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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want my husband to skip Mother's Day Lunch with his Mom?

278 replies

Kylakins87 · 15/03/2023 21:15

It's a bone of contention in our house each week that my husband spends every single Saturday afternoon in his best friend's house playing video games.
For me, weekends should be for family time. Not exclusively, of course, but for the most part. I think it's great to meet friends, but doing so religiously on a Saturday does scupper and cut short a lot of the weekend plans I have for us.
Thats why I do expect that on Mother's Day we spend the day doing things that are important to me ie. Spending time together as a family, going for a family walk, meal out, whatever it is i dont really mind as long as we are together as a family.
My husband has thoughtfully asked me how I would like to spend Mother's Day on Sunday. I appreciated him asking and I had yet to decide. But I knew it would consist of maybe going for brunch or lunch and spending the day together.
But now, there is a spanner in the works. His Mother (who I love) wants to celebrate her Mother's Day by having lunch in a restaurant with her adult children. Actual children are not welcome. Therefore if my husband is to attend, I will have to stay home with our kids.
I want my husband to see his Mother on Mother's Day, but I thought maybe he would call to her with her present and spend an hour with her over a cuppa, or even that we as a family would all pop over during the day at a time that suited us all, not that he would leave me to go out for lunch for a few hours in the middle of the day. When we discussed this, my husband said that the day wasn't all about me, and that it's his mother's Mother's Day too.
I suppose I feel a bit under prioritised and again am annoyed that the day will be interrupted with another engagement.
The Mothers Day lunch suits all of his other siblings because they are all either single without kids, or else separated, so would not be spending their day with partners anyway.
He is saying that he can go for breakfast with me, and spend the whole late afternoon with me and the evening time too, just not this chunk in the middle where he goes for lunch.
It's just not sitting right with me.
I wouldnt go for lunch with my Father on Father's Day and leave him at home with our children on his own. I would either bring him and the kids along to the lunch, or I would have the Father's Day lunch on a day that wasnt actually Fathers Day instead.
I am going for Mother's Day lunch with my Mom, but on the day before Mother's Day.
What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 15/03/2023 22:23

I get on very well with my mil, but I will not be seeing her on mother's day

UdoU · 15/03/2023 22:23

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

A selfish dick for wanting to see her child on mother’s day?

TheStuffalo · 15/03/2023 22:24

I think you should have lunch with your father on Father's Day (no kids) and leave the kids with their dad as his treat 😁

the gaming every Saturday is ridiculous. How old is he? 12??

Bikeybikeface · 15/03/2023 22:24

I think I would insist that we do something on the Saturday then, seeing as he has booked the Sunday with his mother.

labamba007 · 15/03/2023 22:25

Why are children not welcome has this been explicitly said by your MIL?

RosaBonheur · 15/03/2023 22:27

UdoU · 15/03/2023 22:23

A selfish dick for wanting to see her child on mother’s day?

A selfish dick for not appreciating the fact that the OP might want to spend Mother's Day doing something other than yet more childcare whilst the son she raised is off on yet another childfree jolly, yes.

escapingthecity · 15/03/2023 22:27

How old are your kids? And how long does he leave you all for on Saturdays? Does he do his fair share during the week?

It's quite weird that his mum doesn't want to see her grandchildren as well as her adult children. Bloody rude actually. I would expect him to say that he'd already asked you what you'd like to do and so he has a prior engagement.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/03/2023 22:27

He’s a dick for spending every Saturday afternoon gaming with his friends!! I mean, ffs, is he actually 12?! Nope, couldn’t put up with that.

I think it would be fair for him to have lunch with his own mum on Mother’s Day if he didn’t abandon you every fucking Saturday.

toomuchlaundry · 15/03/2023 22:29

How old are your DC?

Grumpybutfunny · 15/03/2023 22:29

I would book the same restaurant for me and the kids then he can put up with them running over to him

toomuchlaundry · 15/03/2023 22:30

When do you ever get a break?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/03/2023 22:31

PandyMoanyMum · 15/03/2023 21:22

His Mum is being a selfish dick. She hasn’t thought about you at all. He’s also a selfish dick every weekend and I’d be raging. Time to prioritise yourself because these dicks won’t.

Why is his mother selfish to want to see her own children? The OP is not the only mother here. She doesn't need her dh with her all day.
However husband is selfish to spend every Saturday gaming with friends

Freddiefox · 15/03/2023 22:32

RosaBonheur · 15/03/2023 22:27

A selfish dick for not appreciating the fact that the OP might want to spend Mother's Day doing something other than yet more childcare whilst the son she raised is off on yet another childfree jolly, yes.

the son she raised is off on yet another childfree jolly, yes.

always blaming mil. Honestly this is a grown up, the op is also a grown up. If op is happy to be treated as an employee by her dh why is the mil to blame? Equally if the dh treats his wife with such distain why is the mil held accountable.

GrumpyPanda · 15/03/2023 22:33

Book an all-day spa day for the Sunday just for yourself and dump the childcare on your useless H. He and mummy can figure out how to handle things - you've deserved a day off.

CJsGoldfish · 15/03/2023 22:34

It's perfectly reasonable for him to have lunch with his mother on Mothers Day 🙄
It my own father wanted lunch out with his adult children, I'd be there in a shot. Why wouldn't I?

It's all the other days that are the real issue.

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 15/03/2023 22:34

For goodness sake OP, get a grip! Why on earth are you fixated on Mothers Day when the Saturday gaming is the real issue. I would have bo problem with my husband seeing his Mum on Mother's Day, after all I see mine and yes I take the kids because lets face it that's who my Mum really wants to see, but if she didn't I would insist my DH made arrangements for them.

You should absolutely see your Dad on Fathers Day. If you would rather spend it with your husband that's up to you.

I'm pretty sure if your DH wasn't so incredibly selfish every weekend then you would probably overlook this issue.

Supersands · 15/03/2023 22:34

Interesting that his mum is behaving quite selfishly not inviting grand children. He hasn’t put you first it’s your Mother’s Day too. More importantly why is he still gaming every Saturday. I guess a lot of people have hobbies but could he not do that in the week when the kids are in bed.
He doesn’t sound very thoughtful….

Pollyputthekettleonha · 15/03/2023 22:36

MadMadMadamMim · 15/03/2023 21:31

I think Mothers day should be for mothers who are actually parenting day in, day out, to be honest. Like you, by the sound of it. A day off from the constant grind.

Mothers of grown up children, who have passed this stage of their lives and aren't parenting full time any longer come second at this point. They can arrange lunch when they like. I say this as a 60 year old mother of 5. I'm not devastated if my adult children make other plans for Sunday.

Totally agree with this. It's mean of your mother in law not to include you and your children in the meal.
Depends on the age of your children but if they are very young then mother's Day on your own with the kids is far from a relaxing break for you, which is what you should be getting.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/03/2023 22:37

His suggestion is reasonable for Sunday. The issue is him abdicating his parenting responsibilities on Saturday. When is your time off? Occasional Saturday fine. But not weekly. That's not fair.

ApplePlantagenet · 15/03/2023 22:38

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/03/2023 22:31

Why is his mother selfish to want to see her own children? The OP is not the only mother here. She doesn't need her dh with her all day.
However husband is selfish to spend every Saturday gaming with friends

It's selfish to exclude her grandchildren and DIL.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/03/2023 22:39

Address the issue about him spending time with his mates. Don't take it out on his Mum just because you cant face up to him about what's really bothering you.

Crazyinlove123 · 15/03/2023 22:39

I find mothers day is just a load of rubbish anyway and it’s not a thing in my family. But the Saturday gaming every week would be a problem. I don’t get it.

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 15/03/2023 22:40

Freddiefox · 15/03/2023 22:32

the son she raised is off on yet another childfree jolly, yes.

always blaming mil. Honestly this is a grown up, the op is also a grown up. If op is happy to be treated as an employee by her dh why is the mil to blame? Equally if the dh treats his wife with such distain why is the mil held accountable.

My thoughts exactly. You 100% have a DH problem. I can't believe posters are bringing your MIL into this. I don't think her suggestion is a big deal, but seeing as you do then your DH could simply say he can't attend as he is spending all day with his DW. Problem solved. Even if he wants to go he really doesn't have a leg to stand on seeing as he absents himself form family life every Saturday.

wingingit1987 · 15/03/2023 22:41

If your own mother wanted you to attend an adults only meal on Mother’s Day- would he be staying home with the kids? Or would he be happy to stay home with them for you to attend an adults only meal on Father’s Day with your own dad?

NoSquirrels · 15/03/2023 22:42

So is he looking after the kids this Saturday while you go for lunch with your mum?