Page 8 | To NOT want DH and I to see our respective locations on Find my iPhone?

Thisismenow2 · 2023-03-13T10:17:52+00:00

I have always been able to see DH’s location on Find my iPhone (although I rarely bother looking - only if he running late for dinner!) and he’s able to see mine. It’s not that I want to get up to anything untoward but I just think it would be better if we couldn’t see each other’s locations. AIBU to think most partners DON’T share their locations?

Maybebabyno2 · 13/03/2023 13:38

xogossipgirlxo · 13/03/2023 13:16

Each to their own. We can track each other locations, but I know many couples who don't and don't intend to.
I must say, find my iphone once saved my sanity when my husband finished work at 6pm and I didn't hear from him until 10pm! I knew he was still at work, and it helped me not to lose my mind thinking he's in car accident somewhere and no one found him yet.

If my partner was that late without telling me, I would be going absolutely insane with worry. Regardless of tracking.

Well actually, I think the tracking would have made it worse because I would think he had just left his phone in the office by mistake, had an accident and now had no way to call for help. I wouldn't logically think, oh he is still at work and not bothered to send me a quick message to say he'll be home late.

xogossipgirlxo · 13/03/2023 13:57

Maybebabyno2 · 13/03/2023 13:38

If my partner was that late without telling me, I would be going absolutely insane with worry. Regardless of tracking.

Well actually, I think the tracking would have made it worse because I would think he had just left his phone in the office by mistake, had an accident and now had no way to call for help. I wouldn't logically think, oh he is still at work and not bothered to send me a quick message to say he'll be home late.

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He lost his car key and phone was in the car, so he didn't even get a chance to let me know. It would help if he remembered my mobile number, that's for sure :P But at least I knew he was at work waiting for road assitance, not god knows where.

I didn't think the way you thought. It only shows how us people have different perspective on things.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 14:00

@jigsaw234

Yeah I don't see a need for that

I put dinner on to suit me and or the kids.

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 14:09

Botw1- we've always preferred to eat as a family wherever possible, it's was always an important part of our family life.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 14:14

@Abraxan

We work shifts.

It's never been part of our family life

And if it was and I really wanted to know when he'd be in, I'd phone him.

Or I would already know because people generally get in at the same time.

Or if he wasnt going to be in when he normally would be I'd expect him to have the courtesy to let me know

Abraxan · 13/03/2023 14:21

As I said - I don't use find my iPhone for this purpose. I know when dh will be home. He calls or texts if he will be late. Due to the nature of his work, Dh doesn't work shifts and is almost always home the same time each day.

I was simply responding to the poster who asked if people really did have dinner on the table for when their partner got home from work.

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 14:22

QuietlyConfident · 13/03/2023 11:45

Adults are not dogs. They are perfectly capable of contacting you if they want to.

Unless they're driving, or cycling, or in a conversation, or in a meeting, or at work generally, or asleep, or in a theatre or cinema, or they've been in an accident, or they've dropped their phone.

Why do you need to know if they are cycling, or in a cinema , or asleep etc? And if you are worried about accidents, you honestly need to take control of your anxiety with CBT or meds instead of allowing yourself or other people to enable your anxiety by tracking them.

My own father is extremely anxious. Tracking, if he knew such thing existed, would increase his anxiety tenfold.

Androideighteen · 13/03/2023 14:35

To those posters saying 'we hardly check it', YOU might hardly check it, but how do you know your partner hardly checks it? Do you get a notification that someone has looked at your location?

What if you are being surreptitiously monitored by your DP? You'd never know. So creepy...

RoseFl0wers · 13/03/2023 14:38

I think MNetters reasons for tracking their DP’s or teenage children’s locations are very weak. The only valid reasons I can think of is if their DP/teen dc had a disability or was trekking in a remote place. Everyone is entitled to privacy and you can always ring or text your DP/dc to check where they are. If you trust them then you will believe what they say.

QuietlyConfident · 13/03/2023 14:40

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 14:22

Why do you need to know if they are cycling, or in a cinema , or asleep etc? And if you are worried about accidents, you honestly need to take control of your anxiety with CBT or meds instead of allowing yourself or other people to enable your anxiety by tracking them.

My own father is extremely anxious. Tracking, if he knew such thing existed, would increase his anxiety tenfold.

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Sometimes it's handy to know where members of your family are. Very occasionally, (but far less often), it's vitally important to know where someone is.

Often, for all sorts of reasons, some of which were listed in my post, it's not handy or possible to pick up the phone and immediately tell someone where you are.

In those situations being able to see someone's location on a map (or where they last were before they got onto a tube) is convenient.

If you find that convenience outweighs personal concerns about privacy then shared locations may work for you. If you don't, then don't.

Personally I don't because DH and I are in a mixed-OS marriage and I CBA to set up Life360. But a few times a year, when I'm trying to describe my location in a field full of tents, or explain directions across an unfamiliar town, or suggest the best bus route to DH who's in too much of a hurry to stop and google, or just idly curious as to when he'll arrive home after dropping DC off at uni, I think "gosh, shared location would be handy right now".

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 14:45

Androideighteen · 13/03/2023 14:35

To those posters saying 'we hardly check it', YOU might hardly check it, but how do you know your partner hardly checks it? Do you get a notification that someone has looked at your location?

What if you are being surreptitiously monitored by your DP? You'd never know. So creepy...

I genuinely don't care. We talk/message a lot anyway so he tends to know where I am but it does offer reassurance when I'm half way across the world travelling on my own and we're in a different time zone.

RoseFl0wers · 13/03/2023 14:45

xogossipgirlxo · 13/03/2023 13:16

Each to their own. We can track each other locations, but I know many couples who don't and don't intend to.
I must say, find my iphone once saved my sanity when my husband finished work at 6pm and I didn't hear from him until 10pm! I knew he was still at work, and it helped me not to lose my mind thinking he's in car accident somewhere and no one found him yet.

Most people would just text their DP to let them know they’d be working late. Some people also mentioned that they track their DP’s location to know when to put dinner on. Why don’t people just text when they’re leaving work or if they’re doing over time?

VioletaDelValle · 13/03/2023 14:45

But I also doubt he obsesses over it as he has better things to do.....

Isuppose · 13/03/2023 14:46

QuietlyConfident · 13/03/2023 14:40

Sometimes it's handy to know where members of your family are. Very occasionally, (but far less often), it's vitally important to know where someone is.

Often, for all sorts of reasons, some of which were listed in my post, it's not handy or possible to pick up the phone and immediately tell someone where you are.

In those situations being able to see someone's location on a map (or where they last were before they got onto a tube) is convenient.

If you find that convenience outweighs personal concerns about privacy then shared locations may work for you. If you don't, then don't.

Personally I don't because DH and I are in a mixed-OS marriage and I CBA to set up Life360. But a few times a year, when I'm trying to describe my location in a field full of tents, or explain directions across an unfamiliar town, or suggest the best bus route to DH who's in too much of a hurry to stop and google, or just idly curious as to when he'll arrive home after dropping DC off at uni, I think "gosh, shared location would be handy right now".

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I’ve no idea what a mixed OS marriage is. I tried to Google it and can’t see it.?

But honestly if someone CBA to find directions across town there is google maps. How many times realistically is someone lost in a field on a regular basic. I just don’t t buy these ‘reasonings’.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 13/03/2023 14:48

I wonder if this feeds into the "instantly" life.
Cannot wait for someone to call back, cannot wait for someone to text back etc.
We see it often here as well in threads like "they haven't responded for an hour, is that rude" type of thing

QuietlyConfident · 13/03/2023 14:50

OS = operating system.

Like I said, a few times a year I think "gosh shared location would be handy right now". Mostly at history/literature festivals or large outdoor museums where we've split up with different DC.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 14:51

Mixed OS marriage

Fucking heard it all now

🤣🤣

Hence · 13/03/2023 14:52

We can see each other locations. Not that I ever check regularly, but handy for times when we are somewhere different, like on holiday for example. We always know where the other one is anyway so I don't see the difference.

Somanycats · 13/03/2023 14:53

Pretty much everyone I know who likes their partner enables this function. If you have a work phone, chances are it tracked for safety mine certainly is. I want someone to know where to look if I go missing. If you won't share with dh and you are not tracked via work for God sake enable it for someone you do trust.

QuietlyConfident · 13/03/2023 14:55

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 14:51

Mixed OS marriage

Fucking heard it all now

🤣🤣

It was a joke? Some people take their Apple/Android status all too seriously.

Botw1 · 13/03/2023 14:55

@Somanycats

No.

I don't live my life in fear of being kidnapped.

It's ridiculous.

Ladyofthesea · 13/03/2023 14:56

We don't but I'm a SAHM and DH works in our village so we both know where the other is and we're just 10 minutes apart if you walk slow. He texts me if he doesn't come straight home but runs an errand or goes cycling first.

Cheesandcrackers · 13/03/2023 14:57

I can see why it could be useful. For example if a person was going on a long hike/cycle. No way would I want it on all the time though. Total 1984....

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 13/03/2023 15:02

I can't imagine a situation in where I would care if someone I know and love happens to open their FMI app and sees where I am.

I just don't see it as being that deep

Hardbackwriter · 13/03/2023 15:15

I want to be all 'each to their own' on this, as I would be for most relationship issues, but I absolutely hate the idea that I now live in a society where this is considered normal and I do thinks it affects others. I think normalizing this level of electronic tracking is dangerous - in the last thread about this people were saying that their children had their location visible at all times on social media and they thought that was fine! I don't want my children (or anyone's children) to grow up thinking that it's fine for a partner to want to know where they are at any given moment and that it might even be unreasonable or a sign of being untrustworthy to refuse to share their location constantly.