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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not accept childs new name

376 replies

PeskyPenguin · 13/03/2023 20:06

My eldest, 13 year old girl has a longish girls name with lots of options for shortening and nicknames.

They told me yesterday that they are non binary and would like to be referred to as they them. Whatever, ok.

Then they tell me that they want to change their name, to another long girls name.

I don't get it. Surely the point of changing a name is to be less feminine?

Their response is "it's just a name I like more"

Well tough? Not everyone likes their name, but that is your name??

They went to a youth group night. And I said to the the leader "I'm here to collect X" and they corrected me and said their new name.

So I was already miffed as I told them we need time and to think about this and to maybe test it out with friends. I don't like being corrected about my child's name at pick up.

They get in the car and ask when I'm going to tell school their new name and that they can't use the female toilets or changing rooms anymore.......

Help me understand or tell me I'm not going crazy to still call them their "dead name" according to them.

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 13/03/2023 20:36

In my day you either had a vagina or you didn't. I think I need a lay down...

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 13/03/2023 20:37

Yanbu let me guess her friends are all doing the same. Everyone is so desperate to be an individual but are just copying each other. Its just irritating. Tell her you will discuss it with her when she's 18 and hopefully grown up a bit

TheKeatingFive · 13/03/2023 20:38

God help the teachers having to deal with this bollocks en masse.

Whatthediddlyfeck · 13/03/2023 20:38

ScreamingInfidelities · 13/03/2023 20:09

I know it’s not PC to say so but I’m a secondary teacher and I’m so sick this absolute bullshit. It’s attention seeking nonsense.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m not a teacher but have a job where we deal with a lot of youngsters with these issues. They are becoming damaged by the kowtowing to their nonsense

Janedoe82 · 13/03/2023 20:40

I completely agree- we are making children ill. All the ‘woke’ nonsense needs to stop.

Soproudoflionesses · 13/03/2023 20:41

ScreamingInfidelities · 13/03/2023 20:09

I know it’s not PC to say so but I’m a secondary teacher and I’m so sick this absolute bullshit. It’s attention seeking nonsense.

Me too. Fucking ridiculous

NewDogOwner · 13/03/2023 20:43

In Hannah Barnes' new book about the Tavistock she quotes Polly Carmichael who was head of GIDS saying that they don't advise complete social transition as it doesn't leave space for the young person to explore their issues and can be difficult for them to come back from.

BastardtheCat · 13/03/2023 20:43

StephanieSuperpowers · 13/03/2023 20:15

So the youth worker told you, the mother, what name you're allowed to call your minor child? They need to wind their necks in.

I'm afraid I'd have to tell them exactly this. ⬆️ ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Gh12345 · 13/03/2023 20:47

What is this country coming to?

Backstreets · 13/03/2023 20:47

Stand your bloody ground OP. She's a child. How the world of normal adults got hoodwinked into treating every teenage fantasy (as long as it's gender-related) as sacrosanct is beyond me.

StillWantingADog · 13/03/2023 20:47

The youth worker was totally out of order.

at 13, unless there is a very long backstory and you can be sure her demands are genuine she gets called her given name, or a version there of . Tell her she can change it legally at 18 if she still want to.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 13/03/2023 20:49

Just tell her you don't identify as a deed poll certificate so no you won't change her name for school.

Penguinsaregreat · 13/03/2023 20:49

Yeah perhaps we should all stop being mothers. You know cos we no longer identify as them. Then tell your dcs that you no longer cook or wash their clothes so they can, you know go and wash their own clothes in the river and whilst there collect berries and shit to eat. See how that goes down.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/03/2023 20:49

TheKeatingFive · 13/03/2023 20:34

I'd be tempted to call her bluff too. Tell her you will now answer only to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.

Nope ‘crap Bag…. First name Crap second name Bag’

Led9519 · 13/03/2023 20:50

I’d have said to the youth worker “that can be their name when they’re able to change it legally at 18. In the meantime I’ll be referring to them by their legal name.”

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 13/03/2023 20:50

TheKeatingFive · 13/03/2023 20:38

God help the teachers having to deal with this bollocks en masse.

No wonder they're striking, they don't get paid enough for this attention seeking crap.

Grimbelina · 13/03/2023 20:50

Do take some guidance from the Bayswater group as another poster said. It's very important to plot a path through this that doesn't alienate your daughter and push her towards others who might validate this nonsense a transition.

Led9519 · 13/03/2023 20:51

I’d have said to the youth worker “that can be their name when they’re able to change it legally at 18. In the meantime I’ll be referring to them by their legal name.”

Pseudonamed · 13/03/2023 20:51

Its a pile of shite. We have one here of 13 same. Her and 5 of her friends ALL born into the wrong bodies apparently. We just nod and agree and call her by her given name.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/03/2023 20:52

Pseudonamed · 13/03/2023 20:51

Its a pile of shite. We have one here of 13 same. Her and 5 of her friends ALL born into the wrong bodies apparently. We just nod and agree and call her by her given name.

They are going to be a very confused adult generation.

NuffSaidSam · 13/03/2023 20:53

I'd tell her that names don't denote gender so she can be as non-binary as she likes and still called her given name. She can change her to name to one she likes better when she's 18.

I'd tell her that toilets are separated in terms of sex, not gender. Her sex is female and always will be. She is perfectly able to use the toilets for females regardless of her pro-nouns/gender identity. It wouldn't be appropriate for her to use the male toilets regardless of her pro-nouns or gender identity.

Starfish125 · 13/03/2023 20:54

Sorry not a helpful reply but Jesus I'm SICK of this non binary crap! I don't care if someone is gay, heterosexual, transgender whatever but this non binary shite is just ridiculous. In your post when you referred to your daughter as 'them' I thought u was talking about the people at the youth club, not a singular person. It's like kids that vape, it's a trend, it's not real but it's 'cool'. Sam Smith has a lot to answer for. In answer to your post, absolutely NOT being unreasonable, if your daughter hates her name that much she can change it by deed poll when she's old enough.

Redglitter · 13/03/2023 20:54

As far as toilets & changing rooms go, if she's non binary surely she'd still use the girls toilets. Isn't it only a problem if she's transgender?

MissingMoominMamma · 13/03/2023 20:54

This is today’s version of ‘my parents don’t understand me’ isn’t it?

Its fucking tedious and it minimises what some kids are actually going through.

All of my friends’ daughters (no exceptions!) have decided they’re lesbian, then not. Have decided to be non binary, then forgotten. It’s a stupid fad and makes light of what is a real issue for a minority of young people.

DarkNecessities · 13/03/2023 20:54

I’m so happy to read these replies - I thought I was in the minority thinking this is bonkers.

Play ‘them’ at their own game …/