To suddenly find this very unattractive

[Besswess88]

Am dating this guy.

Early days.

I offered to cook for him.

Asked him, is there anything you don’t eat.

Only veg he eats are peas and sweetcorn and tomatoes if they are in a sauce.

Wtaf? And no he’s not 5 he’s in his 40s

I would be concerned that this is OCD and more to come.

Dear lord! So many judgemental people! As you get older the chances of being someone without baggage is limited. And any he a human. He has a quirk. And as quirks go is fairly minor. Is not like he's into hard bandage and wnats you to tie him up and wear a nappy. (Maybe that's to come). Just cook and eat what you want and if he doesn't want the veg he doesn't have to eat it. If he's nice in other ways it wouldn't put me off. If it turns out it's an indication of a deeper immaturity that will come out relatively quickly.

It's more than a "quirk"

Presumably this man's meals consist only of animal protein and a side of peas or sweetcorn or tomatoes (but only in a sauce) How boring. Obviously there are non animal sources of protein but I'm assuming anyone who can't cope with vegetables probably can't cope with them either.

I'm not vegetarian but about 80% of what I cook is probably vegetarian or even vegan. I couldn't cater on any long term basis for someone who refused to eat carrots, peppers, mushrooms, spinach, fennel, artichokes, courgette, cauliflower, aubergine, parsnips,celery, leeks, squash, broccoli etc, etc, etc. It would wipe out most of what I cook.

I am interested in fact that it seems that even if you are not happy with something as long as person isn't bigot or into bdsm, you should forget about personal dislikes and partner up.
That is genuinely how some podts here sound.
"To heck with your love of cooking (which btw often is about ALL involved enjoying the process and product), just take the bloke you judgu bad person"

The best is that if OP did and came back in a year saying she isn't happy because her partner is really just stuck on these and she misses her cooking and fun with food she would be told "well you knew what you are getting into so stop moaning."

I am starting to understand why there are so many unhappy women here. Martyrism and a pushed on one

The issue with threads like this is there are a lot of people who eat very limited diets - be it due to health reasons or fussiness - who have convinced themselves it’s not a big deal, and are really angry and horrified to read that for a lot of people it’s a problem.

theres several posts on here that’s effectively telling others they aren’t allowed to find something unattractive, because the posters don’t want it to be something lots of people find ick.

I think many women, perhaps most women, have never lived alone - and it affects the ability to know who you are and what you need and how to choose it.

Being a single parent isn't the same thing, because children are still relationships you orient yourself around. Sharing with flatmates is a bit more detached, but still, some people will end up catering to others.

Going by Mumsnet, many women do not understand how to apply discernment to choose their companions in life, do not even know that they can and should be doing so. (!)

Of course men can be like this too; but it is women who are, as a class, socialised to be pleasing to others, to be pliant and malleable, to meet others wants and needs whilst being oblivious to their own.

So something as basic as 'this is who I am, this is what I like, this is what I want and need, and I will choose a partner who meets these requirements' is an alien and very confronting concept.

Thank you @Stravaig that is really well explained and makes absolute sense.

This is so perfectly expressed.

Well its early days, I mean how is he as a person? My husband has always been a fussy eater but hes a wonderful, kind, caring, loving man who does so so much for me and our son. If I'd dumped him at the beginning for being fussy, well I'd have missed out on the most wonderful man I've ever met! Maybe see how it goes, if hes great in lots of other ways surely this isn't the end of the world if hes a fussy eater?

I strongly suspect I’m going to regret admitting this, but I am that person. The only vegetables I enjoy eating are sprouts and sweetcorn. I’ll eat a few others because I don’t actively dislike them, but I wouldn’t necessarily choose them. I have two things that I very much like but can’t eat due to an allergy, but otherwise, huge lists of things that I choose not to eat because of the taste/texture, or only eat when they’re prepared in certain ways (tomatoes and carrots for example).

I do like a good restaurant though. There is always something that I like and I just eat around the bits I don’t like. DH does the cooking and if he wants something I don’t like, he does two separate meals.

I married a very fussy eater no veg or fruit just beige food. If he’s nice who cares?

I know, it's fucking weird. I'm nearly 50 FFS!
I did admit that I hate myself for it.
You know how some people have extreme reactions to spiders, snakes, etc? Well, it's a bit like that. I think it's a reaction to adrenaline that causes the shaking, then the embarrassment kicks in and I might cry too.

This thread has actually been really helpful in making me do more research.

And even I don't think the OP should date someone with a trait she finds so off-putting.

Interesting.
How did you go about finding a therapist? What does the treatment look like?
Does it enable you to eat a broader range of foods, or just not be affected by trying things?
Starting to think there is hope for me..

I wouldn’t be too worried, when I met my husband there was loads of stuff he thought he didn’t like. The reality was he’d just not tried them or had bad versions of them. He eats anything and everything now. He’s also put on about a stone in the 10 years I’ve known him 😝

@Nagado - your dh just cooks a separate meal for you?! That’s sweet of him, but also really not a small thing to sign up for.

Well I live alone. I am also an avid cook and love food and cooking. I do think its a quirk and if someone was perfectly lovely in every way and eating sweetcorn was their only vice and be fine with it. I would certainly give it more time to see if it's just that he has never explored food etc or whether it is something that wpuld be at odds with what I want.

How did you go about finding a therapist? What does the treatment look like?
Does it enable you to eat a broader range of foods, or just not be affected by trying things?
Starting to think there is hope for me..

I found a therapist who specialised in ARFID though google - he is based in the NW but does online appointments. The therapy is based on hypnotherapy but centred around my phobia of trying new food. I had to pay as the NHS hasn't really caught up yet despite ARFID being considered a recognised eating disorder.

I eat better than I used to but it's still restricted compared to others. It helped that I have a really understanding partner and friends.

I'd find that very off putting. It's the lack of willingness to try anything new that's most ick inducing

@SheilaWilcox I also describe it as the same feeling as people who are afraid of spiders etc. You might find this article of interest: amp.theguardian.com/food/2022/nov/05/i-have-never-eaten-cucumber-onion-or-an-egg-can-i-cure-my-extreme-food-phobias

@VioletaDelValle would you mind sharing your therapists information via PM?

Does the fussy eater cook his own beige meals?

Or do you cook separate meals?

Or do you both eat beige meals with no fruit or vegetables?

I can't imagine pandering to someone who will only eat peas or sweetcorn or tomatoes (if in sauce) and factoring that into every meal. Even if he cooked his own vegetable free meals I'd find it irritating.

I've PM'd you x

I totally agree with @Stravaig and @fellrunner85
I'd be put off dating someone with a lot of food dislikes for many reasons -

Healthy ageing is a priority for me and I'd simply be incompatible with someone who doesn't make healthy choices. That includes eating a varied and nutritious diet most of the time. Sure, if I could live healthily on junk food and booze that would be fantastic, but I wouldn't be able to so I make sure I eat veg etc.

Disliking all veg apart from peas and sweetcorn would mean being unable to cook 80% of the recipes I currently do (where it's not easy to pick the veg out) and having to massively rethink what I could cook for him. What a PITA

Aside from food intolerances, medical conditions, and ASD etc, being a "fussy eater" conjures up images of fussy toddlers. Not sexy and not what I'd want in a relationship.

I like eating out, and from experience have found that the options are limited when trying to cater for a fussy eater. Hell, even having a vegetarian in a group for example means discounting restaurants that don't have a good choice of vegetarian food, and vegetarianism isn't exactly rare. Depending on where you live, options might already be limited.

If he was a great shag and wanted a fuck buddy then fine, but I wouldn't be interested in anything more than that. Relationships are supposed to enhance our lives, and a fussy eater would make things harder and less enjoyable for me, so I'd rather be single.

It is massively immature and hints at a future mil who has spoiled him.

I cannot imagine a group of men discussing whether the relationship should end as their partner only eats three kinds of vegetables. Has anyone here been dumped over their food choices? Would you not think that if someone dumped you over that they were unbelievably shallow/insane and you were well rid?

If we were married with three kids, yes.

If it’s the first few months of getting to know one another, no.