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AIBU?

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Original poster

Text to husband

237 replies

PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 03:08

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

OP posts:
FourInABedSit · 17/03/2023 07:46

He needs to ignore any further messages and not engage.

WhenDovesFly · 17/03/2023 07:58

I too would be unhappy if my DH was allowing these comments without shutting them down.

No matter how friendly he is with colleagues, he should be firmly telling her not to send him personal comments as they can be regarded as flirty and they're unwelcome.

In today's workplace they can be considered to be sexual harassment.

knittingaddict · 17/03/2023 08:07

Is he particularly good looking and irresistible? Because that's quite a track record he's got there without even trying, apparently. He is the common denominator here.

knittingaddict · 17/03/2023 08:08

Shoxfordian · 17/03/2023 06:17

So this is the second time he’s encouraged or allowed this kind of flirting- he sounds shady. He’s enjoying the attention and not shutting it down

And he showed op the messages on a previous occasion. Sounds like a player to me. Sorry op.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/03/2023 08:08

Your husband needs to shut this down.

why do you know what the first colleague said when he went back to the office?

Why isn’t he just ignoring the second one’s texts - or at the least saying ‘haha I’ll ask my wife what she thinks’

He may not have any intentions of having an affair, but he is leading them on.

So you need to say this to him and tell him to stop

Timeforchangeithink · 17/03/2023 08:09

My DP would quite honestly have messaged back with Fk Off and blocked her. Anything else is unreasonable.

BadgerFacedCoo · 17/03/2023 08:11

How do you know she's unhappily married?

Did she share that with your DH?

Dozycuntlaters · 17/03/2023 08:13

I wouldn't be happy with that at all. He's not shutting her down and wanting you all to keep up sounds like a massive 🚩 to me.... hiding in plain sight and all that.

Mortimercat · 17/03/2023 08:15

Your husband is the common denominator here. It is weird that twice women at work have started sending him flirty texts, I don’t believe he hasn’t played a part in that. Also he seems to enjoy sharing them with you, keeping you on your toes.

maddening · 17/03/2023 08:15

He needs to go to hr re harassment imo

Nugg · 17/03/2023 08:18

He's loving the drama which is an egotistical narcissistic trait.

Why else would he report back that she said wasn't it weird meeting her with wife?

His responses are flirty and encouraging. An appropriate response would be to tell her that's inappropriate and to keep any contact in work hours through work channels as she's crossed a line and block.

It's not the first time!

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2023 08:19

Your husband clearly loves the attention he gets from other women, so much so he wants you to know about it. 🚩

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:20

I presume she told him they were having problems. I just mentioned her now and he said he didn't think they are anymore. Hes not massively handsome no.. however his work seem very I dunno clicky? Most are young with no kids and they do regular outings, get funny with people if they leave the company.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/03/2023 08:21

PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:20

I presume she told him they were having problems. I just mentioned her now and he said he didn't think they are anymore. Hes not massively handsome no.. however his work seem very I dunno clicky? Most are young with no kids and they do regular outings, get funny with people if they leave the company.

He's encouraging her by being willing to discuss her marital issues. There's a chance he's discussing yours too.

billy1966 · 17/03/2023 08:22

You're married to a twat who is obviously encouraging this.

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:23

He's quite charming I suppose 🤣. Yet he says unappropriate things ( not sex related but like he has no filter sometimes). They all work quite close together or so he says. He's been there years but I haven't met any of them

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 17/03/2023 08:24

You don't sound that bothered that you with a man who encourages other women and who may be a whisker away from an affair of some kind.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 17/03/2023 08:24

I think he wants you to meet her so she can see he's in a committed and happy relationship, and hopefully she'll back off!!
You could meet her and say, "Oh so you're the one who keeps messaging my husband, he shows me all your messages!" And smile at her and continue chatting like it's no big deal, while this will also let her know that he's not hiding her and is comfortable telling you about the strange woman he works with!
If you are worried, you could ask him to block her or change his number, but she could probably get hold of a new number as they work together!

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:24

See I'm a bit torn by this. I've got a close friend at work( she's a woman married to a man as an I, I mention that to show there's no romantic inclinations) but I do moan about any marriage problems to her and she does to me. I wouldn't say that's particularly a problem.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/03/2023 08:25

@IMarchToADifferentDrummer he doesn't show her all the messages

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 08:26

PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:24

See I'm a bit torn by this. I've got a close friend at work( she's a woman married to a man as an I, I mention that to show there's no romantic inclinations) but I do moan about any marriage problems to her and she does to me. I wouldn't say that's particularly a problem.

That's fair enough. People have different feelings about that.

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:27

I don't think he would have an affair. Who's got the time? It's more that who messages this sort of thing and I worry that it would lead to her making a "drunken" pass on a work night out. I want to bring it up but don't want to admit I've snoopped at his phone cos I'm ashamed I did it. I wouldn't worry so much if he told me what she had said, especially as he had told me about the other woman at his last job

OP posts:
Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 08:28

I would love to say that to her face 😐. I mean I'm not sure her husband would be impressed. Trouble is he didn't tell me about the messages I snooped ( I've never done it before)

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 17/03/2023 08:32

She'sining him up for the night out and hotel stay over.

She telling him she fancies him, is flirty and putting herself out there for his picking.

He isn't shutting her down, but laughing along with her, flirting back.

They discuss their marriage together all those little irritating things her husband does and no doubt you do.

A nice little ego boost, until it isn't and it's an affair

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 17/03/2023 08:33

Lining him up*