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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get these free tickets?

268 replies

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:08

I was given a family voucher for an activity for Christmas. DH couldn't make it due to work commitments and DD did want to do it so DS and I went with my SIL and nephew.

The company films the activity on a go pro. None of us wanted the video but we went to the reception to watch the videos afterwards just for fun. DNs camera hadn't recorded the activity so the company have said he can come back another time with an accompanying adult to do it again.

Now baring in mind the original tickets were my chritmas gift, I didn't ask my SIL for any money for them and DN didn't actually want the video AIBU to think SIL should give the replacement tickets to me?

They're not designated to any particular name, they've just been sent to SIL email account. I know DH would like to do the activity and DS would love to do it again.

OP posts:
Minikievs · 16/03/2023 10:47

I'm sure I live in a parallel universe to other MNetters.

I would be annoyed too OP. You did a kind thing in taking SIL and DN (although also they did you a bit of a favour stepping in to fill the spots) and actually, no one in reality gave a shit that DN video didn't work, and it didn't detract from his enjoyment of the day at all.
SIL should've given you the tickets, although I can kind of see why didn't and is keeping quiet.

I'm not sure I'd raise it with her, but I would quietly simmer about it and be resentful.

I have no idea why you're being accused of being grabby!! Literally NONE!

Climbles · 16/03/2023 10:48

YABU, it probably didn’t even occur to SIL to give you the tickets. Ask her if you want but it would probably seem grabby as the tickets were given to her DS.

user1492757084 · 16/03/2023 10:49

Your nephew was offered the tickets so even if SIL has benefitted from your gift I think the only polite thing to say would be, "If Nephew needs someone to accompany him I'm sure his Uncle XXX would love to go with him."
Other than that, be happy for nephew.

Allthecoolusernamesaregone · 16/03/2023 10:49

I don’t think you are unreasonable for it to cross your mind that SIL should offer you the tickets. I also know that if I was in her position I would insist that you have them.
Having said that if she doesn’t offer it doesn’t really sit well with me to ask.
I don’t know if it would work for you but a good compromise would be for DH and DN to go. I realise that you would like your child to go again, but SIL probably feels the same.

luckystarg · 16/03/2023 10:51

I get why you feel hard done by OP.

Your tickets, offered to use them on SIL and DN as a treat because of timings. You feel that they should be more thankful and as a result offer you those tickets. It sounds fair.

However, your present was those 4 tickets and nothing else. It’s the butterfly effect, if DH had gone with you then the camera may have worked and there’d be no situation the other way round.

If your DH agrees you should have the tickets (assuming it’s his sister) you can ask. But I don’t think you can say anything if they refuse. I’d just be more mindful about gifting them so much in future.

qwertykeyboards · 16/03/2023 10:53

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:36

I'm really struggling to see where I'm being greedy.

SIL has now had £400 worth of tickets for free but I'm greedy?

The initial trip was a gift for you, if the company offered another set of tickets for the purpose of your nephew returning then you really don’t have a say. Why wouldn’t you want your SIL to go and enjoy the trip with her son anyway considering you’ve already been? Very selfish of you.

Scirocco · 16/03/2023 10:54

I think it would have been nice if SIL had offered to contribute to the cost of the day out you all had. The tickets given to DN, though, were given to DN as compensation for what many people would have considered to have been a disappointment. That's separate, in my opinion, from the matter of the costs of your day out, and not the same as having won them or somehow earned them at a cost to you. His potential disappointment = his compensation.

Be happy for your DN that he's had a nice day and gets to go again! Who knows, maybe your SIL will invite you next time?

Bookworm20 · 16/03/2023 10:56

It'd be like having a voucher for 4 dinners that OP take SIL and DN to. For some reason there was an issue with DN's dinner and he couldn't enjoy it fully. The restaurant give him a voucher for a new meal. The OP should not be entitled to that free meal voucher bec there was nothing wrong with her dinner.

What a stupid comparison. The experience wasn't affected at all. The video of it to view afterwards was. That was a bonus add on for the company to make more money. It did not detract from the experience.

If you want to use dinner out as an example, it would be more like OP paid for 4 meals. At the start of the meal the restaurant took a photo of everyones dinner, so it could be purchased afterwards. Dn's photo didn't come out properly, so he couldn't buy it.

In what way did that affect the meal he was given and ATE? Absolutely under those circumsatnces the person who paid should use the free dinner voucher! Not the child whose meal was completly fine, he ate and enjoyed, but just didn't get a photo (that he didn't want anyway) of it.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 16/03/2023 10:58

do you know if they are actually going to use the tickets? I can see that there is the risk that they won’t given that they have done the experience now and it is still a fair drive away. I think it ok to ask if they are going to use them and say that if not your husband would like to go so could you have them.

CluelessInThe21st · 16/03/2023 11:03

Everything happened the way you planned it. You are not our of locked and you and Ds did the activity as planned. Your DN got lucky. very lucky. That's got nothing to do with you. If there was a raffle at the event and he'd got the winning ticket (that maybe you bought) would you then also demand that he gives it to you?

I'm assuming your dn was super excited to get the ticket. My kids would have loved that not just for the ticket but also for the fact that they got lucky and they would have been super excited to go again probably even if originally they hadn't been so keen on the activity. I think it would be super nasty and entitled to ask for those tickets back.

CluelessInThe21st · 16/03/2023 11:08

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 10:43

Exactly.

I was even the one who said, let's go and watch the video clip. It hadn't crossed anyone else's mind.

Show quote history

So if you hadn't said that, DN would have not been offered another ticket and you wouldn't have to feel resentful or envious. Would you have been happier with that?

Singinghollybob · 16/03/2023 11:09

I replied earlier saying I think your SIL should offer you the tickets, but now I'm wondering if it's similar to buying somebody a lottery ticket and that ticket wins a prize...would you expect that prize to be yours? Probably not?

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 16/03/2023 11:10

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:32

I don't think I'm being grabby at all.

The tickets are expensive (£100 each). I didn't ask for any contribution to them doing the activity. I drove a 4 hour round trip to get us all there, no fuel contribution either.

It seems to me the polite thing to do for SIL to ask if DH wants the free tickets. It's 100% what I'd do if the roles were reversed.

You are being very very grabby. Yes it was nice if you to invite them when your DH and DD didn’t want to go but the new tickets were given to your DN so you can’t them claim them as yours to give your DH, and the cost of the tickets is irrelevant.

Singinghollybob · 16/03/2023 11:11

But I still think she should offer!

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 16/03/2023 11:13

Is SIL your DH's sister?

Just get him to call her and ask. Siblings can have those conversations.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 16/03/2023 11:15

Kittylickingplate · 16/03/2023 10:45

Mumsnet is weird sometimes. Of course SIL should offer you the tickets, she got a free day out!

Crikey!

Not really, the tickets were specifically for the DN to come back and record the event not for her DH. If her DH wanted to come so badly they could have rebooked.

TwoHedgehogs · 16/03/2023 11:15

She should give you the ticket as she only got to go originally because your husband couldn't go. Your husband has completely missed out, she'd get to go twice when it wasn't even her gift.

Turnipworkharder · 16/03/2023 11:17

Your sil is out of order. The tickets should have been given to your family.

Also, the fact she didn't offer any money towards petrol,says it all really.

IWineAndDontDine · 16/03/2023 11:18

Its just good luck on their part that you have to envy. It's like if you were paying for a meal for your family and your DN got a free dessert as they messed up his main. You wouldn't take the dessert off him, you would just be a little jealous it wasn't you.

NaomhPadraigin · 16/03/2023 11:22

I actually agree with you @Purplepluhs292. I seem to be in the minority, and I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time here.

You were very kind to bring SiL and DN with you, but really it could have been any one of you that ended up with the dodgy Go-Pro. In my opinion your SiL should offer the tickets to your DH (& in consequence your DS) as it was effectively his ticket she used.

Deadringer · 16/03/2023 11:26

I think your sil should offer you the tickets, I would in this situation. She doesn't have to though.

vivainsomnia · 16/03/2023 11:38

It's one of those things OP. You invited your SIL because it suited you. I imagined you didn't want to go alone and so it benefited to you too. You could have gone alone twice if you'd wish but you didn't.

It could have been you child whose video didn't work but as it was, it was your DN. It's the law of randomness. You need to accept it.

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 11:42

IWineAndDontDine · 16/03/2023 11:18

Its just good luck on their part that you have to envy. It's like if you were paying for a meal for your family and your DN got a free dessert as they messed up his main. You wouldn't take the dessert off him, you would just be a little jealous it wasn't you.

It's not the same because the "main" i.e. the actual activity wasn't messed up though. Its not as though the weather got worse or his harness broke or whatever so he had to stop. DN still conpleted the activity so wasn't actually inconvenienced in any way.

Offering a free dessert at the time also isn't the same equivalent because it's something that would have had to be consumed there and then - OPs husband couldn't have turned up 2 days later and eaten it!

If theyd offered DN a second go on the activity (or at least part of it) there and then so they could film it that would been more similar - and OP would probably then have been unreasonable to insist she and her son had the free go instead - although from what OP has said they would have probably rejected this anyway because none of them were bothered about the go pro element!

The equivalent in your version would be if everyone's meal was fine, they decided they didn't want dessert and DN couldn't have eaten it anyway because he was allergic. So they offered him 2 free meals for another visit in the future. In which case I still think OP should get the hypothetical free meals!

TempNCforthis · 16/03/2023 11:42

DevantMaJardin · 16/03/2023 09:10

YABU and massively grabby. The company gave those tickets so DN and an accompanying adult could come back. SIL bought the tickets in the first place. I think you'll be embarrassing yourself if you ask for the second set of free tickets.

Have your comprehension skills always being so poor?

princesssparklepants · 16/03/2023 11:47

Why not just ask SIL if she and DN are likely to use the free tickets?
An explain that DH was disappointed to miss out so if they won't use them he will.

Any reasonable person would hand them over if they weren't bothered to use them.