AIBU To refuse to hold down toddler to force in medicine

[Calmondeck]

DH & I are at loggerheads - our DS is refusing to take required oral syrup medication (daily). DH believes the most respectful thing to do is explain to DS why it’s necessary he swallow the syrup, and then both hold him down while we force the liquid inside/him to swallow. I think this is too traumatising (the medication is required for the next 10 months at least) and we should try disguising it in foods (this has been mostly unsuccessful to date). DH says it’s deceitful to do this. DS is 22 months old.

So far, forcing him down has result in vomiting and/or him spitting it out.

AIBU to refuse to participate in holding our son down?

I'd go with holding down

No one’s saying it to be horrible to you, its just the reality.
Ask any nurse or dr who works with young daily and I guarantee they will suggest wrapping it them up, putting the medicine to the back of their cheeks, praising them and giving them a treat after. And there’s a reason they will all give the same advice, because it’s what works.
It’s awfully to do as a parent. I’ve also spent plenty of time with my DD in hospital holding her down for treatment. Is heart breaking but you know in your heart it’s best for them.
The more firm and consistent you can be with it the quicker he will adjust and after 2 weeks he will just take it no bother!
It will get better.

Yes you fucking are breaking them mentally. Eventually they realise resistance is futile against a human that is 10x bigger and stronger and they break and comply. They are too young to understand why they need the medicine, they only know they are being held down so mum or dad can do something nasty that they have not consented to with all their power. It’s traumatising.

Of course if you do it, you are going to rationalise it because that keeps you comfortable. Of course my comment is going to upset a parent who has rationalised restraining and force feeding as acceptable. I’d rather be considered rude than be the sort of parent who does that to any of my children. Fucking raise your bar.

And trust me, with autistic children that were primo fussy eaters with overwhelming sensory, texture and taste issues, so I’ve faced this problem many times when it comes to medicine. No excuse.

If he's going through all this treatment could you ask the hospital about play therapists to support him?

Also does he have an ng tube or would they consider fitting one for meds?

It's not going to be as black and white as your OP suggested in light of the new information.

@Calmondeck it’s sounds like you’re having a torrid time of it- you must be so worried and stressed. A further battle with meds is the last thing you need so please do speak to your team and ask if there are any alternatives or tips. Your little one has clearly been very poorly indeed and you don’t really need to hear from people who have forced down the odd dose of calpol. This is obviously quite a different situation.

Have you tried syringe when he is asleep?

Hold him down and give him the medicine.Its not poison.

What's the medication OP? Knowing might help posters give advice. I'd second advice to ask GP about alternatives.

That must be very stressful for you both so it explains the desperation to get the medicine down.

clearly you can’t mess around but have you tried taking the emotion out of it to get ds to take medicine. Seriously - a taste of chocolate is the least of your worries . If the chocolate buttons come out and the medicine goes down then it’s a win.

my ds went into hospital for surgery healthily weaned eating a variety of veg and came out on a diet of quavers and rusks thanks to vancomycin. He got back on track eventually.

@Calmondeck I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sending strength and love to you and your boy. You sound like an amazing mum.

So much love and unmumsnetty hugs for you. That sounds horrendous and I hope things improve for you all. 💐

I’m with you. Disguising with food is always the first step, only when you’ve tried different food and unsuccessful, only then you try holding down as a last resort. Your DH had very funny ideas about what to tell 22 months old child.

I’m really sorry that your DS and going through this. Hope he will be better soon and the illness won’t ever come back

Of course if you do it, you are going to rationalise it because that keeps you comfortable. Of course my comment is going to upset a parent who has rationalised restraining and force feeding as acceptable. I’d rather be considered rude than be the sort of parent who does that to any of my children. Fucking raise your bar.

Get off your high and mighty horse another poster has just told you her child would be dead without their medication... Im sure you'd change your tune about it being abusive and unacceptable if that was the alternative.

OP it sounds like you're understandably struggling right now. Definitely try the chocolate, I'm surprised you haven't already with everything he's been through poor kid but if that doesn't work definitely don't discount the holding him and squirting method as it does work.

get three syringes. fill two with water and one with medicine. Show him mummy giving daddy the syringe, then he can give mummy the second syringe, then ask him who will give him his? The big party and celebration when everyone has had their syringe.

if that doesn't work, hold him down

I totally agree with this,both as a parent who had to deal with my child requiring medication and not wanting to take it, but also as a child who was upset by the idea of eating babies when I realised that lambs were baby sheep.

My parents firstly lied and told me lamb was beef. It worked briefly, but I could taste a difference and then did not trust what they said and would not eat all red meat. They said I was silly and that all animals we eat are young, they told me the average age of a chicken killed for meat. This was not helpful, I just would not eat anything that had been alive.

I am doing things differently!

What's the medicine and what is it for?

Sorry to hear your little one is so unwell. I do think in those circumstances it's slightly different to looking down for a course of antibiotics or a Calpol dose.

Discuss with your Dr sometimes they can prescribe a different version or a stronger version so you only need to get in a smaller amount.

I would caution against hiding in food as you may end up with him not eating. If you go try this and pharmacist says it's safe for the medication then the route some other posters have described of then knowing it's their but unable to resist the test food is probably best.

Exactly right. There are always alternatives on offer. And OP is perfectly reasonable to have a line she will not cross.

Sorry you’re going through this.

If he’s vomiting and spitting it up then force feeding it isn’t working either like disguising it. I’d try different foods as some are better than others. Perhaps yogurt? That’s what we’ve done with medicine and been successful.

Sorry your child is sick 😞

I’m sorry for what you’re all going through OP it sounds so tough. I hope mixing the medicine with Nutella helps, if he hasn’t had chocolate before it will hopefully be a bit of a treat. I found the best way to melt the Nutella was to put it in a mug and then put the mug in a bowl of boiling water then stir the Nutella until it’s liquid. Take the mug out of the bowl of boiling water and then mix in the medicine. Then pour it into medicine spoons to going to your child. If you have to give the medicine for a long time you could gradually reduce the amount of Nutella until it’s less and less and then he might get used to the taste of the medicine so you don’t need the Nutella. I hope things get much better for you all soon xx

ps other brands of chocolate spread are available and much cheaper!

So? Mine would have died too without their medication. How dramatic…you have to hold them down or they will die! More rationalisation from those taking the easy path into brute force.

Sending solidarity to you, having been in similar shoes.

Compelling oral meds isn’t always possible, no matter how hard you try or how creative you are.

One that worked for a while for us was a tiny cup, with a short length of straw. It put the child in control and each sip was followed by a treat or swallow of a lovely drink.

Advice to force it by holding them can be counter productive when a child gets to the point of retching and vomiting.

Our kid has a full phobia of oral medication that may be with them for life, and as parents we really wish we’d been more pushy about getting suppositories prescribed much earlier.

You have to really push hard to get them in the UK, yet they’re entirely usual in mainland EU.

Some meds you can order online now as suppositories from reputable pharmacies. Paracetamol is blissfully easy now to get hold of.

I'm with @Bunnycat101 and @Onnabugeisha on this one.

Don't hold him down. IMO that's bad enough in normal circumstances but your poor boy is going through so much already!!

I'd go with some of the suggestion - syringe gif mummy (water) and one for your boy. Squirt in the back of cheek where it's harder to spit out. Reward with a chocolate coin.

There's quite a few good videos on tiktok of tricks parents have used to get their kids to take medicine it might be worth a look. I'm not a fan of pinning kids down I had this done repeatedly as a kid and I still remember it now. It really is traumatising. I would only ever do this as an absolute last resort

I understand, op, I wouldn’t like to force it either. If it can be disguised in food/drink, then I’d definitely do this instead