To suddenly find this very unattractive

[Besswess88]

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

You can’t choose what you don’t like. There’s a foodstuff I don’t like but it’s in loads of things. It’s a real pain, life would be easier if I liked it, but I don’t. That’s not my fault!

You can’t choose what you don’t like

Hmmm - yes and no. I mean, not many people really like olives, or red wine, or blue cheese, the first time they eat them, but you develop the taste and grow to like them over time.
Then there's stuff like celery, which is great as a base for cooking but few people would want to chomp full sticks of it.

If you've tried foods several times but still really can't stand them then fair enough. But such strong dislikes are very unlikely to apply to all veg, like in the case of the OP.

My DH was a bit like this when I first met him. Turns out his mum is not a great cook and he just didn't know what was out there or what foods were meant to taste like. A lot of his family are also very fussy, so I think it rubbed off on him. He spent most of his childhood eating chips and chicken nuggets.

When we got together I just cooked what I would like to eat and added veg etc as I would normally do. To not be rude he used to eat it and shock horror even found he enjoyed it. It wasn't long before his palate had expanded and now he eats most things. The only thing he really can't get on-board with is quite sweet or tart fruit (summer pudding is his idea of hell). However, he still will eat it if served up e.g. by an unsuspecting host.

I would find it quite offputting if an adult point blank refused to try a wide range of foods (allergies or genuine diagnosed conditions aside), especially if they were vocal about it in polite company. I find it a weirdly controlling trait, but appreciate that might just be my experience with family members who do this, e.g. any choice of restaurant for a family meal revolves around the fussy person and what they can and can't eat. God forbid if their one limited choice of meal is out of stock on the day...🙄

Exactly!
You can’t choose what you don’t like. I don’t like fussy eaters.

😂😂 that made me giggle!

I think the issue here is also that whether you like vegetables or not as an adult in your 40s, there’s a reasonable expectation that you’ll incorporate a wide range of them in your diet. Not necessarily every single one but at least more than two types.

So to me it’s not so much the fact he doesn’t like them, it’s the fact he doesn’t overcome that dislike and eat them for health reasons if nothing else.

I happen to like most vegetables but even if I didn’t, I’d hope I’d make an effort to eat more than sweetcorn and peas for the sake of my health. In fact I was a fussy eater as a kid and loved all things cakes and biscuits lol, but I knew I couldn’t go on like that and I started incorporating more foods into my diet when I went off to uni at 18.

DP and I LOVE food - if he was picky it would change everything 😂

Turns out he was a prick anyway.

Made the effort cooked a lovely roast with peas and sweetcorn on Tuesday, stayed etc.

Knob was on a date with someone else last night.

Oh @Besswess88 . Found out early !

This.

Df’s parents are by no means “shit cooks” but he was very much brought up with veg being an optional side instead of an integral part of the meal. When we met, he honestly barely ate any veg. And I’m vegetarian 😂

Because I am quite creative with cooking veg, he tried loads of “new” things that he had written off in childhood, and he now eats everything except mushrooms.

@Besswess88 sorry to hear that, sounds like you probably dodged a bullet!

Yeah I get the non exclusive dating thing but I think once you have spent 5 nights in one week with someone and you say money is tight to go out to dinner so she offers to cook you then don’t date other people in the same week. I dunno maybe I am just old fashioned 🤷‍♀️

Well rid @Besswess88 .

@MulletAndMustache
I agree 100 pct with you. Do all these women like and eat everything? I don't. I don't eat liver. I don't like all veggies. I should only eat kosher food 🥺. I can't think now. It's 3.36am. I cant think but I do think they're being too judgemental. 🤔

If it’s early days, don’t spend 5 nights in one week with him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you both could do with learning about what a healthy relationship is.

And definitely don't cook for him in his own home! That's just setting yourself up for a certain kind of relationship. Ick. A grown man who can't even feed his own houseguests.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I always find it interesting how different people judge (or don't judge) different things. A lot of MNetters have always had firm views of how they think maturity is defined. And it can include things like not liking certain foods, or not learning to drive.

I grew up with 2 incredibly fussy siblings. DH went to boarding school so will eat anything I find that a massive turn on. Can't be doing with fussy eaters be they adults or children

People need to stop framing simple partner preferences as "judgy".
Everyone is allowed to say "this doesn't work for me" no matter what it is. No one should be judged as "judgy" because they are choosing what their needs, wants and boundaries are. If anything more people, especially women, should consider their own needs, wants and boundaries. Doesn't matter if it's food, sport, accent, language, hobbies, physical looks....

You don't need to just accept any men/women around with flaws that bother you, you know. You can choose fitting match and you absolutely should. Anyone saying otherwise is quite frankly, bit incely.

By putting the choosing of suitable partner into negative sense, people are basically making it a not ok practice meaning women end up eith unsuitable partners.
And when they come back saying they are unhappy the same people will say "well you knew what you were getting into so stop moaning"....

Loving the relationship experts here saying what I should and shouldn’t do at the start of a relationship 👍🏻 Thanks but I’ll do whatever feels right for me.

And I cooked for him in my home not his.

It's not 'judgy' to have partner preferences. What is judgy is saying that other peoples preferences are indicative of some kind of character flaw.

OP was absolutely being judgy saying he only likes certain veg "he's not 5 by the way, he's in his 40s" and "I think it's really immature".

She can not want to date someone for any reason and not be attracted to any quirk for any reason. But deciding someone is immature because they don't like certain foods is definitely judgy. She's making a judgement on him as a person based on something entirely harmless and innocuous.

I am fine with it.

I am not massively desperate for a relationship hence when it’s not ok I am out 🤷‍♀️

Ah, so 'offered to cook' then 'stayed etc' means you invited him over for dinner then invited him to spend the night? Which is presumably what you wanted at the time, fussy eating notwithstanding. If accepting came with an expectation that he not see other people, you should have agreed it first.

But absent any specific allergies, an adult refusing to eat any vegetables except peas and sweetcorn is immature.

It's also probably indicative that he'll be a pita about other things.