To not know what I want my title to be?

[KeithBurtons]

Divorced 6 years, kept surname but don't really want to be known as Mrs any more. I'd like to put some distance between my marriage and who I am now but my options are limited:

Mrs- presumption that I am married or widowed
Miss- presumption that I've never been married
Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

Mx- suggests nothing about marital status but presumption that I am transgender.

I don't want to be Mrs Burtons any more but none of the other options are any better really- I'm sort of erring towards Miss but why should my title give any indication of my marital status? It really feels completely irrelevant and it's pissing me right off. On the other hand, if it is irrelevant why do I want to get away from being Mrs so much??

YABU- you're overthinking this
YANBU- I can see why you're annoyed

Your friends seem a bit out of step. Ms is the default these days.

People use Ms single, married or divorced.

I guess there are still a lot but its definitely changing.
I don't know of anyone who has changed in the last few years.

I kept my and gave the kids mine which is also increasingly common.

If that comes up I just tell people I did a real doctorate, not one of those bogus honorary medical titles.

I've been a Miss all my life, whether single, married or divorced.

It doesn't tell anyone anything about my marital.status 🙂

I'm a married Ms and my mum is a divorced Mrs.
Neither of us saw the point of changing the name/title we'd been using for years when our respective relationship statuses changed

Where are you using titles? The only people I know who regularly do so are teachers. I don’t think I’ve ever been introduced with one

Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

The 1970s called, they want their opinions back. No one thinks this anymore, Ms is for anyone and everyone.

I use Ms.

All of my female friends use Ms now regardless of relationship status.

Mx.....just no

Does your passport have your title on it? That really surprises me. In the US they don't.

I used Ms before I was married and I still use Ms for work purposes (and my maiden name). I use Ms for all women if I don't know their preferred title. It would never occur to me to think a Ms was divorced.

I have two bank cards with the same bank attached to the same account. One says J DOE and the other says MS J DOE. I have no idea why and I’m sure they’d take off the Ms if I asked. I think they have a few variations they use (initial only, full name, with / without title) and they’ll use whichever one you ask for.

The thing is, even though my bank cards says my “title” it’s not a legal or even vaguely official title. I can simply phone the bank and say I now want to be known as Miss or Mrs should I want. They would need proof of name change to change my actual name.

I’m actually getting quite fed up with the whole title debate thing. The sexism implied in there being Miss and Mrs for women was acknowledged a long time a go hence Ms was created to fix a problem. Just because some people get the wrong end of the stick with Ms doesn’t mean it is the title that we should be using if we don’t want to be defined by our marital status. There is no need to create another title to perform the same function as Ms.

Just checked my (new, British) passport and there is no title to be found. No title on the expired ones also.

Ms doesn't presume divorce. That's an outdated thing.
I've used Ms since I was 20. I'm now married but kept my name and still use Ms.

I know lots of unmarried Ms's, I think it's becoming much more common now.

Get ordained and become a Rev? Or buy a small patch of land and become a Lady?

Why do you care what people think? Why does it matter?
When filling in a form it's often a faceless thing.
When attending appointments at say the hospital they often use first name surname rather than title surname.
If I get an email from someone I don't know it doesn't enter my head to wonder if they're married or divorced or whatever because it's irrelevant to me. It's someone requiring my services (self employed) or someone providing information

I would like to encourage all women over the age of 18 to use Ms on the grounds that their marital status is none of anyone's damn business.

I've been Ms before and since getting married, never been divorced.

This is why I don't understand why there is so much angst about this. How often are titles actually used?

Always been a Mrs my surname from age 18 as that is abbreviation for Mistress and means a professional, independent, adult woman. Ms does as well.

The titles only became associated with marital status a couple hundred years ago.

Ive reclaimed the original meaning and don’t give a fig what people assume. I enjoy setting them straight. Had some humorous things like DH coming to a posh work do and his table card saying “Mr my surname” when he is Mr his surname.

More annoying have been schools dropping the Mrs and putting Miss on there because they assumed we were unmarried as we had different surnames. I’d correct it, then they’d undo it, then I’d correct it again…

Both of those scenarios are horrifying and worth complaining about. They aren’t even likely policy, just poor quality computer programming.

dh loves flying with me because sometimes the airlines flag his tickets with my upgraded security status. Not always, but sometimes. If they downgraded me and put me under him, I would be really annoyed because it would have practical implications like standing in those longer lines with him instead of sitting and enjoying my coffee while I wait for the plane.

I submitted my PhD about a month before I got married, I was spurred on by avoiding this quandary!

I think there's a website where you can buy a title - one of my friends is 'Lady' because her OH bought her a 3m square strip of land in Scotland from such a website as a Christmas present!

So she's Lady Lastname of Some Place in Scotland 😂

If I don't want to use my birth title or my work titles, I always use Ms. I'm not divorced. Just use Ms.

Lady What3Words

Lady ColanderGussetStalk

I'm a Ms. Married - not divorced.
No one has ever asked if I'm divorced.
I wouldn't care if anyone thought I was divorced.
As you are divorced, I'm perplexed as to why you'd have a problem with anyone erroneously thinking you are divorced.

But all this does is demonstrate why having Ms is important. Your marital status shouldn't have to be represented within your name.

I've used Ms my whole adult life. Used it when single, use it now I'm married. If people think I'm divorced I don't really care.