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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Text to husband

237 replies

PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 03:08

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

OP posts:
smoocakes6 · 17/03/2023 03:14

No yanbu . You don't text a married man ! She's directly flirting with him. He's not available. I would have a problem with this .

miraveille · 17/03/2023 03:21

What were his responses ?

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 03:24

They weren't really flirty back. Just something like " you do say I'm hugable" and he just laughed at the other. So I don't think he's leading her on. I'm just pissed off at her. He wants us all to meet up with her kids but I don't want to meet her. He has regular work nights out and they are all going( not just them) for a night in a hotel soon.

OP posts:
Strainzer · 17/03/2023 03:36

Your DH isn't exactly shutting it down. I think his reply indicates he is okay with what she said.

DrManhattan · 17/03/2023 03:58

Why does he want you to meet her? That's a bit strange if s

DrManhattan · 17/03/2023 03:59

Shes just some random work colleague.

marcopront · 17/03/2023 04:08

@PEEDOFFFACE

I think "you do say I'm hugable" is flirty

He is definitely not shutting her down.

Lollypop701 · 17/03/2023 04:22

he should have at least said be ‘my wife says I’m hugable too’
Is he usually too ‘nice’ op? Because this is the second time someone has overstepped so what messages is he giving out. Also maybe he thinks if you meet her she will stop?

snitzelvoncrumb · 17/03/2023 04:24

I would talk to him and let him know it makes you uncomfortable.

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 05:45

Is she texting his work phone or personal phone?

carriedout · 17/03/2023 05:48

He's flirting. He needs to stop messing about.

Whoknowswhatanymore · 17/03/2023 05:52

Agree with a pp, is this work or personal phone? If it’s personal, how did she get his number? Presumably he gave it to her. If it’s a works phone, it could be taken from him and checked at any time and this form of texting wouldn’t be acceptable, so dangerous grounds for both parties. As for meeting up with her and her kids, I find that very odd. Personally, I wouldn’t be happy in this situation. He needs to stop replying to the texts and shut it down pronto. I really feel for you.

Fleetheart · 17/03/2023 05:55

he is letting her do this; needs to say please stop.

Shoxfordian · 17/03/2023 06:17

So this is the second time he’s encouraged or allowed this kind of flirting- he sounds shady. He’s enjoying the attention and not shutting it down

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 17/03/2023 06:19

He wants you to meet her…?! 🚩

Original poster
PEEDOFFFACE · 17/03/2023 07:06

It's not a work phone. I'm not so worried about the meeting thing in that I have friends from work who I've met up with with our kids. But we don't send suggestive texts. I mean she clearly knows he's married and I would never text any of my married or unmarried friends or their spouses saying they are hugable .

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 17/03/2023 07:11

On the face of it, and on its own I wouldn't be too bothered, but as he has form for attracting 'unwanted' attention from coworkers and he wants you and your children to meet her and her children, then I would be very suspicious indeed. It all sounds a bit dodgy. Does he have mentionitis too?

GoodChat · 17/03/2023 07:16

I'd ask why he's giving these women his personal contact details. None of my colleagues have my personal number except my line manager, and that's because she had it from when I applied for the job.

WhineWhineWINE · 17/03/2023 07:20

He is allowing this to happen and continue. I'd be having a long talk with him about boundaries. I suspect he enjoys the attention at the very least.

Whataretheodds · 17/03/2023 07:21

Agree he need to shut it down. Ask him why he hasn't.

Crazyinlove123 · 17/03/2023 07:21

Yeah if my husband didn’t just shut this down I wouldn’t be happy. He might just be a nice fella but it sounds like he enjoys the attention to me.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 17/03/2023 07:22

Funny hows that's two jobs and two different women who are giving him apparently unsolicited attention....is he really that much of a looker? I'd say the fault lies with him here....

Sugargliderwombat · 17/03/2023 07:26

Yeah, I think his reply is flirty. Very odd this is the second time, he's not shut it down and wants you to meet her ! So weird.

DrManhattan · 17/03/2023 07:42

Obviously I don't know your husband but I do know that some people will get their partner to meet whoever it is they are having an affair with so that they can hide in plain sight.

saleorbouy · 17/03/2023 07:46

If the attention is unwanted from you DH then he needs to shut this down. The a lines being crossed here, especially if she knows he's married. It borders on sexual harassment, hugging work colleagues is not normal. I work in the same building as my wife and we do not have physical contract at work.