Text to husband

[PEEDOFFFACE]

I trust my husband however I'm really peeved that his work colleague friend sent him texts saying she keeps randomly wanting to hug him because he's so hugable.
She also texted to say he's looking gorgeous in his suit . She is married tho be it unhappily. I understand harmless flirting but feel this is a bit much. Is that normal behaviour?!? I've not met her and can't work out if I'm just being crazy and paranoid.

I think it doesn't help at his previous job there was a weirdo that kept emailing him after work saying she couldn't stop thinking about him( he showed me the email) and she only stopped when he reported it. And she bumped into me in the street when I was with him, was really nice and I thought I had misjudged her, but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

Am I a crazy needy person. Heelllppp

Yanbu x

Sorry OP but I really think you need to take the blinkers off. You are focusing on the wrong person(people)here. If someone from work sent me those messages I would shut them down immediately. Your husband hasn’t. Why not?

It's obvious op that your husband has rubbish boundaries, at the very least. Boundaries are good for a reason and his lack of them make an affair much more likely. But you seem fine with that, so crack on.

I worked in a call centre- long term staff and quite small. One guy was seemingly happily married with kids but had slept with around 11 people from the office. All seemed really young or vulnerable with relationship problems they’d open talk about. I always wonder if his wife ever found out 🤢

Id say your husband needs to set clear boundaries with these women if not he is encouraging it wether he agrees or not.

I trust my husband however

Do you? You snooped?

I think you you need to have a proper talk together or this is going to carry on and get worse. Her odd behaviour, him tolerating it and you trusting him less and less.

I think, like a prior poster, that he wants you to meet her to show her he’s committed.
his replies sound uncomfortable to me-
like he doesn’t know what else to say.

just meet her, and hug him the entire time. Have your hands on him, your arm around him, etc.

tell her “he is huggable, but I prefer to keep him to myself.”

and wink.

cheeky, rude woman.
im usually the one who sees the man to blame, but this seems like a clear case of unwanted pursuit.

Who has the time? Well everybody that has an affair has the time.

I still think you are being overly casual about your husbands behaviour, not just with the colleagues but with what he chooses to let you know as well, there was absolutely no need for him to feed back to you that one of the colleagues said that was awkward.

just meet her, and hug him the entire time. Have your hands on him, your arm around him, etc.

tell her “he is huggable, but I prefer to keep him to myself.”

and wink.

FFS. Do not do this. Utterly embarrassing.

Surely, people don’t really do things like this?

Why on earth should op put herself in that utterly performative cringe worthy position when her husband hasn't bothered to enforce any boundaries at all? How depressing that any woman is encouraged to put herself in that situation. I despair sometimes.

So inappropriate. I have a few colleagues' private numbers because they were needed for a work, but I would never text anyone to say they're huggable. It's crossing a line! Get him to block her.

Well I do not need or wish to be paraded before my husbands colleagues for him to show that he is committed to me. That really is a very bizarre conclusion and it doesn’t remotely sound like it is the case anyway. In fact based on his track record, more likely he wants OP to see how much his female colleagues like him and (perhaps) how attractive they are.

And as for me clinging on to my husbands arm and simpering like that, well that is just embarrassing.

I think, like a prior poster, that he wants you to meet her to show her he’s committed.
his replies sound uncomfortable to me- like he doesn’t know what else to say.

Really? He could say "that's a bit of a strange thing to say considering we're both happily married."

OP shouldn't have to show her presence to stop them from forcing her husband to flirt with them.

You’re not serious?!

Well she is definitely flirting with him and making it known she fancies him otherwise no way would you send such a text to a male colleague, so that is not up for doubt. It’s hard to say how you broach it though as you snooped (I thought he had shown you the texts). 🤷‍♀️

Sorry op but your husband encourages this behaviour from these women

I've worked in offices and sit in the background watching this kind of behaviour unfold all the time

Guy flirts, is charming and actively encourages women's attention. He gets the massive ego boost he's after

Woman completely reads this wrong and think he's coming on to her, she tries to turn it into something more by texting him, being suggestive, flirting

He shows you the messages and pretends he has no idea why these women send him this, it's such a mystery to him 🙄

This has got ‘I’m having an affair and if I show you messages/introduce you to ow you’ll never suspect’ and I’d bet this was the same last time. I literally don’t know any man (including some very charming/good looking ones) that have got embroiled in this sort of flirtatious nonsense unless they wanted to - it’s so easy to shut down it’s a non issue. He’s either enjoying the attention or diverting your attention from his antics but either way it’s not good.

All of this.

And this isn't the first woman to have some sort of obsession with him. Hmmmm. Why is that?

He is not shutting it down. He is encouraging it. If thats what their messages are like, what on earth are they like in person. I'd not be happy with that at all!

And OP, alot of men who have affairs or emotional affairs show their partner messages and always always say along the lines of, shes obessed with me, she won't leave me alone, its all her i'm not doing anything.

the fact its happened twice is very alarming.

And this: but then she went back to the office and said" wasn't it awkward meeting your wife"

That is an incredibly odd thing to say to someone you work with and meet their wife. Especially as you said the meeting was fine. So why did she feel awkward? Whenever I've met any of my collegues wifes, if it was mentioned it would along the lines of 'lovely to meet your wife earlier, she seems really nice', not 'god that was awkward'. What was his reply to that?

He needs to shut this down as he seems to have a serial problem with women at work coming on to him all the time.

This really isn’t ok. He needs to stop. Especially from what you’ve said about what happened at his previous place of work. He’s either incredibly gorgeous or he’s encouraging it to some level. I’d be absolutely furious and laying down an ultimatum.

She's got her eyes on him.
And he hasn't shut it down.
If I'd received that message about being hugable I wouldn't have replied. Not replying also sends a message and most people would then think oops, maybe I misread the signals or he's not interested or I stepped over a line or whatever and that would be the end of it.
I'd then have mentioned my wife/husband several times at work to make it really clear.
If the person had then sent another message I would have just said it's not appropriate, I'm married and I'm not interested.
But he's sent a wishy washy open-ended reply back.

This.

This. I’ve seen it happen and it’s always starts with texts that may or may not be flirty…depending on the reply. If the reply shuts them down it stops, if there is any indication of a reply being flirty back it’s game on.

He needs to shut this down.

That would really piss me off too if I saw those texts. I would expect DH to ignore them and not entertain them atall

Look, I'm an old Gal, and I've seen this a hundred times. Unfortunately, if you are young, it's harder to spot the shite that's happening here. Not meaning to to rude, because I was once that younger, naive woman. My 1st marriage ended because of this type of thing.

He's been leading her on, or worse. How does she know he's huggable? Because they've had a hug (or more). And he doesn't argue with her, does he? He agrees "Yes, you do say I'm huggable".

Funny how these type of texts are never from hairy Mike from Accounts.

Women generally aren't predatory to the extent that they target married men, without some kind of signal from the man.

Nights away in a hotel for work parties? Alcohol flowing. You've never met his colleagues, even though he's worked there for years. How convenient.

You need to keep snooping. Sorry, it's horrible.

I would be furious if my husband engaged with another woman clearly flirting with him like this. He should be telling her how inappropriate she’s being and that he isn’t interested.