AIBU To refuse to hold down toddler to force in medicine

[Calmondeck]

DH & I are at loggerheads - our DS is refusing to take required oral syrup medication (daily). DH believes the most respectful thing to do is explain to DS why it’s necessary he swallow the syrup, and then both hold him down while we force the liquid inside/him to swallow. I think this is too traumatising (the medication is required for the next 10 months at least) and we should try disguising it in foods (this has been mostly unsuccessful to date). DH says it’s deceitful to do this. DS is 22 months old.

So far, forcing him down has result in vomiting and/or him spitting it out.

AIBU to refuse to participate in holding our son down?

From experience disguising it in food is the only way as it’s impossible to make someone swallow something they don’t want to. It’s not deceitful it’s ensuring your child gets their medication.

We recently had to give my six year old antibiotics which she was refusing to take. What worked for us was melting a small amount of Nutella and mixing the medicine it in with that then giving it to her in a few spoonfuls. She knew she was taking the medicine but enjoyed the taste. We also gave her a sweet to eat afterwards.

When mines were toddlers. I’d wrap them in a big towel. Syringe it into back of cheek, blow in their faces and job done. I used to bf right after to calm them down but have a distraction ready, sweets, peppy pig. Something they are not generally allowed.

Please Don't hold him down OP and force it OP he could aspirate on it.
I had problems with my DS taking antibiotics before (around the same age as yours)
We mixed it with strawberry syrup (the one you put on ice cream) and used the syringe.
We also had to distract him by putting his favourite songs on the tv. And you have to squirt it in the rear of inside cheek (like where wisdom teeth would be) in small amounts.
He kicked off for first couple days but then got used to it, to the point I didn't even have to mix it with the syrup anymore.

Also, he's too young to reason with and explain he needs to take it to make him better, he won't understand at all.

If all the above doesn't work then I would mix it in yoghurt and spoon feed

Actually, I slightly change my comment… have you tasted it? Some liquid meds are revolting, truly revolting and I would probably vomit and kick you if you tried to make me have it. I taste everything my kid has to have, so I can describe it to them, show them it’s ok etc. It’s also meant I veto certain meds in certain forms. There may be alternative versions of this medication.

The pair of you need to stop fannying about. I have a bit 22mo. Its not a two man job to make them take meds. You're making it take too long and causing too much stress.

I get the meds in the syringe, tell him its time to take it. If he refuses I sit him on my knee, hold his head with one hand and squirt it in with the other. Then I praise him and get a treat if it tastes gross. It should take seconds.

Syringe, bakc of the cheek and hefty rewards after. Pinch his nose so he swallows.

If he needs it for 10 months you need to get this sorted.

Syringe when he is asleep and he won't even be aware it's happening. What you need to be mindful of is that this needs to be regular otherwise the medication won't work. Being spat out because disguising in food isn't working will be too intermittent for the medication to work properly. Either you're going to have to do it DHs way, or syringe while he's asleep but if you already know he won't take it in food reliable then you're wasting medication.

The problem about disguising it in food is if the child doesn’t eat or drink all of the food they haven’t got a full dose and you don’t know how much they have had. Am a mum of 4 and a paeds nurse so have plenty experience with meds and kids who don’t want it.

how will they ever learn. Holding down and forcing seems brutal and nasty but wrapping your toddler in a sheet and giving via syringe into cheek - blow in face have a nice treat for after and make a big deal of him when he is done. It’s hard because you don’t want to upset them but you can’t reason with a 22 month old, you’re giving the meds for a reason? So if you don’t what will happen? Is that better or worse than being firm with your lo?

My youngest is asthmatic and no he did not like his inhalers montelukast etc and prednisalone when he first took them we were firm, consistent and worked as a team and after a few weeks of realising it was happening if he liked it or not he just took the meds. He now takes tablets and is fine.

Your DC isn’t too young to understand the medication is needed. Keep the explanation simple (help us keep you safe here so we don’t have to go to hospital, stop your tummy hurting, help with your cough). Your DC will be explaining it back to you in no time!

If he needs medicine he has to have it. If you can hide it in his s food fine but if not you have no choice. I've had to give medicines before and to be honest after a few times they accept it's got to be done....loads of cuddles and praise after.
I sit child between legs, my legs stop any kicking, one arm around child's body syringe to corner of mouth not down throat.
If it were life or death you would get it in the

@Shopper727 I only put the meds in a teaspoon of food which I give them directly. Then you know.

Please don’t put anything in your child’s mouth while asleep.

aspiration and chemical pneumonitis guaranteed.

What discussion you need to have is what is the consequence of him not taking this medication.

Once your both in agreement he needs to have it then you'll probably agree more on the route he takes it.

But if he won't allow it to be disguised in good then forcing may be your only option.

The other is to ask if it can be given as a capsule you can open and spoon in on yoghurt - but again that requires him to be willing to take it orally in the food.

YANBU,
I never forced mine by holding them down, especially the DC with autism. It’s fucking traumatising to do it every day until you break them mentally.

And a 22mo old isn’t going to be making himself vomit it back up. That’s too young to be able to do that.

I agree with the poster that said call the GP and explain that the medicine is making him vomit and that it’s really distressing to force feed him something that makes him sick. They always have alternatives they can offer.

It’s fucking traumatising to do it every day until you break them mentally.

You're not breaking them mentally for goodness sake, your showing them they have no choice because sometimes they don't have a bloody choice. Your comment is actually really fucking rude considering that several posters have said they had to use such methods on their own children whete no choice existed such as inhalers or injections.

Using one spoonful is fine if it’s got food in it but in my experience meds need a fair bit of food to disguise the taste of some meds pen v in particular is bloody foul - after taste like mould really horrid and prednisalone is disgusting too, really bitter my son decided taking them as tablets was much nicer but little ones can’t do that and so many have spat it out at me, no idea why they can’t make things taste more palatable for kids, well money as we had bubblegum amoxicillin in America when my kids were unwell and they took that no problem.

It’s fucking traumatising to do it every day until you break them mentally.

You're not breaking them mentally for goodness sake, your showing them they have no choice because sometimes they don't have a bloody choice. Your comment is actually really fucking rude considering that several posters have said they had to use such methods on their own children whete no choice existed such as inhalers or injections.

Unfortunately, in our case, the only alternative was being continuously admitted in order to have the medication via IV which was far more traumatic

@DaveyJonesLocker to be fair your child sounds pretty compliant if they’ll just sit on your knee and take them with you holding their head (very similar to my first). It’s quite a different situation if the child is kicking off, absolutely locks their jaws and prone to vomming if forced and you have to do it 4/5 times a day.

I am very matter of fact with both of mine but my second has been significantly harder to get medicine in despite me being much better at it and having no problems with my other one.

My DD ( awaiting ASD diagnosis ) has never willingly taken medicine and gets too distressed and I couldn't bring myself to force her so I syringe it into a slab of chocolate cake/ brownie. She knows it's there but can't resist consuming it 🤣 I'm with you op, forcing it would be an utter last resort.

I'd do same. I've done similar with my cat. Swaddled her ET style, tilted her back a bit then squint. I think it would be fair to say I've been quite forceful.
With a 2 year old I'd have a task to get on with straight away, so load the dishwasher, rearrange cushions, whatever....just make it seem no big deal.

First time he 'submits' I'd reward with praise and hugs. This isn't a short term thing so you can't have big celebrations and treats every night.

Of course if you can get away with disguising it all well and good but it's not really worked well has it.

I also think it's important you play your part. When my child was a baby/toddler he required physio that was uncomfortable. Me and OH did it together so no-one was the baddie. It worked. He got better.

Thank you all for the varied tips. We haven’t tried bribery - poor kid doesn’t know what chocolate is yet(!) but I think it’s time to get out the Nutella. We’ll try this tomorrow and see if we have any better luck.

For those telling me to become a parent and not a friend - I am his sole entertainer and comforter in a hospital isolation room for 4 days every 2 weeks. I am holding him every 4 weeks as he undergoes a general anaesthesia and chemotherapy. I am hugging him every 2 days while a home nurse draws blood. I am forcing him to do another treatment for 2 hours every day. This daily medication is for an extremely rare side effect of his other cancer treatments - I’m trying to find the best way to do this, not “fanny about”.

YANBU,
I never forced mine by holding them down, especially the DC with autism. It’s fucking traumatising to do it every day until you break them mentally

You don’t break them mentally for god sake, they learn that it’s not actually that bad and they learn not to be afraid of it. Similarly with teeth brushing, nappy changing, getting dressed etc.
You need to acknowledge that if you never had to force your child to have medication then they’ve never really need truly ill and you should couldn’t yourself lucky.
Yes it’s always difficult to upset your child but sometimes parents are better placed to know what’s best for them.
If I never forced my toddler to take medication she would be dead.
Better a minute or two or stress for a week or two than a dead child because giving them the medicine seems like too much hassle.

I'm not against hiding it in food if he would eat it, that's the best way imo, but if not I think is fine to hold him. I still remember us holding dd down to put some eyedrops in, like Rachel on Friends. Dd thought it was funny when we saw the episode and I told her.

@Calmondeck What's the medicine and how much / how often does he have to have it?

If he's getting it from a hospital pharmacy you could ask them if they have a medicines information department who can advise on any other options. For example, it may be possible to get it in a different flavour, in a more concentrated form so there's less volume of medicine to give or as a chewable tablet/ powder.

Depending on the medicine and it's flavour; try mixing it with a very small quantity of squash (blackcurrant is good if he likes that as it's quite a strong taste) and put it in a sippy cup so he can't see/ smell anything different about it.