To want my husband to skip Mother's Day Lunch with his Mom?

[Kylakins87]

It's a bone of contention in our house each week that my husband spends every single Saturday afternoon in his best friend's house playing video games.
For me, weekends should be for family time. Not exclusively, of course, but for the most part. I think it's great to meet friends, but doing so religiously on a Saturday does scupper and cut short a lot of the weekend plans I have for us.
Thats why I do expect that on Mother's Day we spend the day doing things that are important to me ie. Spending time together as a family, going for a family walk, meal out, whatever it is i dont really mind as long as we are together as a family.
My husband has thoughtfully asked me how I would like to spend Mother's Day on Sunday. I appreciated him asking and I had yet to decide. But I knew it would consist of maybe going for brunch or lunch and spending the day together.
But now, there is a spanner in the works. His Mother (who I love) wants to celebrate her Mother's Day by having lunch in a restaurant with her adult children. Actual children are not welcome. Therefore if my husband is to attend, I will have to stay home with our kids.
I want my husband to see his Mother on Mother's Day, but I thought maybe he would call to her with her present and spend an hour with her over a cuppa, or even that we as a family would all pop over during the day at a time that suited us all, not that he would leave me to go out for lunch for a few hours in the middle of the day. When we discussed this, my husband said that the day wasn't all about me, and that it's his mother's Mother's Day too.
I suppose I feel a bit under prioritised and again am annoyed that the day will be interrupted with another engagement.
The Mothers Day lunch suits all of his other siblings because they are all either single without kids, or else separated, so would not be spending their day with partners anyway.
He is saying that he can go for breakfast with me, and spend the whole late afternoon with me and the evening time too, just not this chunk in the middle where he goes for lunch.
It's just not sitting right with me.
I wouldnt go for lunch with my Father on Father's Day and leave him at home with our children on his own. I would either bring him and the kids along to the lunch, or I would have the Father's Day lunch on a day that wasnt actually Fathers Day instead.
I am going for Mother's Day lunch with my Mom, but on the day before Mother's Day.
What are your thoughts?

You’re completely right. People have really bought into the whole thing and really it’s just a business opportunity. And sometimes even children feeling pressure to do something nice for mothers they are not that close to. There are more genuine ways to actually help parents throughout the year.

Special breakfast = getting up and dressed early to go out OR croissants in PJs at home. Neither would be special to me.

Special evening dinner = finding babysitter/ kids will be too tired to go out/ too late/ dh not hungry from dinner out.

OP YANBU. Dh can't do it all. I'd be royally miffed. Ideally you go out in the middle of the day. Maybe MIL can have a 'special breakfast' with her kids, or even dinner since they're adults. Why should you get the difficult bits of the day?

And to add a perfect example is on this thread the OP has made more of an issue of one day (Mothers Day ) than the fact her husband goes gaming every Saturday which IMO is surely more of a problem but yet what’s been highlighted is the former . Truth is there are husbands skipping out of doing what they should all through the year then they sweeten the wives /mother of their child on one or two days like Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. Women really should demand a bit more and not fall for this nonsense.

How many children did you have with this selfish gaming loser manchild?🙄

He clearly could care less about you, family time or doing anything tjat doesn't suit him.

Utter loser.

You deserve much better.

That’s just being a negative Nancy. I hope your DH knows you think dinner is “difficult” for any special day whatsoever be it a birthday, anniversary and so on.

Yes I agree. The gaming every Saturday afternoon is the real issue. Not the 2-3hrs to have lunch with his mum once a year on Mother’s Day.

I wouldn't need to tell him that dinner is difficult with kids younger than 10. He'd know because he jointly parents them and would also not like the hassle of finding babysitting.

I hope you have a lovely day today OP, whatever you end up doing.

What did you end up doing? An update would be nice.

Fathers Day I would 100% get up in the morning and go and see your dad leaving him and the kids home. I’d also start going out every Friday night … he needs to know how this feels!

No Easter, no Christmas, sounds miserable to me.

Looks like I’m an odd one thinking that Mother’s Day celebration on Mother’s Day is for actively mothering women (of underage children)? Mothers of adults especially ones with kids should understand that their sons have other priorities now and can be celebrated either on a different day or suffice with a call and flower delivery or something? It’s very odd to me that it’s acceptable for a father of minor kids to abandon the mother of his kids for his mom (who likely hasn’t been active mothering mom for a decade at least)?

I think it's for both. If I were in the UK, which I'm not, I would take my mum out for lunch on Mother's Day. Since I'm not in the UK, I send her flowers instead. I also do the same for my MIL.

The difference is that now I am a mother myself, both my mum and my MIL believe the day is now about me as much as it is about them and should be special for me too.

It’s for all mothers. And do you have any adult children? Because I had a little laugh at your comment regarding mothers not actively mothering adult children 😆

”abandon” is an exaggeration btw. It’s going to a lunch for his mother on Mother’s Day. Which is 3hrs tops. Add in 8hrs sleeping and that leaves 13hrs to celebrate Mother’s Day with the mother of his children. I think that clearly shows who is the priority.

Under 10 days you mean? We took our DC to restaurants from infancy and because they were used to it, it was never “difficult” to take them with us if we wanted. Dinner out is our usual restaurant meal.

We also had them in nursery from 11 weeks old and a home babysitter from 6 mos old. So getting a babysitter was also never a “hassle”.

So, yes you’re being a bit of a negative Nancy.

@Onnabugeisha

Are you in the UK?

Mothering Sunday is one day in the year.
Saturday is one day a week. You need to get that sorted out.

His Mum was selfish, she should have factored in her GC and DC’s partners in her plans imo. Your DH’s gaming needs to end, that’s the biggest issue.

No your not being unreasonable at all. I always think my husband could go on the day before to see his mother with flowers or take her out for a meal if he so wishes. But mothers day is about you. And actually it really annoys me too because I am sure your husband as a child dod all the mothers day stuff with his mother and not only that but I think about my daughter and how I want my daughter to see how her dad treats her mum on mothers day so when my daughter grows up and has children of her own how her husband is supposed to treat her. Don't get me wrong I encourage my husband to get his mother a card and hint to him he should see her the day before and the same with my mother and my nan. But mothers day is my day I only ask for 1 day a year to be about me. My mother, mother in law had all the mothers days when my husband was a child when I was a child. Now it's my turn and let's face it us mothers with young children never ask for anything. So why not 1 day a year be about us. Tell your husband as he has already made plans with his mum that's fine but it would of been nice for your mother in law to look after the kids for a few hours why your husband took you out. Then say don't be arranging the same next year because that won't be happening and say you will organise your day and he will pay for it. Say you appreciate that he loves his mum and he should see her (the day before) but his mother is not the one that is looking after his children and washing his shitty arse undies. He should get the idea then. Good luck x

Absolutely this!!

How is it special? It's probably just the same old shit for the OP. Maybe she wants to be treated and taken out.

I agree with you that the gaming is the main issue though!

zombie thread

Everyone is being unreasonable and selfish in this

DH is the worst offender gaming with his mate very Saturday. MIL banning her GC and therefore DIL from what is their own Mother's Day too. And then OP for blaming MIL instead of her own DH.

zombie zombie zombie thread

Mothers of grown up children, who have passed this stage of their lives and aren't looking after their kids full time any longer come second at this point. They can arrange lunch when they like. I say this as a 60 year old mother of 5. I'm not devastated if my adult children make other plans for Sunday

I agree, it's a made-up day and causes so much angst.

It was originally Mothering Sunday for girls in service to return to their mother church wasn't it? Not an excuse for lots of businesses to make lots of money out of people and cause arguments for others.

I rarely see my mum on Mother's Day because we don't live close to each other. And my son is away at university.

As an aside the Saturday gaming is the actual problem here. It should be reduced to once a month.