I'll kick you in the vag, hug your own husband, not mine.
Then go very quiet and make long eye contact with her until she mumbles her excuses and fucks off.

Tread on my toes, that should be!

He needs to shut her down and tell her he loves you and that flirty 'banter' (inappropriateness) isn't on. But how you go around getting him to do this when he doesn't know you know is a conundrum. He's getting an ego boost from this and it could play out in a way that it becomes an emotional affair or it could continue as it is, both options will cause you pain I'm afraid.

Christ on a bike.

Male incompetence now extends to professional boundaries, so they have to enlist their wives to tell other women the man is committed? The poor ickle manboy cannot do this for himself?

It's very far from a clear case of unwanted pursuit.
If this man didn't want to be pursued, he'd stop inviting it.

Christ.

If it ever got to the stage where I had to piss on my partners leg in front of other women in order to mark my territory I'd say it's already gone too far.

Quite.

Nights away in a hotel for work parties? Alcohol flowing. You've never met his colleagues, even though he's worked there for years. How convenient.

Leaping wildly from the point, where ARE all these companies that regularly put on overnight work parties on hotels? Isn't there a bloody great recession on?

Sorry op but your husband encourages this behaviour from these women
I've worked in offices and sit in the background watching this kind of behaviour unfold all the time
Guy flirts, is charming and actively encourages women's attention. He gets the massive ego boost he's after
Woman completely reads this wrong and think he's coming on to her, she tries to turn it into something more by texting him, being suggestive, flirting
He shows you the messages and pretends he has no idea why these women send him this, it's such a mystery to him 🙄

Totally agree with this. He clearly enjoys it, if he didnt, he wouldnt have responded back to her comments about being hugable. Think of it this way- as someone else said, if hairy Mike from accounts was texting him the same thing, he'd be ignoring it or saying "wtf?- please stop texting me". This is ALL on your husband. I despise the earlier comments about clinging on to him to show this woman he's "yours"- thats utterly cringeworthy and pathetic. Men are perfectly capable of shutting down unwanted attention without their simpering wife marking their territory by effectively pissing over him like some proverbial tom cat. HE should be shutting this right down and if he isnt then this indicates everything about his true intentions in this scenario and it isnt good.

I'd be furious. At him!

'You do say I'm huggable' ?! That's flirting.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY- he didn't tell you!

When you say you trust him.....do you? Why did you look at his messages?

Yes,, that's a normal, rational & effective response & definitely won't make OP look insane.

Do you think OP's H workplace is Love Island?

To be fair the kicking in the vag comment displayed Audrey Hepburnesque levels of elegance & class.

Ah op I'm rather hot headed so if a work colleague was sending stuff like this to my husband .... if I had one ha ha I would be replying back ...... hi it's so and sos wife , he wouldn't want you to hug him but I'd love to
Hug you myself , right around your neck . 😂

If you were my wife I'd reconsider our marriage if you acted like an aggressive, possessive loon like that.

Haaaaaa that's probably why I'm not married then 😂

So - he doesn't know you've seen the huggable messages form her, but he's trying to instigate a big meet up with her.

It's odd.

If this was me, these would be my options:

1. Blow this out of the water and admit you've snooped. Tell him you're not impressed with yourself but you're less impressed with how he's handling this and you feel the whole relationship is in trouble because lightening seems to be striking in the same place too many times.

2. Continue to pretend you know nothing about the huggable text, sit on your hands and wait and watch.

3. Accept the meet up. Watch them together. See what you think. Then go back to choosing between 1) or 2).

This. If he's committed to you why does he have to prove it to anyone? The only one he should be proving it to is you and the fact he's not actively shutting thia woman does isn't exactly the way to do that.

Mmm from experience I would say that if this happened once it’s just a chancer, twice I would be questioning his behaviour around her😢I think he’s encouraging it. It’s not you being paranoid.

That's ... quite a convoluted process, just to show he's committed to his wife.
How about "your flirting makes me uncomfortable, I love my wife, let's keep things professional." ??

Exactly - which is why I said the motive for the suggested get together may be different to the one he's painted

No, you're not crazy OP and the fact your DH hasn't nipped this in the bud is a red flag, for sure. It's also a sign of disrespect to wards you, IMHO. I'd be hitting the roof - what is he doing that is encouraging this behaviour from not one, but two women at two different companies?

Love this comment 🤣

His response simply means, he’s okay with it, and would probably welcome any other idea she introduces. You have to talk to your husband about it. That’s the truth.

On a serious note op I would be concerned. I didn't know how snooped at his messages I thought he showed you .

Did he randomly mention meeting up with her and the kids ? I had a friend so this . She made friends with the affair partners wife . His idea so that when they did spend time together it wouldn't look suspicious because you are all friends ! Also more meet up will lead to dinner and drinks at each other's houses so more time for the two of them to see each other .

Iv had an ex cheat on me with a women from the office and it started out like this . Flirty stupid texts. If not stopped now it will lead further . He is disrespecting you big time.

From your responses you seem to be laying all the blame at the woman's feet, your husband is at fault here. He isn't shutting this down as he should be.

When my husband first started his new job he received an email from a colleague which had a tiny ounce of flirtiness, he showed me and shut it down straight away. Nothing has ever occurred in the last 3 years since as he doesn't engage in it or act single to his colleagues. Regardless of the snooping your husband is the problem so if you want it to change, you need to address it with him