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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suddenly find this very unattractive

528 replies

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:39

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

OP posts:
LilyPark · 15/03/2023 12:57

Or maybe it's not a man/woman thing, but in any case I think I would think that if someone dumped me because of this it would induce some major eye rolling.

Marty897 · 15/03/2023 13:00

I’ve been with DH since we were quite young. I have thought though, if I hadn’t met him when we were young and I’d been single more during my adulthood, that a lot of men would have found it off-putting. As a lot of people have said here it is seen as immature and unsophisticated.

LilyPark · 15/03/2023 13:03

Marty897 · 15/03/2023 13:00

I’ve been with DH since we were quite young. I have thought though, if I hadn’t met him when we were young and I’d been single more during my adulthood, that a lot of men would have found it off-putting. As a lot of people have said here it is seen as immature and unsophisticated.

I really honestly can't imagine any man giving a monkey's about it. Unless they were some massive foodie but even then...

Jojofjo44 · 15/03/2023 13:16

This is my idea of hell. I have a couple of friends and my SIL who all will not eat different foods so family occasions are a nightmare. Luckily my husband will eat anything.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 15/03/2023 13:16

LilyPark · 15/03/2023 12:54

I cannot imagine a group of men discussing whether the relationship should end as their partner only eats three kinds of vegetables. Has anyone here been dumped over their food choices? Would you not think that if someone dumped you over that they were unbelievably shallow/insane and you were well rid?

No I wouldn't if we really were incompatible without easy workaround.
Like with anything.
It's not shallow to not be compatible with someone

LilyPark · 15/03/2023 13:25

I think you should send him a text saying 'It's over' with the sweetcorn, pea and tomato emojis then block him. It's the only language these tri-veg losers understand.

NatashaDancing · 15/03/2023 13:29

Disliking all veg apart from peas and sweetcorn would mean being unable to cook 80% of the recipes I currently do (where it's not easy to pick the veg out) and having to massively rethink what I could cook for him. What a PITA

Maybe it's because I very rarely cook the famous "MN roast dinner" that the posters saying "oh well just give him the vegetables he likes, and have what you want" or similar makes no sense to me.

Like you, a huge number of my recipes, even the ones with meat , poultry or game, incorporate vegetables as part of the recipe. The vegetarian and vegan recipes would be impossible. Game, lamb or mutton casseroles and stews would be vile with peas and sweetcorn and they need onions, root vegetables or mushrooms to counter the meatiness.

My traditional roast Christmas dinner is roast pheasant. Peas might get by with that but sweetcorn?

Mirabai · 15/03/2023 13:39

Ohh I love pheasant at Christmas. I do pheasant Normande (ie with apples, cream and Calvados) and serve with Jerusalem artichokes and roast parsnips.

Or pheasant casserole with fresh chestnuts, mushrooms and orange zest.

If a man picked out all the veg from that I would probably throw the pheasant shot at him.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 15/03/2023 13:45

The pheasant sounds lively!
I do simple roasted goose central european style with potato dumplings and sauerkraut and red cabbage for Christmas. Would be left just with goose and peas if they made that extra themselves (sweetcorn or tomato sauce does NOT go with caraway goose. no. Blasphemy)

SheilaWilcox · 15/03/2023 13:50

@Marty897 , @VioletaDelValle
Thank you both. Really helpful.

fellrunner85 · 15/03/2023 13:54

I married a very fussy eater no veg or fruit just beige food. If he’s nice who cares?

I would care because that's a really unhealthy way of living. Which could be storing up health problems for the future, and also setting a really crap example to any children.

But I'd also care because we'd be fundamentally incompatible. I care about my health and that of my family; which means eating well, doing exercise, and having a generally healthy lifestyle in terms of food/booze/activity/what we do for holidays/ days out/ etc.

Someone who eats only beige food is not someone who gives a shit about their health. And that's important, as even if they're "nice" they're clearly not skilled in making good decisions.

AlmostaMamma · 15/03/2023 14:00

LilyPark · 15/03/2023 12:57

Or maybe it's not a man/woman thing, but in any case I think I would think that if someone dumped me because of this it would induce some major eye rolling.

I find comments like this so odd. You’d roll your eyes because you didn’t approve of the reason someone was into you?

If someone doesn’t want to be with you, they don’t want to be with you. The reason is irrelevant. They aren’t required to hold out for a reason you find acceptable or suitably deep.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 15/03/2023 14:04

LilyPark · 15/03/2023 13:03

I really honestly can't imagine any man giving a monkey's about it. Unless they were some massive foodie but even then...

Show quote history

They would just dump incompatible person without all the mental gymnastics of being kind.

AlmostaMamma · 15/03/2023 14:05

Also, all the people pointing out that this might be ARFID or trauma-related. With kindness, so what? Regardless of why you/your DH/your aunty Kate do/are/feel something, said thing can be a turnoff to other people.

notforonesecond · 15/03/2023 14:06

Besswess88 · 13/03/2023 19:49

So roast chicken with roast potatoes, peas and sweet corn? 🙈🙈🙈

I hope you’re not dating my brother. But if you are, better check he likes roasties. If he only likes mash you’re definitely dating my brother.

Nagado · 15/03/2023 14:42

LimeCheesecake · 15/03/2023 11:26

@Nagado - your dh just cooks a separate meal for you?! That’s sweet of him, but also really not a small thing to sign up for.

I know; I’m very lucky. But he’ll do it for himself too. If we do a meal plan and decide to have chicken casserole one evening, he might decide halfway through the day that he doesn’t really fancy it and would rather have pasta, so him cooking two different meals is quite normal for us.

adriftindenofvipers · 15/03/2023 15:08

northernbeee · 14/03/2023 18:57

Think long and hard about this one before you go any further!! Is it only the veg thing or does he have other food issues? My husband (of 10 years) is a very fussy eater and its a PITA to be honest, but it goes further than what this sounds. If its only veg then you can work round that, just don't give him any veg! We go out for a meal and he ALWAYS has to be awkward and ask for something special and cooking is limited as there's main food groups he won't eat (cheese & butter mainly which turns out is in most decent dishes!)

Are you going to LTB though?!

TakeMe2Insanity · 15/03/2023 15:26

Abandon!

GirlFaeMars · 15/03/2023 18:01

My husband was a bit like that at the start, but wouldn’t even eat onions or garlic either. His mum pandered to it, I didn’t. I grated them to start with, and he loved the taste, so after a bit I made food without and he thought it tasted funny. Started just adding chopped small veg, then got bigger until he ate like a normal person 😅took a while, but was worth the effort.

Aria999 · 16/03/2023 01:27

Good grief some of the assumptions on here.

DH eats limited veg but is an amazing cook and travels enough for a British airways gold card...

starray · 16/03/2023 02:23

Try and hide peppers and courgettes in the pasta sauce by pureeing! See whether he notices! 😄

MulletAndMustache · 16/03/2023 04:28

Aria999 · 16/03/2023 01:27

Good grief some of the assumptions on here.

DH eats limited veg but is an amazing cook and travels enough for a British airways gold card...

😂 Thats such a mumsnet thing to say.

VioletaDelValle · 16/03/2023 07:26

Aria999 · 16/03/2023 01:27

Good grief some of the assumptions on here.

DH eats limited veg but is an amazing cook and travels enough for a British airways gold card...

Not saying your DH has ARFID at all but enjoying cooking /being a good cook is often a characteristic with sometime who has it...... people assume were miserable, boring and sulk around food we don't like. Not true at all!!

I love cooking and will cook a wide range of dishes even though I don't eat them. My FiL looks forward to my Christmas dinner all year round 😂😂 I even worked in a pub kitchen as a student, often on my own so was cooking everything!!

DenmarkDen · 16/03/2023 12:19

I have a DP like that too, he only likes peas. Neither does he like anything spicy and that includes things like onions and tomato ketchup. If I do a stew or a casserole, I cook loads of different veg in a pot, blend them when cooked and put that in the stew. He doesn't know nor can he taste them.

DeflatedAgain · 16/03/2023 15:37

www.nottinghampost.com/news/woman-finds-date-unattractive-after-8256071

Not sure if this has been already posted as I didn't read through but this popped up on my news feed this morning @Besswess88 😂