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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get these free tickets?

268 replies

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:08

I was given a family voucher for an activity for Christmas. DH couldn't make it due to work commitments and DD did want to do it so DS and I went with my SIL and nephew.

The company films the activity on a go pro. None of us wanted the video but we went to the reception to watch the videos afterwards just for fun. DNs camera hadn't recorded the activity so the company have said he can come back another time with an accompanying adult to do it again.

Now baring in mind the original tickets were my chritmas gift, I didn't ask my SIL for any money for them and DN didn't actually want the video AIBU to think SIL should give the replacement tickets to me?

They're not designated to any particular name, they've just been sent to SIL email account. I know DH would like to do the activity and DS would love to do it again.

OP posts:
Skaty · 16/03/2023 14:06

@Purplepluhs292
I would message SIL and say “just wondering if you were planning to use those tickets given DH is now back in the country and I know he would love to go.”

MarchingBand · 16/03/2023 14:24

fairgame84 · 16/03/2023 09:23

The tickets are basically to compensate DN for his go pro not working. They are his.

100% this. It doesn't matter where the original tickets originated from. Not really a difficult one....

Moreorlessmentallystable · 16/03/2023 14:29

From my POV it is as if the tickets have been refunded, so the replacement tickets should go to the original owner which is you...if your SIL wouldn't automatically provide your email address to the company when they said they will be emailing replacement tickets then she is a CF (but maybe this was obvious if she was happy to take 200 quid worth of original tickets, let you drive 4 hours and not even offer to pay for fuel)...on top of that she is happy to take the new tickets too!!! Perhaps you should not invite her to do activities together again...

Tinkerbyebye · 16/03/2023 14:34

Grow up and stop being so greedy

your dh couldn’t make it due to work, tough. You asked sil and dh they said yes, kind of you

DN pro pro didn’t work, the assumption is yours did, so tough on DN regardless of if you were going to but the video or not. But DNs equipment was faulty, not yours, hence getting the free tickets

stop being so grabby and bitter and move on

next time dont offer the tickets

Crutcher · 16/03/2023 16:29

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:32

I don't think I'm being grabby at all.

The tickets are expensive (£100 each). I didn't ask for any contribution to them doing the activity. I drove a 4 hour round trip to get us all there, no fuel contribution either.

It seems to me the polite thing to do for SIL to ask if DH wants the free tickets. It's 100% what I'd do if the roles were reversed.

No you're not, and what a weird alternative planet I must have chanced upon. The tickets were yours to enjoy. Nice of you to offer free for your sis and her kid, but any benefits of something not working should go to you.

Baconking · 16/03/2023 16:52

CatSpeakForDummies · 16/03/2023 10:02

You have as much right to these tickets as the person who originally gifted them to you. You invited SIL and DN, you aren't entitled to the compensation.

You could suggest that DH take DN, that's as far as you should go.

This 100%

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 16:56

OP didn't you have the conversation about the tickets on the way home? I would have. A 2 hour journey is the perfect chance to chat about something that's just happened

Nocutenamesleft · 16/03/2023 16:57

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:32

I don't think I'm being grabby at all.

The tickets are expensive (£100 each). I didn't ask for any contribution to them doing the activity. I drove a 4 hour round trip to get us all there, no fuel contribution either.

It seems to me the polite thing to do for SIL to ask if DH wants the free tickets. It's 100% what I'd do if the roles were reversed.

Your first mistake was thinking people would do what you would do

it is never true.

thereshewasshewasjustthesame · 16/03/2023 17:37

Bottom line is....

You got gifted 4 tickets to go.
Originally your 2 kids and husband were going.
Husband has to work.
Daughter chickens out.
That leaves you in a dilemma.
You could have moved the date so your husband could go but you didn't.
You chose to ask SIL and your nephew instead to make up the numbers.
You didn't ask for petrol money as you'd be driving there anyway regardless of whether she came or DH came, there was no extra expenditure.
YOU decided to go watch the footage.
It came to light that your nephew's was not recorded due to the fact his gro pro did not work. So he did not get to see himself.
The company copped this and saw a child disappointed so very nicely offered him a ticket to come back and do it again where his gro pro would work.
YOU got gifted the tickes and YOU gifted 2 to your SIL and nephew because you were in a pickle and your own family could not make it. You did not offer these from the outset but only because circumstances changed.
The company have now gifted your nephew with 2 tickets because part of his experience did not work.
How in all that is holy do you think that you should get the tickets?
Act like an adult and suck it up, them's the breaks.
If your husband wanted to go that bad you could have changed dates but you decided not to.
Begrudgery is an awful thing and it don't look good on you.

Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 17:52

thereshewasshewasjustthesame · 16/03/2023 17:37

Bottom line is....

You got gifted 4 tickets to go.
Originally your 2 kids and husband were going.
Husband has to work.
Daughter chickens out.
That leaves you in a dilemma.
You could have moved the date so your husband could go but you didn't.
You chose to ask SIL and your nephew instead to make up the numbers.
You didn't ask for petrol money as you'd be driving there anyway regardless of whether she came or DH came, there was no extra expenditure.
YOU decided to go watch the footage.
It came to light that your nephew's was not recorded due to the fact his gro pro did not work. So he did not get to see himself.
The company copped this and saw a child disappointed so very nicely offered him a ticket to come back and do it again where his gro pro would work.
YOU got gifted the tickes and YOU gifted 2 to your SIL and nephew because you were in a pickle and your own family could not make it. You did not offer these from the outset but only because circumstances changed.
The company have now gifted your nephew with 2 tickets because part of his experience did not work.
How in all that is holy do you think that you should get the tickets?
Act like an adult and suck it up, them's the breaks.
If your husband wanted to go that bad you could have changed dates but you decided not to.
Begrudgery is an awful thing and it don't look good on you.

It would just have been a kind gesture for SIL or nephew to gift them back. That's all.

OP posts:
neslop · 16/03/2023 17:56

Who gifted the tickets originally? Could you ask them what they would like to happen with the freebies?

Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 18:00

neslop · 16/03/2023 17:56

Who gifted the tickets originally? Could you ask them what they would like to happen with the freebies?

They were from my mum, I don't want to get her involved, it's not that big of a deal.

OP posts:
Undertheoldlindentree · 16/03/2023 18:15

Sorry if this has already been suggested, but don't have time to RTFT. Could you buy just one more ticket for your DH and he take your DS and DN with him - both boys using the free tickets? Or at least discuss it with SIL as an option. You may find she offers the free tickets back anyway.

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 19:21

IWineAndDontDine · 16/03/2023 13:01

OK let's say your hypothetical scenario works better. I think it would be very odd for OP to get the free meals.

Show quote history

Say the restaurant offered a refund rather than 2 free meals. You would think the sil would be reasonable to whack out her bank card and say "yes please issue the refund to me as he's my son" even though the OP paid for the meals?

If someone posted that scenario on aibu you'd all be falling over yourself to call the sil a cf!

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 19:32

I treated my friend to an expensive meal out for her birthday. When we ordered dessert she asked for it to be served without x ingredient but it came with it. However it was on the side so she just ate the rest of the dessert and enjoyed it. When she raised it with the waiter they offered to comp her whole meal and drinks (so half of everything I'd paid) to say sorry. She said yes please and gave him her credit card to issue the refund...AIBU to think she's a cheeky fucker and seeing as I paid I should have got the refund? As it was she got a free meal and £200 cash, plus I drove there and back!

Go on, everyone who thinks OP is being unreasonable - defend that! Same scenario - person "affected" gets the refund despite not paying and the inconvenience being negligible.

Stompythedinosaur · 16/03/2023 19:38

You got given four tickets, you gifted 2 to sil and dn.

You both attended on gifted tickets.

I also don't believe for a second you would make your dc forgo a special and rare treat to give it away to a family member. It's clear how much you'd like your dc to have a second go. Presumably sil feels the same!

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 19:41

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 19:32

I treated my friend to an expensive meal out for her birthday. When we ordered dessert she asked for it to be served without x ingredient but it came with it. However it was on the side so she just ate the rest of the dessert and enjoyed it. When she raised it with the waiter they offered to comp her whole meal and drinks (so half of everything I'd paid) to say sorry. She said yes please and gave him her credit card to issue the refund...AIBU to think she's a cheeky fucker and seeing as I paid I should have got the refund? As it was she got a free meal and £200 cash, plus I drove there and back!

Go on, everyone who thinks OP is being unreasonable - defend that! Same scenario - person "affected" gets the refund despite not paying and the inconvenience being negligible.

That's not the same scenario at all, is it, because OP's SIL isn't financially benefitting from this.

If anything, she's losing out as she'll have to pay to travel to something that she hadn't planned for.

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 19:52

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 19:41

That's not the same scenario at all, is it, because OP's SIL isn't financially benefitting from this.

If anything, she's losing out as she'll have to pay to travel to something that she hadn't planned for.

Show quote history

There’s an easy way for her not to lose out …

Grumpsy · 16/03/2023 19:53

The tickets are your DNs regardless of why you invited them. YABVU to demand they are handed over. It does not matter that they didn’t intend to buy the video, you could ask if your SIL intends to use them, if she says yes then say no more and stop being so entitled and grabby.

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 19:55

@Blossomtoes well she probably doesn't mind losing out if it means her son gets the full experience

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 19:59

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 19:55

@Blossomtoes well she probably doesn't mind losing out if it means her son gets the full experience

He’s had it once. He was so unbothered by the bit of it he didn’t have he wasn’t going to bother to look at the footage until OP suggested it. I bet she wishes she’d kept her mouth shut now. I imagine this will be the last invitation she ever gets.

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 19:59

Sil ever gets.

Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 20:02

Stompythedinosaur · 16/03/2023 19:38

You got given four tickets, you gifted 2 to sil and dn.

You both attended on gifted tickets.

I also don't believe for a second you would make your dc forgo a special and rare treat to give it away to a family member. It's clear how much you'd like your dc to have a second go. Presumably sil feels the same!

I don't particularly want my DS to have a second go. I'd like DH to and DD if she's feeling brave enough. So many false assumptions made of me on here. If I've said something uts because I mean it, I'm not making it up so no, you're wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 20:05

GoodChat · 16/03/2023 19:55

@Blossomtoes well she probably doesn't mind losing out if it means her son gets the full experience

Honestly, having a go pro strapped to your head adds nothing to the experience. Neither does viewing a 10 second clip of a close up of your own face. DN missed out on nothing, he only gained a fun day out, as did SIL.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 16/03/2023 20:06

@Purplepluhs292 but you've lost out of nothing either.