To not know what I want my title to be?

[KeithBurtons]

Divorced 6 years, kept surname but don't really want to be known as Mrs any more. I'd like to put some distance between my marriage and who I am now but my options are limited:

Mrs- presumption that I am married or widowed
Miss- presumption that I've never been married
Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

Mx- suggests nothing about marital status but presumption that I am transgender.

I don't want to be Mrs Burtons any more but none of the other options are any better really- I'm sort of erring towards Miss but why should my title give any indication of my marital status? It really feels completely irrelevant and it's pissing me right off. On the other hand, if it is irrelevant why do I want to get away from being Mrs so much??

YABU- you're overthinking this
YANBU- I can see why you're annoyed

Oh it’s a minefield. I’m widowed and in a new relationship- I tend to choose Ms but it definitely means others make assumptions. I work in a very conservative rural system and to say it isn’t an issue doesn’t really work here. I try to say ‘moopy’ but flipping forms don’t allow. Also do I change my surname when widowed a whole other issue as am known professionally as married name it’s a minefield. Booked a flight to greece recently and Greek airline only have Mrs or Mr choices..

I’m Ms and married.

Tbh I don’t associate Ms with divorce, I just see it as equivalent to Mr i.e an adult female, marital status irrelevant.

I'm married and typically use Ms

I think you must know some unusual people. Practically every woman I know who uses a title uses Ms, regardless of present or past marital status......

For the people who asked, I've checked mine and no the title doesn't appear on the passport, but when I was filling out the info to renew I had to select a title. Because I was trying to choose Ms it wouldn't let me proceed without the divorce paperwork. So somewhere within that system they've decided Ms = divorced. I can't just decide to be Ms. It wouldn't let me skip the title altogether either, same for my daughter. As it doesn't appear but I'm still obviously a Mrs somewhere on the system, I don't want to risk messing up flight bookings just in case, so I'll have to keep it the same for any travelling.

My passport - just renewed - has my title on it but written in full as 'Doctor'. Why these things apparently appear arbitrarily I have no idea. I'm not sorry it's on there because certain colleagues have reported they have received upgrades and cited this as the reason. It's never happened to me, though!

What you say above about the algorithms refusing to accept Ms without divorce paperwork is infuriating.

As a final insult to my poor mother - they would not allow me to put her occupation on her death certificate. It had to be Wife Of (ABUSIVE HUSBAND). I objected vocally and was told they'd never had that complaint before, and they insisted on filling in the certificate as was.

This was 20 years ago - she died young - and I'm well aware the dead don't know or care what's written on their death certificate. But had she done so, I know she'd have been furious. Having lost my beloved Mum, you might well ask me why that even registered in the circumstances when I was numb with grief and shock. But it really stung. He'd controlled us throughout his life and it felt as though he was still doing so even in death.

I sincerely hope these things have changed now.

My friends and I must be all out of step. We're all Mrs

I got gifted 1sqft of land in Glencoe and can now choose to call myself "Lady" if I wish 😂So that's another option for you and much easier than a PHD...... You can purchase one yourself for £30 on highlandtitles.com lol

I've been Miss, Ms and Mrs (more than once). I'd rather be Ms even though I'm married because it irritates me that there are different titles for women. I'm about 4 years away from being Dr once I finish my EdD, and, as I told DH yesterday, I'm going to use the title at every possible opportunity!

Do like the Harkles and use Princess. 🙃

It was only when I got divorced that I realised (and hated) the fact that generally men are Mr whatever their marital status but us women have to display it so people can (and do) have more Information about us that they should

We don't. That's what Ms is for.

Call yourself Professor

I've used Ms since my teens. Used it while single, cohabiting, engaged, etc. Never been married and never divorced. I also don't particularly care for other people's assumptions.

Bamboux
We do though. And I said 'in general'. I know we had Ms but women also have Mrs and Miss to denote their marital status. Men do not, Men only have Mr. Single, married, divorced or any other state of partnership.

The point is that we do have the option of a title that says nothing at all about our marital status. So no, we don't have to share that information. I never have.

I was a Ms when married, certainly hasn't changed since I got divorced- it's the natural choice here I would say?

Also, I'm thrilled be to divorced but I guess you maybe are not OP? Are we still supposed to be ashamed of being 'divorcees'

Or just go for Dame, or Squadron Leader (rtd.) or reverend. Used to see this a lot in an old job of mine 😂

Not in any corporate environment its not. Ms is the default in organisations.

It is the default, but I always set them straight.

Women could be free of this if we just stopped using Miss and Mrs and let them fall out of use. Within a generation they could be gone. At this point it is only a problem because women continue to participate in the sexist title system.

What's wrong with the presumption that you've never been married?

I hope Miss and Mrs will be considered archaic within a generation.

But too many women currently see being married as some sort of badge of honour.

Depressing really.

I agree with this.

We have a perfectly good and accepted alternative (Ms). If people don’t want to use it I really don’t understand what the complaint is.