Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what I want my title to be?

270 replies

KeithBurtons · 13/03/2023 16:44

Divorced 6 years, kept surname but don't really want to be known as Mrs any more. I'd like to put some distance between my marriage and who I am now but my options are limited:

Mrs- presumption that I am married or widowed
Miss- presumption that I've never been married
Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

Mx- suggests nothing about marital status but presumption that I am transgender.

I don't want to be Mrs Burtons any more but none of the other options are any better really- I'm sort of erring towards Miss but why should my title give any indication of my marital status? It really feels completely irrelevant and it's pissing me right off. On the other hand, if it is irrelevant why do I want to get away from being Mrs so much??

YABU- you're overthinking this
YANBU- I can see why you're annoyed

OP posts:
comingoutofmycageandillbedoingjustfine · 17/03/2023 19:09

I don't think anyone would give your title a second thought other than yourself tbh

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 19:17

RosaBonheur · 14/03/2023 14:47

I would like to encourage all women over the age of 18 to use Ms on the grounds that their marital status is none of anyone's damn business.

I've been Ms before and since getting married, never been divorced.

I like Miss. I’m very proud of the fact I’ve made it to my mid 30s without feeling the need to be married. I dislike Ms because it makes me sound older.

Wallywobbles · 17/03/2023 19:19

Ive been married twice and always been a Ms.

RosaBonheur · 17/03/2023 20:05

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 19:17

I like Miss. I’m very proud of the fact I’ve made it to my mid 30s without feeling the need to be married. I dislike Ms because it makes me sound older.

Show quote history

You are older.

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 20:10

RosaBonheur · 17/03/2023 20:05

You are older.

Show quote history

Older than a child, sure. But I am certainly not “older” - I’m quite a bit under the median age. If you consider 34 “older” then congrats, I guess - I’m hopeful I’ve got another 40-50 good years ahead of me, and don’t consider myself “older”

Definitely relevant that I’m a teacher so I’m called by my title every day.

TangledUpinBlu · 17/03/2023 20:18

I use Ms, never married or divorced, miss just sounds childish and also it's nobody's business if I'm married or not..
I see Ms as the female equivalent to Mr, if more women took it on, especially younger women, it would lose the connotations around divorce.
I'm surprised at the massive majority of young women I know getting married and taking their husbands surnames, really thought/hoped that would have started to die out by now.
Some of them are divorced after short marriages, stuck with the husband's name because of course kids got dad's name even if they preceded the marriage.
I really don't understand that and I would never change my surname if I ever get married, unlikely although I'm not against the idea.

Discwriter · 17/03/2023 20:21

I use and have used Ms since I were single, married, and with a PhD. Find titles completely irrelevant.

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 20:28

TangledUpinBlu · 17/03/2023 20:18

I use Ms, never married or divorced, miss just sounds childish and also it's nobody's business if I'm married or not..
I see Ms as the female equivalent to Mr, if more women took it on, especially younger women, it would lose the connotations around divorce.
I'm surprised at the massive majority of young women I know getting married and taking their husbands surnames, really thought/hoped that would have started to die out by now.
Some of them are divorced after short marriages, stuck with the husband's name because of course kids got dad's name even if they preceded the marriage.
I really don't understand that and I would never change my surname if I ever get married, unlikely although I'm not against the idea.

I also find it odd that people are so willing to rescind part of their identity after marriage. I see my name as a part of my identity and I have no desire to change my name, marriage or not. Again, this may be because I am referred to by my last name 100+ times per day.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/03/2023 20:28

Married Ms here. If you don't want people to know your marital status then this is the option to use. Miss specifically means you have not been married. Mrs means either you are married or your have been. Ms deliberately says nothing about your marital status. It's the female equivalent to Mr.

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 20:37

I sometimes think the "Ms is for divorced women" thing was made up by people who didn't like women having a title that didn't give away their marital status and wanted to try to pressure them into using a traditional one. Or at least trying to establish Ms as the divorced option so women will be pushed into giving away their status if they use any title at all.

At any rate, it's nonsense. Plenty of married women who use Ms, like me, and I know a few married Misses as well. And some divorced Mrses, who kept their married names for various reasons.

We should fuck with them. Unmarried women, use Mrs. Married women, use Miss. Divorced women, flip a coin.

louderthan · 17/03/2023 20:39

I use Ms. I've never been married; if I was to get married I'd still use Ms as I wouldn't change my name.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 17/03/2023 20:40

why does it bother you so much what others think your marital status is? Yes I get it.. men are always just Mr and no one knows if they’re married, single, widowed or divorced but why do you care?

LadyLolaRuben · 17/03/2023 21:11

Take Ms. It applies to all circumstances and means mind your own business

InWalksBarberalla · 17/03/2023 21:17

Do you need a title these days? I can't think of the last time I needed to use one.

Pebbles16 · 17/03/2023 21:31

I was Ms maiden name and now am Ms married name, except at work where I am still Ms maiden name because no one can pronounce my married name!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/03/2023 21:32

In that case go with Ms, it gives the least away.....

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 17/03/2023 21:40

Why do you need a title? I don't ever use one, even when I have worked in a school.

The only time it is an issue is ordering online. Some companies don't allow a blank in their drop down box of options. I just cancel the order and go elsewhere.

DH has a female colleague who solved the problem by becoming a professor.

DS has been known to choose Miss or Mrs to prove how ridiculous it is. Miss David Jones type of thing.

moofolk · 17/03/2023 21:59

I have always used Ms.

Most women I know do, whether single, married, or divorced.

RosaBonheur · 17/03/2023 22:13

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 20:10

Older than a child, sure. But I am certainly not “older” - I’m quite a bit under the median age. If you consider 34 “older” then congrats, I guess - I’m hopeful I’ve got another 40-50 good years ahead of me, and don’t consider myself “older”

Definitely relevant that I’m a teacher so I’m called by my title every day.

Show quote history

To me, "Miss" is a title for girls not old enough to vote!

I'm two years older than you and ditched "Miss" over a decade ago.

Not being married isn't anything to be proud of any more than being married is. Let's all stop defining ourselves according to our marital status. Men don't.

PaigeMatthews · 17/03/2023 22:15

moofolk · 17/03/2023 21:59

I have always used Ms.

Most women I know do, whether single, married, or divorced.

This. At work all the women moved over to Ms a few years ago. Women had to specifically ask for miss or mrs.

KievsOutTheOven · 17/03/2023 22:22

RosaBonheur · 17/03/2023 22:13

To me, "Miss" is a title for girls not old enough to vote!

I'm two years older than you and ditched "Miss" over a decade ago.

Not being married isn't anything to be proud of any more than being married is. Let's all stop defining ourselves according to our marital status. Men don't.

Show quote history

Okay, but in a school all the young, cool teachers are Miss and all the older teachers are Ms/Mrs.

I am proud of not bowing to societal norms by getting married - I’m in a longterm committed relationship . I’m entitled to feel proud of whatever I like and I don’t really care whether you don’t think it’s anything to be proud of.

ODFOx · 17/03/2023 22:27

Ms suggests you're a feminist and gives no clue to marital status.

EyesOnThePies · 17/03/2023 22:29

Okay, but in a school all the young, cool teachers are Miss and all the older teachers are Ms/Mrs.

Not the case in either of the secondaries my Dc attended. Most female teachers were Ms , a few older ones Mrs. Dr for all ages where appropriate.

All teachers addressed by name, no culture of ‘Miss / Sir’.

(In primary all staff were addressed by their first names)

MeinKraft · 17/03/2023 22:31

There is another option. Madam!

PaigeMatthews · 17/03/2023 22:31

ODFOx · 17/03/2023 22:27

Ms suggests you're a feminist and gives no clue to marital status.

We cannot be having that. What will the poor men do!

ms suggests you’re an adult women. If you think otherwise, you're uneducated.