Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get these free tickets?

268 replies

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:08

I was given a family voucher for an activity for Christmas. DH couldn't make it due to work commitments and DD did want to do it so DS and I went with my SIL and nephew.

The company films the activity on a go pro. None of us wanted the video but we went to the reception to watch the videos afterwards just for fun. DNs camera hadn't recorded the activity so the company have said he can come back another time with an accompanying adult to do it again.

Now baring in mind the original tickets were my chritmas gift, I didn't ask my SIL for any money for them and DN didn't actually want the video AIBU to think SIL should give the replacement tickets to me?

They're not designated to any particular name, they've just been sent to SIL email account. I know DH would like to do the activity and DS would love to do it again.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 11:48

Just seen @Bookworm20 s analogy which is probably better than mine!

Tbh i think it's cheeky as fuck that SIL didn't offer anything for the tickets or petrol let alone the additional free tickets! I can't imagine someone treating me and dc to £200 quids worth of tickets and not offering to at least buy lunch and pay for petrol as a thank you!

SimpleMelody · 16/03/2023 11:49

I actually agree that she should have offered you the tickets! If it was me who received this free gift after the first free gift I'd definitely offer it to the person who gave me the initial free gift.

But if I was you, and my SIL offered me the tickets I'd say no don't worry you take them.

It probably hasn't even entered their head to offer it because it was a malfunction with their equipment so they were offered a replacement session, not you.

WigglyWigglyWiggly · 16/03/2023 11:56

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 09:30

they are for OPs DN

Who only got to go in the first place through OP’s generosity. Keeping them is da piss take.

So, because OP gave him something entirely through her choice, she’s entitled to demand the same back from him (a child) at her own will? 😂

WigglyWigglyWiggly · 16/03/2023 11:57

You gave your tickets to SIL and DN. If you wanted the tickets for DH and DS to go then you shouldn’t have given them to SIL and DN.

BestBeforeDatex · 16/03/2023 12:14

the tickets were offered due to the go pro not working on your DN camera. if it was your camera that wasnt working, you wouldve been offered the tickets.

BestBeforeDatex · 16/03/2023 12:18

i've just ready some of the thread and this is also a good point (copy and paste because i dont know how to quote!)

"SIL and DN were only able to go to this experience because OP offered it to them. They now have 2 additional tickets. So they get to go twice."

so yes in a way it would be nice also for SIL to pass the tickets back to your DH, but i can see if from both sides of view

KarmaStar · 16/03/2023 12:18

Would you want to take tickets from your dn?it would upset him!
I would not ask for or expect them if I were you.
Why could you not have gone on a day when dh was available?
You invited your sol and dn so you extended and invitation.
During the day an error occurred and dn was given compensation for that.
You are not entitled to anything.
The sil should have paid her share of fuel and food drinks costs .
Put this out of your mind,it's only going to keep bothering you.be happy for your nephew and let it go now.🌈

adomizo · 16/03/2023 12:20

Minikievs · 16/03/2023 10:47

I'm sure I live in a parallel universe to other MNetters.

I would be annoyed too OP. You did a kind thing in taking SIL and DN (although also they did you a bit of a favour stepping in to fill the spots) and actually, no one in reality gave a shit that DN video didn't work, and it didn't detract from his enjoyment of the day at all.
SIL should've given you the tickets, although I can kind of see why didn't and is keeping quiet.

I'm not sure I'd raise it with her, but I would quietly simmer about it and be resentful.

I have no idea why you're being accused of being grabby!! Literally NONE!

This ! I can't understand why you wouldn't be offered thsse tickets.

Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 12:24

BestBeforeDatex · 16/03/2023 12:14

the tickets were offered due to the go pro not working on your DN camera. if it was your camera that wasnt working, you wouldve been offered the tickets.

Yes and if that had happened I would have given them straight to DH same as if DSs go pro had failed I would have given the tickets to DH and offered DD the chance to go again (now that she's seen we survived and enjoyed it she would probably be up for doing it).

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 12:26

Also to just add some extra info. I'm not trying to snatch this ticket from a little boy. DN is 16, very nearly 17.

OP posts:
ClawedButler · 16/03/2023 12:33

People always seem to be extremely generous with what they would give and would do in a specific situation, innit.

Abraxan · 16/03/2023 12:40

No I wouldn't actually. I'd have also offered to pay in the 1st place and gone halves on petrol money.

Depends on how you asked, as to whether I'd offered.
But generally people wouldn't expect to pay if they are being invited to go somewhere, using a 'free' voucher. Many would offer to pay towards petrol, unless you both give lifts time to time and neither pays as it evens out. If you'd wanted them to contribute you should have told them this upfront, not offer to take them out for the day/activity.

I can see why you feel aggrieved about the tickets but it's just unfortunate that it was BN's camera that didn't work, not yours. The voucher is to compensate your DN - it's irrelevant as to who paid initially or if they wanted the video or not. The person potential put out by the camera failure was your DN, so the vouchers are for them. If it had been your camera that failed, you'd have got the new vouchers.

Once you handed over the tickets to someone else it became their's I'm afraid, and everything else that goes with it.

Original poster
Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 12:40

ClawedButler · 16/03/2023 12:33

People always seem to be extremely generous with what they would give and would do in a specific situation, innit.

But its true. Why would I want to go again when I know DH would like to go and it wouldn't be fair to let DS go twice if DD wanted to try it. I'm not making that up!

OP posts:
Abraxan · 16/03/2023 12:43

In your SIL's shoes I'd have offered to perhaps split the new voucher with you - maybe see if DN and your DS fancied another go together.
If the DN knew the voucher were his it's seem a bit unfair to take them away totally, but I'd encourage them to share.

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 12:49

I wonder if the activity place had administrated the free tickets in a slightly different way - e.g. said "we will email them to the lead booker" or "we will give a £200 refund to the lead booker" which would be very normal, posters would be telling OP to send £200 to her sil? So the SIL would have a free activity AND be £200 better off?

LadyHaHaHeeHaw · 16/03/2023 12:49

What is this experience that everyone wants to go to? Is it swimming with sharks or something ?

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 12:51

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 12:49

I wonder if the activity place had administrated the free tickets in a slightly different way - e.g. said "we will email them to the lead booker" or "we will give a £200 refund to the lead booker" which would be very normal, posters would be telling OP to send £200 to her sil? So the SIL would have a free activity AND be £200 better off?

That’s a very good point. If @Purplepluhs292 had been sent the complimentary tickets, I can’t see many people saying she should give them to her nephew.

whatkatydid2013 · 16/03/2023 13:00

If it was my brother then I’d have offered them to him and I suspect he’d have said no I should keep them and in the end we’d have all gone again together and each used one. Also if I got offered the tickets for free I would have offered to drive and have paid any incidental costs/got us all lunch. This is not just what I would theoretically do but what I actually have done when I ended up with my brothers ticket to a concert he couldn’t go to as poorly. I drove and I bought SILs food/drinks and got a souvenir to take back for my brother and I sorted them out a night away with hotel loyalty points. I initially tried to pay for the ticket but he wouldn’t even tell me what it cost. All that said it wouldn’t bother me if my brother got free tickets in that scenario and just kept them. I like him and my nephew and my SIL a lot and I wouldn’t resent them getting something nice so I don’t think it would really occur to me to be irritated. There again they’d have done same as me and bought us lunch/driven etc in that scenario and it’s all give and take isn’t it

IWineAndDontDine · 16/03/2023 13:01

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 11:42

It's not the same because the "main" i.e. the actual activity wasn't messed up though. Its not as though the weather got worse or his harness broke or whatever so he had to stop. DN still conpleted the activity so wasn't actually inconvenienced in any way.

Offering a free dessert at the time also isn't the same equivalent because it's something that would have had to be consumed there and then - OPs husband couldn't have turned up 2 days later and eaten it!

If theyd offered DN a second go on the activity (or at least part of it) there and then so they could film it that would been more similar - and OP would probably then have been unreasonable to insist she and her son had the free go instead - although from what OP has said they would have probably rejected this anyway because none of them were bothered about the go pro element!

The equivalent in your version would be if everyone's meal was fine, they decided they didn't want dessert and DN couldn't have eaten it anyway because he was allergic. So they offered him 2 free meals for another visit in the future. In which case I still think OP should get the hypothetical free meals!

Show quote history

OK let's say your hypothetical scenario works better. I think it would be very odd for OP to get the free meals.

BitchBrigade · 16/03/2023 13:15

Purplepluhs292 · 16/03/2023 09:36

I'm really struggling to see where I'm being greedy.

SIL has now had £400 worth of tickets for free but I'm greedy?

OP: AIBU?

Mumsnet: Yes

OP: WAHH NO I'M NOT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE

Why did you bother asking then 😆

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 13:23

WigglyWigglyWiggly · 16/03/2023 11:56

So, because OP gave him something entirely through her choice, she’s entitled to demand the same back from him (a child) at her own will? 😂

Show quote history

He’s 17, not a child. She’s already given him one free ticket, why should he get two? Total piss take and MN is usually so quick to spot cheeky fuckers - the equipment must be broken today

Dancingdoggo · 16/03/2023 13:26

But he didn’t ‘give up his place for you guys’ - he couldn’t attend and OP’s DD didn’t want to go so the tickets would have been wasted. He didn’t step back to allow SIL to go- she was in some ways doing them a favour so they didn’t go to waste although granted it was a nice day out for her and her DS too.

The extra tickets weren’t expected, OP had willingly let SIL and DN use the original tickets so these are just an added bonus.

WigglyWigglyWiggly · 16/03/2023 13:27

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 13:23

He’s 17, not a child. She’s already given him one free ticket, why should he get two? Total piss take and MN is usually so quick to spot cheeky fuckers - the equipment must be broken today

Show quote history

17 is a child though, isn’t it? If we use the meaning of the word instead of some weird new invented meaning of the word.

OP got a free ticket. She chose to give it to him. He then got a free ticket - he’s not obliged to give it to her! Mumsnet is very quick to spot CFs, it’s the OP!

At present, both OP and DN got a free ticket. Why should she get another one just because she gave hers away?

Blossomtoes · 16/03/2023 13:38

Why should she get another one just because she gave hers away?

You’re continually missing the point. It’s not because she gave it away, it’s because there wouldn’t be a free ticket at all if she hadn’t taken her nephew and suggested viewing the footage - he wasn’t even interested in it.

And 17 might be a child by legal definition but it’s definitely not in terms of being given special treatment because he might be upset. He’s old enough to understand that it’s unfair for him to benefit twice from his aunt’s Christmas present when her husband and daughter haven’t benefited once.

PincesssPeachh · 16/03/2023 14:01

It’s absolutely the nephews tickets.

“the company have said he can come back another time with an accompanying adult to do it again”

just because the tickets don’t have his name on them, doesn’t mean to they don’t belong to him. It also doesn’t matter that he didn’t want the camera footage, it was still his compensation for something not working.

Nothing wrong with asking if your husband can take nephew though.