Anyone else decline every invitation?

[abandonedmadem]

I hate weddings, I don't like socialising in large groups and I don't drive so there is a financial aspect.
My own wedding only had 2 witnesses (I would have had less) and no party. I don't enjoy it. I either make up a fake reason if I don't know them well enough or if I know the person well enough, they know I don't do that stuff.

I was guilted into a baby shower once and what's the point? Ill get a gift if that's what it's all about but I hate parties. I don't drink either which is probably a good reason. Everyone gets drunk and I'm just bored and tired and upset that I'm not sat in my house having a nice relaxing time.

I take my kids to parties but I hate every second and at least I know if I arrive at 2pm I will definitely be leaving at 4pm and nobodies going to try to make me drink or stay.

I know I sound like a dickhead and I am I don't even like seeing all my brothers and sisters and parents at christmas as its just too much for me. Sensory overload I think. Really takes it out of me.

The problem is nobody understands and thinks I don't like them or its rude but surely declining an invitation isn't really rude? I mean I wouldn't invite Sally to my bookclub because I know Sally doesn't read, so don't invite me to your party because you know I don't do parties!

Am I the only one? I feel like I was created wrong, like I'm an alien species sometimes.

i also think the problem is the friends you have aren’t compatible with the friendships you want. However, this is often a bigger problem for introvert people who don’t like going out or trying new things, because you don’t get the opportunity to make new friends, so are stuck between total solitude or ill-fitting friendships.

so while it goes against what you are saying - the PP who suggested joining walking groups etc might be a good move for you. You need new friends who are like minded.

If you have a big family, you are kind of stuck with there being a lot of them ! I’d aim with lots of small socialising , one sibling, their dp and dcs at a time.

Im very much like you OP. Although I don't mind a wedding! I absolutely detest baby showers, gender reveals, christenings etc!

get back home, Homer ☠️🤣

I don't think you sound miserable at all. I need more friends like you!

The problem is that being introverted (or quiet, or not liking crowds, or not drinking, or not being "bubbly" etc) is seen as a negative trait, rather than just simply a type of personality that some people have which is perfectly normal and OK. You can clearly see this demonstrated by all the snarky "you sound miserable" and "don't worry, you won't have any friends left anyway soon" comments. Arseholes.

There's nothing wrong with you, OP. It's perfectly fine and valid to not like parties or group activities. As you've pointed out, it's absolutely shit and a complete double standard that people can call you miserable and a bad friend for not enjoying the kind of socialising that most people happen to like, but that it's completely socially acceptable for your friends to laugh in your face when you suggest socialising in a way that you like. Bollocks to that.

You need different mates. People who like socialising the way you do. I much, much prefer one-to-one meet ups like theatre trips, museums, walk round the park with a coffee. There are other people out there who like the same stuff as you. Tricky to meet these people in the first place, but worth getting past initial difficulties to forge quality friendships. For example, I used to absolutely hate doing the school run but got chatting to another mum eventually who is the same as me. We hate big groups and would never get involved in the big group chats on the playground, but we like doing all the kind of stuff you describe and we like to hang out just the two of us a couple of times a month for breakfast or something. It's nice.

I’m with you op (nd!)

And you sound like you're massively lacking any kind of understanding or empathy.

I hate socializing too, people just really piss me off. Whilst some people can cope with themselves & enjoy peace & quiet, others are more needy & have to make a song & dance about everything.

I think she said she would like to go to museums and exhibitions and for a walk in the park, but has no friends who like to do those things. I was the same way, but now I actively try to make friends who do these things. In fact, I have just bought an Arts pass with a plus one, to lure friends into coming to museums with me!

It was the fact that what 'just came out', from (so the implication went) your deepest self, was the 'hungry egos' thing.

I definitely wouldn't want to go cross country running. That's a bit of an odd thing to invite someone to unless they are already a running buddy.

Lots of misery on this thread.

What I always found excruciating too was any kind of ‘mum meet ups’!

I do admire those mums who organise these type of events, socialise with everyone and seem to massively enjoy it.

I think having a DC who is ND, hasn’t helped in my case tbh.

No you’re not the only one. I’ve managed to avoid weddings since DH died and being invited to any type of party would have me buying a ticket to well, anywhere there wasn’t a party. Social gatherings, crowds are just draining, exhausting. I’ve a long list of perfectly good excuses I use on a loop.

I wasn't all that keen on mum meetups, mainly because I find other people's kids quite dull ( no doubt they find mine dull too) but I went along so my DC could make friends. I am now past the schoolgate years and can make friends to please myself.

Sorry I didnt see that bit. Also agree that it would be great for her to have some friends that have compatible interests. Organised groups (a walking group or art group for example) is probably the best way if she wants to find a way to socialise more with the things that interest her.

She says it's three in five years...

I'd probably regret it if my dh died tomorrow but then I might not.

I hope you're exaggerating, OP. Otherwise, you should probably rethink your marriage.

When did it become sooooo easy to suggest that others are/maybe autistic?

I'm very specific of where I go due to panic attacks and I used to lie and make up excuses to get out of going to certain places and people would always moan at me about it now im brutally honest and say i won't be going because all that will happen is il have a panic attack convince myself im dying and end up in a&e which will not only ruin my own night but others to. people are a lot more excepting when your honest.

Sounds fun, everyone sat at their tables drinking water

I'm really not surprised by the number of anti-social people on this forum. So many posters seem miserable and bitter with life.

I come from a culture that embraces company, enjoys food and drink together and good conversation. Most European countries have this culture and are very different to the Uk.

If you turn down every invitation then soon enough you will stop getting invited. Problem solved.

It might be something to look into for her, as she’s obviously wondering about why she declines invites enough to post on here in the first place. Its not just about disliking pubs/clubs etc, she has mentioned a few things that are autistic traits - social avoidance, repetitive interests. It doesn’t make any difference to who she is as a person and no harm in looking into it (if she wants to).

I'm similar. I always look for an excuse as to why I can't make an event when I get invited. And if I agree to go to a wedding/meal/night out etc I will spend weeks building up to it worrying about what I'm going to wear, who's going, how to get there etc. It's easier to just stay in! But then I also get annoyed and feel lonely when I don't get invited to things! So I can't win. A previous poster summed it up perfectly, I want the invite but I won't be going!

And I definitely wouldn't want to go to a big social event with loads of people and alcohol. So we are both happy. Neither are any more acceptable or enjoyable it just depends what you like doing.

It's not miserable to not want to attend an event you won't enjoy! I'm perfectly happy thank you doing my own thing, please don't assume I'm miserable just cos I don't like socialising in the way a lot of people doing.

It does doesn’t it?

Sparkling water, engaging conversation, and a bit of food.

I always watch the same program over and over (let's say the simpsons) always skip the ones where they go on holiday though, or the big adventure ones. I want you for comfort not entertainment, get back home, Homer.

See I totally get this and this is why I love Star Trek, specifically TNG. Most of it is on the Enterprise which feels cosy and safe. And all the main characters are very adult and rational and always behave in a reassuringly sensible way and never have any interpersonal dramas.
I sometimes have the engine noise sounds from the Enterprise on in the background to soothe myself.

You don't sound unsociable then. Just a non-drinker who would rather do activities other than drinking / parties. I think that's totally fine.

I think I'm similar. People would previously have said it quite outgoing, but I really hate large group things now. I find I'm just talked over and I find it excruciating when you have to just trail off because nobody is listening to you

I also don't drink now. I drank a lot in my younger years although to be honest it never really agreed with me. But now with young kids I just face the hangover which I feel now lasts days.

I also agree with your point about parties where you only know the host. I don't have one big friendship group, it's all individual friends from all over the place. So all big parties I am invited to are like this. 100 people and I know one of them.

Some people enjoy that type of thing. I really do not see the point.