Dd not getting ready to go out

[Itsmehiimtheproblemitsmee]

Dd, 4 and a half drives me insane with the amount of time she takes to get ready. It’s stressful in the morning with having to get ready, her get ready, then to school then me straight to work. It’s rarely straightforward and easy, no matter what I try.
Today is a day off school, it’s sunny & bright and I said we could go to the cafe at the beach and have a coffee and ice cream. I was looking forward to it as I’m off work and had the day planned, that we’d go this morning and come back in the afternoon to do painting etc.
Dd was excited about it.
It’s 10.40 am and I’m sat fully dressed and ready and she’s in her pyjamas still.
I asked her to get ready before, I’d put her clothes out when I was getting ready, I came down and she was still playing and wasn’t dressed. I told her it was time to get dressed, she continued playing, it ended up with me getting cross and frustrated and her speaking rudely to me and me putting her for time out on the stairs.
When it was time to come down she asked if we were going for an ice cream and I said no, that she’s missed her chance and explained (lots) why. She’s now sat here and keeps asking why we can’t go for one and said sorry.
I used to be sure of myself as a mum, but not recently. I feel stressed all the time and like the nice day off has been ruined.
Did I do the right thing? What would you have done, where would you go from here? Just stay in?
Don’t know what I’m doing wrong, she’s such hard work and never was when younger.

This

You make it fun. It’s tiresome, but you do “Shall we do super speedy getting dressed or sloooooooow motion?” You sound the Ice Cream Alarm: nee-nar nee-nar, time for ice cream! and start helping her get dressed while chatting about what flavour you’ll both get. You don’t start off with “please get dressed” if you know that will inspire a wobbler.

One tactics I use which quite often ( but not always works) is to make it fun. So if she is competitive something like " I bet you can't get your trousers on before I [insert a task you need to do but make sure you are still in her proximity so you encourage...mummy has nearly finished are you going to make it etc"

Or if she likes being silly ...you better get dressed or mummy will turn into a toggle monster

Basically trying to take the stress away and make getting ready fun (I know it's often easier said then donne)

*tiggle

Op, turn today into a lovely one. Forget about backtracking or following through. I prefer not to give a consequence unless the child understands what will happen in advance.

Just tell your daughter that you can both start again, help her get dressed and go to the beach. I've 3 kids and tried to micromanage my eldest's behaviour and not give an inch etc. With my second child, I laughed things off more and just had a sunnier disposition with her, and her behaviour is the best! She is 5 and notoriously slow at doing everything. I just stand over her speeding her up and finish her off when necessary. Its all fine :-)

Although Ds2 was more than capable of dressing himself, on a school day he would wake up and I just dressed him into his underwear and socks, school polo shirt and trousers, then downstairs for breakfast. Back upstairs immediately after, teeth brushed, jumper on, hair brushed then and only then were they allowed to play as Ds2 used to get very involved in playing, very intense. So this was the easier solution. Just because a child can do something doesn't mean they have to do it themselves if it is causing issues.

It doesn't last forever, he is now 17 and showers and dresses himself independently it probably lasted until he was 6. Most days he dressed himself but I was there in the room to keep him on task. They have a million thoughts going on in their heads, it is hard to keep focus.

Absolutely this @bussteward
I also have a lot of success with pretending to be a pyjama monster. "I ONLY eat pyjamas. I want some pyjamas to eat" and then she takes them off to feed them me.

As a teacher who asks a class of 6/7 year olds to get themselves dressed after swimming, it's not easy. The same child might be quick one week and slow the next, they have no concept of how long they are taking. My 2 main suggestions are:

1. Use a visual timer like a sand timer so she can visually see how much time she has
2. Offer her a choice, either she can get herself ready or you can help her. It is happening now and needs to be done before the timer is up.

If a child is really not getting ready, then after a while we will say OK since you're not doing it yourself I (or the TA) will need to help you. At this point either they will do it themselves because they don't want our help, or we will help, either way it gets done.

I have no idea how you manage this miracle 😂!

We were sharing the pool with two school groups when I took my baby swimming last week and I really felt for the teachers. At least babies don't move, violently poke or hit each other or talk back!

Well, the ones in our session don't move at least.

You did the right thing, stand firm.

Next time she ignores instructions to get ready for a treat, you can say "I'm setting the kitchen timer for 5 minutes and if you're not dressed and ready when it goes off, we're not going out. Remember last time? "

It's really important children entering school, to have been taught at home to co-operate with and obey reasonable requests. It will help her settle happily in to school and get the most out of it, educationally and socially.

I agree that a visual stimulus like an egg timer might be a good idea, but to be honest, why are you having a debate with a 4 year old in the first place?! You are the parent.

I always used to say that I'm asking you out of politeness, but its not actually a request.

With DS almost 4 I’d have got down to his level and ensured he was listening and said we are going out in 10 minutes, and explained what we were doing. do you want phone timer or Alexa countdown. He chooses. Then timer ends, then I would dress him tbh for quickness sake.

But I have to tell him from the second he wakes up what we are doing that day and repeat it regularly so he knows when and what order. Generally works.

At 4 I would have told her to tidy the toys away, take her upstairs and help her put her clothes on
Kids don't often understand a sense of urgency imo

You're treating her like a 14 year old. She's 4! You stand over her, take toys in hands away, turn devices off, help her put her clothes on, grab hand and out the door. Sitting whispering "Please Jocasta" then getting personally upset when she doesn't understand, then her being disappointed because you've said ice cream, isn't good for either of you. Be a parent and instruct her!

Hmmmm

I would have either tried - "when you are dressed we can go out for the ice cream"

Or (especially if school) taken her in her pjs with the clothes in a bag.

It sounds like she wants to be in control without the maturity for cause and affect - too late for ice cream as time is still a weird concept at her age.

Honestly thought your DD would be a teenager or something.
A 4 year old and you're sat waiting for her to get dressed?

I claim my slovenly title with pride, what's my prize?

I feel sorry for you DD. I still have to hurry and help my 7 year old DD! Kids are kids this is their time to daydream and be silly. You should have got up and helped her get dressed then had a wonderful day together.

Did you tell her at that point that if she didn't get ready immediately that the trip out was cancelled?

Thank you for some good suggestions, tbh I do all of them aside from the pyjama monster, which is a nice one I’ll try.

@Skyeheather She was the one who has been asking for an ice cream all week

Well, you couldn't have done all all of the suggestions because otherwise you would have made it out of the door ;)

Why are some people so bitchy on here?
Where’s the solidarity as mums?

I have tried every one of the suggestions in the past, many times they have worked. Recently she’s getting more and more headstrong and things I try aren’t working, why is that so unbelievable?
Everyone must have perfect children or I’m really suddenly shit at being a mum!

Anyway, we had a nice day out in the end and I’ll approach it differently next time. Perhaps it was me, my patience is low today, we’ve been ill and not sleeping as much..I don’t know, every little thing feels like a refusal at the moment