AIBU To refuse to hold down toddler to force in medicine

[Calmondeck]

DH & I are at loggerheads - our DS is refusing to take required oral syrup medication (daily). DH believes the most respectful thing to do is explain to DS why it’s necessary he swallow the syrup, and then both hold him down while we force the liquid inside/him to swallow. I think this is too traumatising (the medication is required for the next 10 months at least) and we should try disguising it in foods (this has been mostly unsuccessful to date). DH says it’s deceitful to do this. DS is 22 months old.

So far, forcing him down has result in vomiting and/or him spitting it out.

AIBU to refuse to participate in holding our son down?

I don’t dispute that the OP has other options to try. My point is should those options be exhausted, then sometimes it’s necessary to do. Your ‘no excuse’ is nonsense. Sometimes you don’t have any other choice.

If you hold him down it will take two of you. One has hold the child’s face, pour the medicine in, and keep holding until he has to breathe so he will swallow. Then you have to hope the child doesn’t throw up from hysterical screaming. You can simply refuse to hold the child down. Then do it your own way.

Can't you read? The OP says disguising it is mostly unsuccessful.

Tell him that's exactly what they do in hospital.

How do you think they're able to start ivs and other procedures?

I think your DH is a bit batshit to be worrying that disguising it in food is deceitful, but at the same time, if it’s mostly unsuccessful, it’s unreasonable to do it that way. Equally, if holding him down is unsuccessful, that’s unreasonable too (and even if it’s successful, holding him down should be a last resort not number 2 on the list, especially if this is going to have to happen daily for 10 months).

We had success with a syringe when ours were that sort of age. And then tablets when they were a little older.

I had to hold one of my DC down once when they were about 7 for sedation for an MRI it did need to happen, but I found it really traumatic to do.

So is holding the child down, if both are unsuccessful why do you favour the one over the other?

The only ridiculous thing here is posters recommending the most traumatic option that has already been shown to not work with her child.

Yes this is my feeling. If holding the child down was working it'd be a different matter, but holding them down every day for 10 months is going to be horrific - and if the medicine comes back up what is the benefit?

I’m so sorry about your little one. It sounds very, very hard. I’m sorry too that some people are so unempathic.

This may sound obvious, but have you tried a spoon?

I hadn’t even considered a spoon and was having the same issues with the syringe and not wanting him to choke/breathe it in while we tried to hold him down.

So I tried a spoon and it worked. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t thought of it. I had simply assumed it wouldn’t work as they always give you a syringe. Now he takes oral medicine fine, and doing in front of the TV helps, or as part of “pudding” (if it’s a sweet medicine). I used a teaspoon as those silicone baby spoons aren’t very effective.

He gets lots of clapping and effusive praise after taking it, and a big cuddle. I have also had success with syringe by giving a kiss before each “pump” and turning it into a game. My husband finds it easier to give a syringe in the bath, as part of routine.

I hope that you find a solution. Good luck x

It sounds like you're doing amazingly with all his treatment. Bribery and/or hiding it in food/drink sounds like a good option. What 'flavour' is it?

Use your brain and common sense and hide it in food like most other parents do

Strawberry nesquik is a good one for hiding disgusting tastes...

My knowledge comes from dealing with a child with a strong gag reflex when he didn't want to take medicine. The syringe method worked like a charm and didn't provoke gagging.

OP, I really don't understand why your husband thinks it's disrespectful to hide medicine in food but not disrespectful to hold him down. There is simply no logic there.

At that age I think it's a bit dramatic to say both that it's deceitful to sneak it in his food and that it's traumatising to hold him down, tbh.

Ds has been on a lot of medication since he was a baby. As hard as it is often the bear hug and get it done approach is the best.

I would avoid hiding things in food as unless every mouthful is eaten you don’t know they are getting the full dose and if it changes the taste of the food you may end up with issues with food.

I used to wait till mine were asleep then give them a little nudge so they fidget but don't wake up properly then say drink this quick squirt the medicine in they were still pretty much asleep and had no clue what was happening would swallow the medicine roll over and be sleeping again like it never happened.

I’ve read all your updates. You are a wonderful mum, and in the context you are 100% amazing.

My toddler has been taking tablets in a spoon yoghurt (cut if necessary) since about 10 months. Follow with a mouthful of favourite drink to be sure, but it works. Persistence and explanation has worked. Given you are in it for the long haul, I think it might be worth trying.

Everyone’s encouragement helped - I put my foot down with the oncologists and said if they need him to take this, it has to be another form. Even though it’s not “policy” for such a young child, they’ve given a prescription for tablets and a crusher. Attempt 1 at lunch was a success - we made a smoothie, crushed the tablet and sprinkled it in. He crinkled up his nose slightly at the taste, but got it down. So strange that for the past 2 months of us saying the syringe of syrup isn’t working and their only solution was “keep trying”. Thanks everyone, I’m sure this won’t be the last battle but I hadn’t thought to push harder with the doctors.

Why do you think I favour one over the other?

I was picking the PP up on their hectoring tone, not making a judgement on how OP chooses to care for her child.

Well done OP that’s a great success.👏👏👏

I have crushed many tablets or pulled apart many capsules in my day for the exact same reason. I’ve cajoled pharmacists to reissue liquid medicines in a different flavour, sometimes getting to the fourth flavour before hitting on one that my child could tolerate.

Now you’ve done this once, you’ll be more empowered to push back and get offered other options that work with your child every step of the way. And this isn’t about being too nice or coddling your child, you can tell when they seriously cannot tolerate something and need an alternative.

Especially since your son has to already go through so much at a young age. It’s important that their needs be factored in as much as feasible.

We are fine with adults going in and having medications switched and other options requested if side effects are intolerable, the same should apply to children imho. They’re human and they need a bit of an age appropriate say in their medical care.

He couldn’t have had a strong gag reflex. The only way spoon vs syringe would have made any difference would be if you were jamming the spoon into his tonsils.

Try bribing him. Take the medicine and have this treat ie sweet. Tell him it gives him super powers too and celebrate it when he takes it.

Works for us.

If it's long term he will then get used to taking the medicine.

I'm with your husband. Also as others have suggested, use a syringe.

You can explain medicine to a 22 month old.
But also believe me you won’t be able to disguise it in food. Sit the toddler down, explain what needs to happen, and have them take small sips - regardless of how long it takes.
Holding down a 22 month old is also pretty futile, they gonna thrash, choke, vomit anyways

I've always been of the view that if they need the medicine, they're taking the medicine whether they want to or not. If that means holding down, or pinching their nose closed until they swallow, so be it.

That's great news OP. Well done for putting your foot down. 💐