To not know what I want my title to be?

[KeithBurtons]

Divorced 6 years, kept surname but don't really want to be known as Mrs any more. I'd like to put some distance between my marriage and who I am now but my options are limited:

Mrs- presumption that I am married or widowed
Miss- presumption that I've never been married
Ms- presumption that I'm divorced (I know that this theoretically is the option that doesn't tell the reader anything about marital status but a straw poll of 15 friends tells me that nobody knows a woman who has never been married that uses Ms, all the Ms they know are divorced)

Mx- suggests nothing about marital status but presumption that I am transgender.

I don't want to be Mrs Burtons any more but none of the other options are any better really- I'm sort of erring towards Miss but why should my title give any indication of my marital status? It really feels completely irrelevant and it's pissing me right off. On the other hand, if it is irrelevant why do I want to get away from being Mrs so much??

YABU- you're overthinking this
YANBU- I can see why you're annoyed

When applying for dds passports, young Scots cards etc their title is Miss so I now associate it with young women/children.

Ms I think is more socially acceptable for those over 30 married or divorced.

@Bamboux actually he did talk about it at the time. He would've taken my name if it's what I'd wanted but I wanted to take his.
Partly cos it's what felt right and partly cos his name is a damn sight easier to spell than mine and I'd spent 3 decades correcting people on spelling/pronouncing my surname 😂 I was delighted to finally have a surname that I don't need to spell out whenever I speak to call centres etc!
But your response to me sounds a little loaded. I'm allowed to love the tradition of it every bit as much as anyone else is allowed to love doing things their own way. Each to their own as long as nobody's being oppressed.

In the place that I work, we have to set up lots of people up on a system. Unless they otherwise say so, they all get called Ms (you have to pick a title) or if a man Mr (I have a choice of master xyz)

Go with Ms

This is a fair point I hadn't thought of. I use Mrs if I'm filling in a form or something like that, I don't expect folk to address me as Mrs Iwontforgetyoumyfriendwhathappened in day to day life. That would make me feel like a teacher 😆

But why is their title Miss?

Choose the one you like and use that. If people make presumptions you don't have to care. I've been married 23 years and I'm a Miss. I've had people tell me it's only for unmarried women and I say well I am married and my title is Miss, no one has dropped dead as a result.

I wouldn't recommend it, given the state of academia these days. 'Dr' also isn't an option on a every drop-down menu with titles, it's omitted as often as it's there.

Other than professional titles in professional contexts I can't see why they are even needed anymore. Because they are insisted upon for some strange reason, then I go with Dr or Ms. I'm also married. It doesn't matter to me what assumptions people attach to titles, other than that I normally get better treatment with Dr Initial FamilyName than any other combination. That is, before it becomes apparent that I'm a woman. Who'd have thought it, eh?

The jarring thing is that you find yourself explaining this to anyone in the first place. This is never expected of men.

As for the custom of name-changing and titles designating marital status, you can bet your boots that if there were any discernible benefit to this men would be doing it. The fact that for the most part they are not tells me everything I need to know.

Serafina - I agree (sorry I can't tag or my paragraphs go bonkers). The main reason I stuck with Miss was because it had always been my title. Men don't get a new title upon marriage so I wasn't going to have one either!

I'd like to use Ms since separating, my new job have me down as Ms on some things but Mrs on my ID badge. Also when I renewed my passport recently it wouldn't let me select Ms without providing divorce paperwork which I don't yet have. So on that I'll have to be Mrs til the next renewal date. Which means I assume all flights I book will have to also be Mrs to match the passport.

I'd like to also use Ms for my daughter on anything official so she doesn't have this issue in the future. However I've found on anything requiring her title when making bookings for her (again passport application/flights springs to mind as was recent) the only drop-down options for children were Master or Miss.

I am married and still use Miss! No one needs to know marital status so I don’t care who it confuses

I’m married and my title is Ms

Sorry to clarify - I have my husband’s surname but use Miss

Try applying for a DBS check. If you use ms, the algorithm decides you are divorced and insists that you must have a previous name!

Go for Ms

in most of the schools around here they use Ms for all teachers regardless

but it is so outdated - I agree

I use Ms (not married yet) , so does my mother (married over 30 years)

I've never associated it divorced women

NRTFT so sorry if someone has already suggested signing up for a phd so I a few years you can use Dr and sack off all this bullshit!!

But seriously, your only real option is Ms and it's a great option. Dunno who your friends are but I know loads of women who use it, never married, partnered, married, divorced, whatever. It's the only truly neutral one.

Ugh. UGH!

I booked a flight last year on United Airlines. Dr title, entered my own details as Passenger 1, used my own credit card details. However - and it's a big however - my full given name, obviously female, is on my credit card for some reason. Note to self to get this changed to initial only as soon as possible.

Why? When the booking confirmation arrived United had demoted me from PAX #1 and put my husband in my place.

DH, dang him, thought it hilarious ... I didn't know whether to laugh or be furious!

After my 1st divorce I wanted to change back to my maiden name but my children didn't want a different name to me. So I kept the married name but changed my title from Mrs to Miss.
When I married a second time I contemplated keeping my own name, but it was actually my first husband's name. So I became Mrs 2nd husband's name. When he left I changed my name to Miss maiden name by deed poll.
I married for a third (& final) time last year & I've stuck to Miss Maiden name. I did not want to change my name again.
With hindsight I should never have changed my name, although, also with hindsight I should not have married the first two!

Ms is the term for women who don’t want to be defined by their marital status. It doesn’t mean divorced, never has and your friends are weird

I understand your reasoning; I've never changed my name and still appear as Miss on some things as well. The one I insist on being changed, if I appear as that, is Mrs.

I adore my DH, I just don't want to take my status from him or be defined in relation to anyone other than myself.

I'm Dr now, but prior to that I was Ms. I hate Mrs and Miss.

I have a professional title now but have been known to use Ms since I was 18. I've been single, married and am heading for divorce and I wouldn't judge anyone by the titles they decide to use.

Of course there are loads of them, I didn’t say there weren’t, I just don’t know any of them. That’s the strange thing about social circles and why it’s a mistake to assume anything based on what the few people you know do or think.

You could simply go for Mr? Or try to buy a peerage: 'Duchess' sounds frumpy and like something lost in a recycling bin; 'Lady' has far too many predictable chaste/scandal expectations. 'Dame' sounds like a slobbering bloodhound; 'Countess' is shadowed by the mouldy hedge fund rot; and 'Baroness' has a determined family feud scent wafting around it. I think 'Mighty' or 'MY Jane Doodle' would be a good choice for the time being.