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Original poster

To want my husband to skip Mother's Day Lunch with his Mom?

278 replies

Kylakins87 · 15/03/2023 21:15

It's a bone of contention in our house each week that my husband spends every single Saturday afternoon in his best friend's house playing video games.
For me, weekends should be for family time. Not exclusively, of course, but for the most part. I think it's great to meet friends, but doing so religiously on a Saturday does scupper and cut short a lot of the weekend plans I have for us.
Thats why I do expect that on Mother's Day we spend the day doing things that are important to me ie. Spending time together as a family, going for a family walk, meal out, whatever it is i dont really mind as long as we are together as a family.
My husband has thoughtfully asked me how I would like to spend Mother's Day on Sunday. I appreciated him asking and I had yet to decide. But I knew it would consist of maybe going for brunch or lunch and spending the day together.
But now, there is a spanner in the works. His Mother (who I love) wants to celebrate her Mother's Day by having lunch in a restaurant with her adult children. Actual children are not welcome. Therefore if my husband is to attend, I will have to stay home with our kids.
I want my husband to see his Mother on Mother's Day, but I thought maybe he would call to her with her present and spend an hour with her over a cuppa, or even that we as a family would all pop over during the day at a time that suited us all, not that he would leave me to go out for lunch for a few hours in the middle of the day. When we discussed this, my husband said that the day wasn't all about me, and that it's his mother's Mother's Day too.
I suppose I feel a bit under prioritised and again am annoyed that the day will be interrupted with another engagement.
The Mothers Day lunch suits all of his other siblings because they are all either single without kids, or else separated, so would not be spending their day with partners anyway.
He is saying that he can go for breakfast with me, and spend the whole late afternoon with me and the evening time too, just not this chunk in the middle where he goes for lunch.
It's just not sitting right with me.
I wouldnt go for lunch with my Father on Father's Day and leave him at home with our children on his own. I would either bring him and the kids along to the lunch, or I would have the Father's Day lunch on a day that wasnt actually Fathers Day instead.
I am going for Mother's Day lunch with my Mom, but on the day before Mother's Day.
What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
SeasonsHeatings · 15/03/2023 21:19

Your main problem is the gaming with his mates every Saturday. Sort that out. If that was sorted I feel like this whole Mother's Day thing wouldn't even be an issue.

Regarding Mother's Day. I'd agree with him. He can go for lunch with his mother and you can have a special day just you and your kids.

UdoU · 15/03/2023 21:19

The issue is he is checking out of family life every Saturday, not the one day out of 365 he celebrates Mother’s Day.

When do you get an afternoon off without the kids every week?

Iam4eels · 15/03/2023 21:21

You feel under prioritised and my impression is that this is a regular thing not just a Mother's Day thing. It's very telling that when you tried to explain it to him, he wasn't interested in your feelings.

Starlitestarbright · 15/03/2023 21:21

He should see his mother on mother's day. The gaming is the issue.

Pinkpinkpuff · 15/03/2023 21:22

On Mother’s Day I’m looking forward to seeing my children and probably going to visit my mum and my mil.

If we weren’t going to visit our mums then I’d just looking forward to spending time with my children.

I don’t get why you need your DH to spend time with you on Mother’s Day? And on Father’s Day you should absolutely spend it with your father if you want to.

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

Knitterofcrap · 15/03/2023 21:24

I agree with everyone else. The Saturday gaming is a pisstake.

I don’t understand why you say you can’t leave the house on Mothers Day just because DH will be with his mum. I would plan a lovely day with my DC.

Workinghardeveryday · 15/03/2023 21:25

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

Yes. This

Slimjimtobe · 15/03/2023 21:25

I agree - his mum is being selfish but your dh is having his cake every Saturday

my Dh used to wake and go to his mums all day Saturdays and I nearly left him when our first child was about 6 months old as I couldn’t understand that he didn’t see us as a family

so I just think these things are bad habits

Juiceboxxy · 15/03/2023 21:28

It's his mum...it's mother's day. You are not his mum. Spend the day with YOUR kids

Deal with the gaming separately, ask to compromise on twice a month. Friend time is important too

MadMadMadamMim · 15/03/2023 21:31

I think Mothers day should be for mothers who are actually parenting day in, day out, to be honest. Like you, by the sound of it. A day off from the constant grind.

Mothers of grown up children, who have passed this stage of their lives and aren't parenting full time any longer come second at this point. They can arrange lunch when they like. I say this as a 60 year old mother of 5. I'm not devastated if my adult children make other plans for Sunday.

Sleepless1096 · 15/03/2023 21:33

I agree that the Saturday gaming is the issue not the Mothers Day lunch. Personally, I'd tell him he can do what he wants on Sunday and take Saturday 'off' as a present to myself... just walk out and let him hold the fort. And I'd do that regularly going forward... he can't go gaming if you're not there to mind the kids.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 15/03/2023 21:36

It's a commercial made up nonsense day. If your a mum, with a mum and a mother in law something has to give. For years when my son was small, we would do my mum or the Saturday, mother in law on the Sunday, and Ide do something for me the following weekend, pressure off, everyone happy. Now my sons grown up, we do something on a day he's not working as he does shifts, time with him is time with him which is always lovely.
His Saturdays gaming is the bigger issue here. And his mums selfish.

WolfieWolfie · 15/03/2023 21:39

Don’t know about the Mother’s Day thing but why the hell are you putting up with him disappearing to his friends house every Saturday to play video games?? Is he 12 years old?

Dont be such a mug

firealarmmum · 15/03/2023 21:40

MadMadMadamMim · 15/03/2023 21:31

I think Mothers day should be for mothers who are actually parenting day in, day out, to be honest. Like you, by the sound of it. A day off from the constant grind.

Mothers of grown up children, who have passed this stage of their lives and aren't parenting full time any longer come second at this point. They can arrange lunch when they like. I say this as a 60 year old mother of 5. I'm not devastated if my adult children make other plans for Sunday.

^^^^^^^^ THIS!!! I'm staggered people think it's normal / ok for the MIL to want her adult children to leave their families behind for the day to attend her lunch!!!

Deathbyfluffy · 15/03/2023 21:40

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

Why should his mum think about her? Maybe she doesn’t want a meal with kids present, and that’s fine.
His mum has been quite clear the meal is for her adult children, not their partners or kids.

ladykale · 15/03/2023 21:45

SeasonsHeatings · 15/03/2023 21:19

Your main problem is the gaming with his mates every Saturday. Sort that out. If that was sorted I feel like this whole Mother's Day thing wouldn't even be an issue.

Regarding Mother's Day. I'd agree with him. He can go for lunch with his mother and you can have a special day just you and your kids.

Yes issue is the ridiculous Saturday gaming as if he's 15!

Shoxfordian · 15/03/2023 21:45

His gaming every Saturday is the problem, not one Sunday lunch with his Mum

WolfieWolfie · 15/03/2023 21:48

Ridiculous what some people put up with

This bloke is laughing at you OP

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 21:50

Start going out every sat morning

Stay out all day.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/03/2023 21:58

You’re not his mother! He is right to prioritise his own mother on Mother’s Day, your children should be spending the day with you but it’s reasonable for him to want to go and see his mother.

That said, the Saturday gaming does sound like a problem. It’s not fair for him to check out of family life every week and expect you to have the kids and not to give you the same opportunity of time to yourself.

Velvian · 15/03/2023 22:00

If your DH usually does fuck all with the kids and you're doing the heavy lifting it is not 'special' or lovely to spend mothers' day on your own with the DC again.

I think mums at the coal face of parenting should take priority on mothers' day. Those with older DC (I include myself) have a lot more freedom, generally.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 15/03/2023 22:00

Bloody hell MIL really are the devils spawn on MN aren't they. Every thread we have had on this has said a DH should see his mother whilst the DW and kids should see hers. But when this is what the MIL suggests she is a selfish dick. Bloody glad I have nicer DIL than you lot.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 15/03/2023 22:01

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

Yes, he is a selfish twat and you can see where he gets it from.

WeepingSomnambulist · 15/03/2023 22:02

Is this really the problem you want to address? Because you have a bigger one.

How did this saturdsy gaming become a thing? What a shit marriage. You've said he spends little time with you or the kids; just doing his own fun thing and not bothering with family life. Every weekend. And the thing you want him to cancel is lunch with his mum?

Yeah... sounds like a great husband and great dad.