Anyone else decline every invitation?

[abandonedmadem]

I hate weddings, I don't like socialising in large groups and I don't drive so there is a financial aspect.
My own wedding only had 2 witnesses (I would have had less) and no party. I don't enjoy it. I either make up a fake reason if I don't know them well enough or if I know the person well enough, they know I don't do that stuff.

I was guilted into a baby shower once and what's the point? Ill get a gift if that's what it's all about but I hate parties. I don't drink either which is probably a good reason. Everyone gets drunk and I'm just bored and tired and upset that I'm not sat in my house having a nice relaxing time.

I take my kids to parties but I hate every second and at least I know if I arrive at 2pm I will definitely be leaving at 4pm and nobodies going to try to make me drink or stay.

I know I sound like a dickhead and I am I don't even like seeing all my brothers and sisters and parents at christmas as its just too much for me. Sensory overload I think. Really takes it out of me.

The problem is nobody understands and thinks I don't like them or its rude but surely declining an invitation isn't really rude? I mean I wouldn't invite Sally to my bookclub because I know Sally doesn't read, so don't invite me to your party because you know I don't do parties!

Am I the only one? I feel like I was created wrong, like I'm an alien species sometimes.

I don't understand how you have friends that invite you to things tbh.

You sound hard work.
And a bit miserable.

I'm so with you op.

Why is EVERYONE expected to enjoy activities like parties, weddings, bloody after work drinks and other socialising of that nature.

If I turn that down I'm considered rude and miserable (I'm not, by the way) but if I invite my colleagues out to my chosen activities which are parkrun, cross country running and a nice walk, they'll tell me no way and they wouldn't be seen dead doing that. Yet, if I want to enjoy a quiet evening indoors for some reason people are allowed to judge me for that. It's so unfair.

I don't make up excuses anymore. I just say 'sorry its not my thing really but I hope you have fun!'

Life is too short to spend time doing things to appease others.

I guess I put YABU because I am also ND and if someone has invited you, they care, they want you there, they like you, they want you to feel part of their group. So find a way to cope with it or risk losing that, and for me people wanting to include me is really nice. My DS with significant SEN is hardly ever invited to anything, ever, and I would give my left arm for him to feel more included in groups, including family where he’s often ‘forgotten’ about.

I am the exact opposite. Would like more invites! I am not an extrovert but do enjoy company as much as I enjoy being on my own

The older I’ve become, the easier I find to turn down invites, especially work ones.

I like my work colleagues but don’t necessarily want to go out with them, plus I’ve quite a lot on my plate personally atm and once my working day is done, I just want to go home! I don’t live near to work, unlike them, I’d have to get a taxi which would probably cost me £50 return.

I don’t mind weddings though, that said, the last one I went to was probably about 5 years ago.

@FrostyFifi you made me laugh then, am I dead pan? 💀 star trek? get out

I think I found my people, man I'd have loads of friends if they all hated going out.

I do think you would be in the minority to not want to be part of special occasions- Weddings etc as they are one off events that are very special occasions which you know mean so much to the couple getting married. Im actually sad most of our friends/family are married as I love a Wedding!

However, it sounds like you are very much happy in your own company and open about being an introvert. I suppose the only thing I would say is you wouldn’t want your kids to pick up on you not enjoying seeing friends and family (Im glad you do still go to kids parties as they really would miss out if you didn’t).

Have you considered possibly you are autistic (I think its already been mentioned) but perhaps that would explain it. Obviously dont want to jump to conclusions but you could look into it and it might help you understand why you dont want to be sociable (and help you with ways to cope with social events when you do have to go).

I'm the same as you , hate parties of any sort , don't drink , i'm just not interested in joining in with any group things .

It's just the way some people are , and what doesn't help is other people not letting you do what you want without having to give stupid excuses .

I've taken to saying "no thanks" and if i'm asked why i say "because I don't want to"

Not enjoying pubs and clubs doesn't mean OP is autistic. I hate both. I don't drink, for one. Tbh, I hated kids' parties too, though I went for the kids' sakes.

The older I’ve become, the easier I find to turn down invites

I think I am the opposite. I used to be like the OP, even had the same two witness and no party wedding (it didn’t last long). However, I have become a lot more sociable as I have got older. I have since remarried with a full church and a massive party afterwards. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Life is too short to spend it hiding from the world.

@Summerpetal good luck with the assessment, I was diagnosed a few years back, I wouldn't say it's made that much difference practically but it's enabled me to be a lot kinder to myself and it's nice having a reason rather than just feeling like an unspecified wrong'un.

I'm trying to catch up sorry
I've just thought of something else that may be slightly interesting.
I always watch the same program over and over (let's say the simpsons) always skip the ones where they go on holiday though, or the big adventure ones. I want you for comfort not entertainment, get back home, Homer.

I love outnumbered too omg I could watch it over and over. And music, i listen to albums not songs, on repeat for months until I move on to the next album. Nothing that's been released after 2005 as I'd already found the music I like by then (by that I mean my dad's cds) so why look for more?

Loathed kids parties! Got through them, held parties for DS but find them hard work!

I'm very surprised that, of all I wrote, your takeaway was a denunciation. What led you to think I was looking down on them? (I was, physically, from the top of the stairs. But that's all.) Maybe you just read the quote I put in bold and not the story?

I mean, if you aren't bothered by not going to anything then that's fine. If you don't want to loose friends you'll have to make am effort now and again even if you don't want to go. You also sound like you might benefit from some therapy.

Good on you op! I wish I could decline more but I say yes and then regret it. Some people don't get it and will say that its being miserable, but you have not experienced misery until you have been at a party and everyone is drunk and telling you the same shit over and over again and you are just counting the minutes until you can leave.

These are wedding or big birthday invitations.
like big parties. I'm not a complete loner. Although my cowboy hat and boots may say otherwise.

Also not sure the op needs therapy? Sounds perfectly happy to me. Some people have a very small social battery.

👏👏👏👏
i definitely know that feeling🤣

My sister is just exactly like you, she just tells everyone that she's an introvert and that large social gatherings leave her drained but she'll happily meet them one to one later in the week.

My aunt is very insistent on everyone showing up events. Sister finally shut her up by saying 'I find the way you get stressed out about driving at night bizarre but I don't constantly keep insisting you do it because i know you don't enjoy it. Perhaps we could respect each others differences"

You need to cultivate new friendships. Many people would enjoy such outings.

I'm similar OP. I'm very sociable when I meet people 1:1 but loathe gatherings and cannot be bothered with people who talk inanely usually about themselves for hours. We're not all made the same. We had 2 witnesses at our wedding 30 years ago and never regretted it. Quiet weekend away for my 60th this year. I hate work get togethers but sometimes tolerate them to keep a 'normal' face on.

Agree that not everyone has to like pubs and clubs, but not wanting to do anything sociable at all is a big sign.

OP did not write ‘I hate pubs and clubs but love meeting my family and friends for picnics and walks’. I got the impression from the original post she doesn’t like to anything at all with any friends and family.

I am an introvert and don't like large social gatherings either. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with politely declining invitations. People who don't understand introversion think that it's just an excuse and that introverts are unfriendly and miserable. I'm neither. I am chatty and enjoy talking to friends over coffee or food. But I find socializing in large groups completely draining. Parties are miserable to me, I don't understand why people think they are 'fun' and I feel completely out of it after an hour and want to leave. You need to find your people. There are others out there who like staying home and would happily just chill with you, if you like.