Page 10 | AIBU To refuse to hold down toddler to force in medicine

Calmondeck · 2023-03-16T20:47:44+00:00

DH & I are at loggerheads - our DS is refusing to take required oral syrup medication (daily). DH believes the most respectful thing to do is explain to DS why it’s necessary he swallow the syrup, and then both hold him down while we force the liquid inside/him to swallow. I think this is too traumatising (the medication is required for the next 10 months at least) and we should try disguising it in foods (this has been mostly unsuccessful to date). DH says it’s deceitful to do this. DS is 22 months old. So far, forcing him down has result in vomiting and/or him spitting it out. AIBU to refuse to participate in holding our son down?

ElonsMusky · 18/03/2023 00:37

Onnabugeisha · 18/03/2023 00:24

Odd. When my severely asthmatic DC was in reception, it was during swine flu. It was then that it became clear when I took them in for vaccination that they had a needle phobia. Similar to you…screaming, crying, moaning, clinging to me, burying their face into me, begging me to take them home right now.

The NHS nurse and I both agreed we can’t restrain and force jab a child with a needle phobia. So went home and went back a few days later for another attempt where they gave them a sedative, then we read a book in the waiting area for 20mins for the “numbing pill” to take effect. Told them the medicine would mean they can’t feel the needle at all. Then went in and they laid my DC on a bed, advised them to just look at me and squeeze my hand as hard as they could. That’s how we got the swine flu jab done and all later vaccinations.

A needle phobia affects dentistry, blood tests…it’s not just vaccinations. Thankfully there are accommodations available as a needle phobia isn’t unheard of.

Show quote history

It's insane because when we had him get a Covid shot at CVS (US retail pharmacy) he was totally fine. He's been fine with other shots since then too. After over a half hour in the office this one time we decided to make it happen. I'm not going back to the doctor for multiple visits over a shot. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

Interestingly, or not, I'm allergic to bee and wasp stings. I almost died from a bee sting at 5 years old and had to go on immunotherapy shots. I was held down so they could do all the allergy testing. I probably got 80 shots that day to identify the allergens. Then every week had to get 3 shots. Used to scream my head off. My parents were having none of that shit. I needed the shots to not die. I suppose it was "traumatizing" at the time. I'm fine now. No lifetime of therapy needed. I think people grossly overestimate just how "traumatizing" minor pain can be for kids. Yeah it sucks and we hate to see our kids in pain, but frankly they also need to learn to accept reality a bit.

JFDIYOLO · 18/03/2023 01:06

Would getting a pack of syringes and all the family using them to have juice, yogurt etc - so your DC can see them being normalised as a way of eating and drinking - work? Mummy had hers, daddy's had his, now your turn?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/03/2023 01:16

Bluebellsand · 16/03/2023 20:59

I would choice option 3, make another appointment with doctor and tell them you are struggling with compliance. Sometimes for some medication, they can get them in a different form or one that tastes different.

This happened once with antibiotics for ds and I took him back to doctors who said try this type of antibiotics and if he refuses it, we will give it to him via a iv. He took with bribing + lots of encouragement. The second type tasted and smelt better.

I agree. Back to the Health Vis or GP for advice.
We had this issue with our youngest.. The medicine was absolutely vile, but what your OH describes sounds like it would make the whole thing so much worse.

In the end, we had a calm chat about it. DC gave me some of the medicine to taste and I was able to agree it was disgusting and pulled lots of faces, made a bit of a joke about it. We used an oral syringe to get it to the back of his mouth as quickly as poss. And then had water/juice ready to wash it down and some sweets to help take the taste away. As this went on for weeks, it soon became matter of fact. Best of luck tho as your DC is quite young. But staying calm and letting them see it would be over quickly does seem to be the best approach IMHO.

Juleslovesmaths · 18/03/2023 07:49

Give the medicine in a syringe with a small end and slide it into the side of his mouth slowly towards the back while one of you holds his head gently but firmly - speaking as a retired pharmacist- he needs the medicine and he is too young to express his opinion

BeBopaLula75 · 18/03/2023 09:37

Call your GP surgery and ask their advice, esp if this is causing disagreement between you and your dh. Had this with now 13ds and the GP and nurse showed me what I needed to do, which was hold him down and syringe into the back corner of his mouth. Cruel to be kind.
Also, completely agree with PP who said that hiding in food could cause issues with food when older. A chocolate, a teaspoon of ice cream, a yogurt, a jelly sweet or whatever works straight afterwards...maybe even let them choose which one they'd like each time, so they have some choice. It honestly doesn't take long to get them into the habit. Good luck.

Elly46 · 18/03/2023 10:31

Could you ask gp if the medicine is available in another form like a powder you could maybe disguise? Long shot I know but my 5yo won’t take any meds at all so I know what you’re going through x

CrazyLadie · 18/03/2023 11:58

WeepingSomnambulist · 16/03/2023 20:52

Use the squirty thing, point it to the back of his cheek, so to the back and side. It is really difficult to spot stuff out from there and he'll swallow it whether he wants to or not.

This definitely, this si the technique I used and never had any issues, I was lucky that I had friends with older kids so knew a lot of the tricks lol

LesleyA · 20/03/2023 06:53

Def not available in suppository?

Stewball01 · 20/03/2023 14:21

I was very lucky with my 2 middle aged children. Maybe the antibiotics were tastier here. They took them with no problems. Even the dog loved his antibiotics. Sorry I'm being flippant. Is he of an age when one can reason with him. Give him chocolate after even though you don't like to give it, like I did. You can clean his teeth after. 😬.
Good luck 👍.

Sartre · 20/03/2023 14:38

If he needs the medicine then you must do whatever works to ensure he has it. I’ve had to pin my DC down lots and hold their head in place to force it in. Isn’t pleasant, makes me feel terrible but the medicine made them better so whatever it takes.

QuinnofHearts · 20/03/2023 15:09

Yes. You're a parent. Give the medicine.

MumOfOneAwesomeHuman · 20/03/2023 19:07

Stunned by how heartless some people are being. I absolutely understand why you don’t want to forcibly restrain your child and force medication on him. It goes against every maternal instinct. We were told to do this and we tried once - same reaction as yours and we were all left traumatised.

IMO you are clearly an amazing mum to feel how traumatic this is for your child so you are right to look for alternative means. What about hiding it in a smoothie? Or ice cream? Or is there another way it can be administered?

Are the meds essential? Is there an alternative? I remember after our one bad experience our DD refused all medication. She literally never even had calpol or antibiotics from birth to 15. A lot of meds are unnecessary but it does sound like these might be important so maybe discuss with your dr if hiding it doesn’t work.

but no YANBU to not want to literally assault your child!

Lastnamedidntstick · 20/03/2023 19:39

MumOfOneAwesomeHuman · 20/03/2023 19:07

Stunned by how heartless some people are being. I absolutely understand why you don’t want to forcibly restrain your child and force medication on him. It goes against every maternal instinct. We were told to do this and we tried once - same reaction as yours and we were all left traumatised.

IMO you are clearly an amazing mum to feel how traumatic this is for your child so you are right to look for alternative means. What about hiding it in a smoothie? Or ice cream? Or is there another way it can be administered?

Are the meds essential? Is there an alternative? I remember after our one bad experience our DD refused all medication. She literally never even had calpol or antibiotics from birth to 15. A lot of meds are unnecessary but it does sound like these might be important so maybe discuss with your dr if hiding it doesn’t work.

but no YANBU to not want to literally assault your child!

Agree.

i don’t think some people realise how resistant a child can be. I tried “just holding her down” with mine once. Never again. Utterly traumatising. And not just in a “little bit upset” way.

she never had any medication until she learned to take tablets.

Somuchgoo · 20/03/2023 20:04

Lastnamedidntstick · 20/03/2023 19:39

Agree.

i don’t think some people realise how resistant a child can be. I tried “just holding her down” with mine once. Never again. Utterly traumatising. And not just in a “little bit upset” way.

she never had any medication until she learned to take tablets.

Show quote history

I'm sure this child's cancer will happily wait until the child can take tablets...

I agree that they're should be (and usually is) a better way than forcing them btw, but these are drugs for a life threatening situation. If they can go in with cooperation, they still need to go in.