To not know what I want my title to be?

[KeithBurtons]

Divorced 6 years, kept surname but don't really want to be known as Mrs any more. I'd like to put some distance between my marriage and who I am now but my options are limited:

Mrs- presumption that I am married or widowed
Miss- presumption that I've never been married
Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

Mx- suggests nothing about marital status but presumption that I am transgender.

I don't want to be Mrs Burtons any more but none of the other options are any better really- I'm sort of erring towards Miss but why should my title give any indication of my marital status? It really feels completely irrelevant and it's pissing me right off. On the other hand, if it is irrelevant why do I want to get away from being Mrs so much??

YABU- you're overthinking this
YANBU- I can see why you're annoyed

I can see why you're annoyed. men have it much more straightforward with Mr.

I'm married and I use Ms.

My maiden name was Green and my married name is Black. At work I go by Ms Green, anything to do with the kids I go by Ms Black, as that is their surname.

Only been married 5 years though so not sure if this option will work longtime.

I was going to suggest this.

Also a Ms, and have been while single and now while married.

Do you have children that's why you don't want to drop the surname and you want the same as your children?
If not or that's not an issue go back to your maiden name and keep the Mrs

As long as you’re not claiming to have medical qualifications, just use Dr, or Mr. I don’t see why an online purchase needs to know what my title is but it’s so often compulsory on forms. I just pick one at random.

It's about time we got rid of the whole Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms thing, what is it actually for?!

I was a Ms when I was single, and I am a Ms now I am married.

I've been a Ms since I was 18. Now married ten years, still am.

Some people have told me people will assume I'm divorced if I keep using Ms. Nobody can explain why I should give a shit.

Your opening premise is incorrect. Ms & Miss have to presumptions.

Choose whatever you want.

In France they decided that everyone female over 18 becomes Madame, previously you were only Madame if married.
I like that approach. But English isn't the same as French obviously

I want to start using Madame!

I've been a Ms my entire adult life, single and married. Not been divorced but if I did I'd still be a Ms.

I've always been Ms. No way was I going to be a Miss before marriage or a Mrs after.
Ms is simply an alternative to Mr.

I have always been 'Ms', ever since I was old enough to think it wasn't fair for women's title to show whether they are married. No idea why anyone would think it had anything to do with divorce.

Use Ms, don't stress about what otjers think - they have no impact ... Unmarried and use Ms since my mid twenties...

Well said - a good practical solution.

I’m divorced, I reverted to Ms. I always hated Miss and used Ms until I was married, then I switched to Mrs because it seemed ‘grown-up.’ 😂 I’m happy being Ms now. Don’t care if that makes me look like a divorced feminist, because, well…

Same.

That said, Reverend has a nice ring to it. Or Laird.

Another one who has always been a Ms, both while single and married.

I think the 'Ms is for divorced women' is something from the 70s and I'm surprised you know so many people who still think of it that way!

How can 15 of your friends not know anyone with the title Ms but not divorced. I don’t understand.

Use Ms. It's an out of date convention to say it's for divorcees. I've always used it..
To my mind it means 'whether I'm married or not in none of your business '

This. The fact that women’s titles are so mired in marital status infuriates me. I’ve been Ms since I was 16; and then Dr (professionally) since I got my PhD at 31. No one else’s business.

Perhaps I should take the cloth, purely so that I can then be The Reverend Bums Wombats.

The thing is you probably don't know what title most people use, there might be others who use Ms you just haven't asked; it doesn't actually come up with people you know very often it's more for official purposes.

I swapped to using Ms at about 30 (single) and even though I changed my name on marriage (mid 30s) I still use Ms, as I believe my marital status is irrelevant to those who don't know me well enough to know I'm married anyway. The idea it's for divorcees is very dated (and factually incorrect) though of course, not unheard of. No-one's ever commented on that to me though.

I wouldn't generally comment if we received post addressed to Mr & Mrs though!

I used Ms before and after marriage (especially at work)

30 years ago I'd have agreed that women using Ms were likely to be divorced.

I don't think that has been the case for ages though. My daughters use it all the time (they are both single) and so do I sometimes (married)

I completely agree.