To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

[Thisismenow2]

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations.

AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

The posts about stalking and trust issues are odd, if that is the first thing you think about location sharing with your partner.

If you don't want it, that's fine.

For me, dh is often out and about with Scouts and Explorers hiking or doing some sort of activity in a far away location that takes all day, and as I am preparing dinner, I'd like to have a rough idea when he'd be back by when I know he won't be answering his phone because of driving.

I don't try and see where he is during the day when I know he's at work!

Why are so many women planning their lives around making sure dinner is ready for the precise arrival time of a husband who can't even be bothered to send a text to say when he'll be home?!

DH drives a lot with work and doesn’t answer the phone when driving so I occasionally check if he is near home if it’s my turn to cook. I mainly use it to track my teenagers when they are running late coming home from something. I don’t always want to call them as there have been a few phones stolen recently.

I think people are just very different on this. For some of us if you share your bed and your life with someone the idea that they can look at a map and see a blue dot indicating where your phone is doesn’t feel remotely creepy. The fact they can know this information if they feel inclined to check just doesn’t register on my list of things I might want to keep private from them.

Someone mentioned earlier about underwear drawers, as if that was also somehow private in a relationship. I found that equally bizarre - if one of us is putting away the washing of course that includes putting each other’s undies away in the proper drawer!

Clearly though if you feel uncomfortable with someone having access to your underwear drawer, or if you worry that your partner might know you are in Tescos then I guess you manage your life accordingly.

As I said in my other post, he lost his car key and phone was locked in the car, was waiting few hours for road assistance. In normal cases he just texts me. I never text him when I leave work, but I don't do overtime, so he knows roughly what time I'll be back home. I don't know about other people though and don't care really 😂

Exactly. People have weird ideas of what it's used for. I didn't marry a creep, FGS. We used to know each other before smartphones, as probably many posters here😂

I'm glad when I was young there wasn't all this tracking, I wouldn't have wanted the local pub to show up when I was 15 for my DPs to see

I think people are just very different on this. For some of us if you share your bed and your life with someone the idea that they can look at a map and see a blue dot indicating where your phone is doesn’t feel remotely creepy. The fact they can know this information if they feel inclined to check just doesn’t register on my list of things I might want to keep private from them.

Having sex with someone, living with someone and even having a child with someone doesn’t give people the entitlement to know where they are at any given moment.

That is such an unhealthy way of looking at any relationship.

Dd1 suggested location sharing for her phone, DHs (her Dad) and mine, more because DH is likely to lose his phone than himself, but we'd all have it. Dd2 who is too young for a phone just looked at her and said "why exactly does Mum need it? If she isn't in here (kitchen/living room) she's in the loo and the phone stays in here anyway, total waste of location software" Thank you child dearest for your recognition of all I do

We have us, our son, my sister, my mam and hubby's mam on ours and theirs lol. Just easy to see if someone is at work before we ring or if someone needs picking up we can just click on location and get directions. We don't look at it hardly except for those reasons or my mam will look before she comes round. If our 14yr old is later getting home then I will see where he is. We're all way too busy and confident in each other to constantly look at it. It's come in handy too when one of us loses our phone.

Having sex with someone, living with someone and even having a child with someone doesn’t give people the entitlement to know where they are at any given moment.
That is such an unhealthy way of looking at any relationship.

Nobody is saying they are entitled to know your location at all times. It's just that some people aren't bothered about it.

We don't subscribe to shit like that.
How did people manage before mobiles!
We managed just great actually.

Whatever you mutually agree on. I think having a tracker on my car is wonderful in case of theft.

We have Life360. Very useful to locate the teenage DS when they are lost 🙄

Also gave me proof of XH affair as he was at OW house 😬

No it doesn’t give them the right but is it any more information to give a partner then say, having a joint account?
My DH can see (and vice versa) where I am spending every penny spent and when. He knows, should he want to scroll through, that I spent £5.54 in Tesco Express on Thursday morning and that the takeaway I ordered when he was late at work cost £36.85.

Some people don’t want joint accounts, some people do. That’s not a problem, surely?

Can’t see the problem?

I am genuinely taken aback that it’s pretty evenly split - half of you think AIBU and the other half not.

Nevertheless, have decided I am going to stop sharing my location with DH and ask him to stop sharing his with me. As I say, I have rarely used it and I assume he doesn’t look at it much either. It’s a privacy issue really - and as one poster said earlier, why should DH be able to see that I’ve popped into John Lewis/the Co-op. What would freak me out upset me though is if he objects to me turning it off! I will talk to him this evening. Thanks for all your comments - I am astonished that so many people use it!

PS DH and I have never even contemplated a joint bank account - that’s a whole other level of weird IMHO, particularly if you don’t have a separate personal account

I don’t see it as the same thing at all.

Police put ankle tags on people to keep track of their whereabouts. Spouses doing the equivalent of that to each other is taking their right to privacy away or assuming it is perfectly normal to another person’s privacy.

I understand, although wouldn’t do it myself, why people do this to cheating partners, or vulnerable adults. But presumably if someone has the capability to hold down a job, negotiate their way through airport control, they don’t need their spouse to keep an eye on their whereabouts. It’s completely fucked up thinking.

And to be fair, that's what should be the deciding factor in this situation - what both people within the couple are happy with.

If one of you don't wish to share location then it's completely unreasonable for the other person to insist upon it.

People have differing opinions, it's what feels healthy to you that counts

It's useful if you misplace your phone. I though'd I'd lost my phone at shopping centre and was just about to go to lost property when DH checked and it showed it was left at home. Crisis over. DS has lost his at school and we could see which building it was in...

Some of you must have really weird relationships..... My dh and I have the ability to check the location of each others phones, but rarely ever do so. Really it's just useful if you can't find your phone. Those asking how do I know he doesn't check.. Well I wouldn't be with someone I suspected of being creepy, if you are concerned your partner could be capable of that then why are you with them?! I do so much without my dh, work away, holidays, trips with friends etc as does he. My dh is just not a controlling person. Also fyi we don't use an app but another functionality via Google that your partners might be using without you even knowing!....

Proper surprised at how .many people regularly misplace their phones. You can't not miss not having the brick in the pocket😂
I had one nicked 20 years ago. Still fuming.

I don’t share my location but I do have a joint bank account. We contribute to it equally and it is less faff. I wouldn’t if DH was even remotely controlling. I do have one of my own too but rarely use it.

I think people are equating intimacy with a right to someone else’s privacy. Otherwise why not ask the school mums to share their locations at all times, or you’re in laws? ‘In case they lose their phones/because you never really use it anyway/or the other lists of reasons it’s so useful?